That's just the way I feel sometimes, less frequently now than a few years ago but it takes a concerted effort on my part to be aware of what's going on and get grounded again. It generally happens when I get stressed out or depressed and my energy is low. It's difficult sometimes to believe in myself and think well of myself. I'm a compassionate person to others but I'm very hard on myself and the ones I love.
When something occurs to sadden me or frustrate me or anger me it can be the start of a downward spiral. If I don't catch it before it gets out of hand I have, in the past, done some pretty stupid, foolhardy, dangerous things. I'm getting better at recognizing what's happening around me and that awareness helps to subdue those implusive actions, most of the time anyway. I feel that it took me forty years to begin to deal with it, it's not going to go away in an instant. I feel that I've made miraculous progress in just a few years and I've made some major changes in my life, for the better.
You're almost local, just a few hours away. If I can ever get the chat room to hook up maybe we can chat some. I think that talking helps, especially with someone who's been through some of the same stuff. Everyone's a teacher and everyone's a student. There's a lot for me to learn and I think I've got a lot to give to others.
Take good care of yourself,
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)