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#71222 - 08/17/01 05:33 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Eddie,

Yeah, i see where your coming from now, i hate it when you have to force rank things into someone elses idea of what the available choices are, totally pisses me off too.

I am sorry you find yourself working in a place with some inconsiderate people as co-workers, i dont think i would do so well with a boss like yours.

I have a better understanding now of what you were saying.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71223 - 08/17/01 05:40 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
bosishere --
You repeatedly mentioned in your post about 'horny men' forcing sex on others! What happened to all of you SA survivors is called "RAPE"!! Rape is not a sex act, it is an violent brutal crime upon another individual! Being 'horny' is not an excuse or justification!!
Do you go out and rape someone every time you feel horny?? I hope and pray that's not true.
The examples you gave are places where brutality rules and mob psychology sweeps social constraints aside. MIGHT makes RIGHT !!
Sorry if I've come on too strong, but I'm a 49 YO female who is really tired of hearing RAPE being explained away as the act of a "HORNY" individual instead of the POWER TRIP/ULTIMATE CONTROL WEAPON used by a "depraved" individual.
One Women's Opinion,
babs \:\(


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#71224 - 08/17/01 08:02 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Babs, yes rape is rape. I appoligize for letting you or anybody else think it is right because a man is horny and seeks out someboody to "make himself feel good" but REALLY is raping that person. I don't want people to think I am finding a way out of my screw up of how I put that post together. Yes I'm a sexual abuse survivor, many times over - it was done to me when I was only 7 and in a hospital time and time again, always at night. I was in that hospital for three years either on my stomach or back in a bed. that was in the early 50s. now go to 1990 and I am also a survivor - a person who was hit by a NYC subway train, so my brain, amoung other parts of my boody, doesn"t always work like I would like it to. When I was out for a ride in my wheelchair, I had to say to myself, what a stupit ass I was in my previous post for NOT SAYING THAT RAPE IS RAPE. my counselor keeps hounding that fact into me. I did learn something - I will go back a read a post "to be" several times to make sure I don't screw up like I did today. On a note about the American public re rape - at this last April meeting outdoors on the University of Vanderbilt campus about 7 or 8 women talked about they geting raped. I was the only man who would come forward to talk about that horrible crime. I think many will back me up on this, that the public has only BEGUN to accept the fact that RAPE does happen to men as well as woman, and as I said not only in prisons. 1 more item - you are 49, but I am 57 and it took me, and I think many men because of what we are taught about rape, 48 years to go public. I'm not trying ANYBODY to feal guilty, rape has always been a crime against women in this country for many years. enough said. bosishere


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#71225 - 08/18/01 09:33 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Dear Bosishere,
I see that you got your ass kicked a little by my sweet Babs...I call her Boo Boo...like the bear. She is really a very sweet lady who has kept me alive for the past 22 years. I'm 53 and was raped countless times starting at 11YO. I was always told by my abusers that they were horny and just needed to have sex with me or that they were bored. "I'm bored, me too - lets get Eddie!" This was 40 years ago and I have never raped anyone so I'm a victum not an expert on rape...shit Boo Boo has kicked my ass lots of times for saying rape was sex...I mean what the hell I only seen it from one side and was brain-washed to believe that they were only having sex with me. I didn't even know what rape was! When I started having flashbacks, what did I do?... started to act- out with another guy...I wanted to be raped again. From what I saw and read on the net...fisting was it... when it came to anal sex, so I when there. It took about a month to find a guy with experience, my age, and liked a lot of things that I do ..like smoking real good pot. He talked for weeks, I didn't try to hide the History or the Cookies from Boo Boo so she found out after I had let him fist me 3 times...I loved it! Shit, I just told her the truth and asked her to do it to me...didn't have the guts to ask her before. Now being fisted by Boo Boo and an experienced gay guy is a lot different but we both got used to it. I found out that I wanted the sex act it's self not the guy...I still don't like being around guys at all...at least I stopped tring to even the score by hurting them! Now a kid that has been raped as much as I have either starts to like it or he dies. So what? So he will seak it out later in life like I did. Now Boo Boo had me cornered and wanted to know where this anal sex thing came from so I told her what I could remember at the time. I said that an older friend was horny so he tied me up and pushed his cock into my ass and had sex with me. WOW. she went nuts ,saying that I was raped. I told her that it was sex and she went nuts on me...trying to teach me the difference between rape and sex! I know in my mind but still my heart doesn't know! Now a year later after seeing hundreds, thousands of flashbacks, I have pretty much total recall of the 3 - 4 years of being raped by 20 + guys. Boo Boo still wants to kick my ass for not being sure about sex and rape. From being forced to submit totally...instead of being beaten up...the submition has come back, back big time and I can't say NO to mostly everything...my 12YO girl likes this....gets me to take her anywhere and hits me up for all my cash! I'm comfussed about a lot of things, my sexuality and sex-rape are the top two. You were wrong about what you said about sex and rape but don't beat yourself up about it...I still do it and Boo Boo is right on my ass for it. So you screwed up a little...don't shut up...I, myself like the way you are so open, unshockable, and you always tell it like it is...even if you are wrong...this is Very COOL! Don't be afraid of Boo Boo...she only wants what is right and best for me. I was out of it the last time with PTSD...she is giving me another chance...but will shoot me and my lover the next time! I made a deal with her...being comfussed or not, or even me being bi...We are married and I will not do it with anyone but her...no bullshit!!!! I guess that this is the most important thing to all parteners! I know that I would kill any person"with my bare hands" caught having sex with Boo Boo...I would keep Boo Boo..she is mine ..... only one wife in a millon would be kind enough to fist her man if he wanted or needed it!!!!!!! Got up this morning feeling at peace with the world and myself...did take 60mm of Perkidan for the pain in my lower gut...a hell of a lot better than having pain in my head!!!! Did it for the first time in a week...The longest that I have gone without it since last October...did it 163 times...no shit...as much as 9 times in a week! So I am starting to gain soom control. I wish that you would E-mail me to talk about life and things...I have no male friends to talk to, that would understand...no friends at all..people must be afraid of me...call me "SHOOT THEM DEAD ED"...I was a biker, A Mother...which is like a vice pres. in the Pagans M.C....have long hair and beard...always wear blue geans and tank tops...have vines and roses from my right elbow to my neck...I just thought that it looked a lot better that a lot of biker crap! I'm very comfussed about a lot of crap but don't want to talk to anyone toooooooooooo nerdie! Boo Boo doesn't mine if we talk...don't want us to have sex...and you live so far away, there is no chance of that! So if you got the time...I'm off of work with time up the ass and a big cast...on my right arm. WHATEVER !!!!!!

Later
Eddie


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#71226 - 08/18/01 09:35 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1270
Loc: Northern Ohio
getteddie & bosishere,
getteddie questioned on 8-15-01, "if stranded....would we not eventually turn to that partner".
I understood that to mean an act of Free Will, the key term being, "turn to". Rape is completely different, and if that's what U meant , then I didn'tunderstand it that way.
I know what RAPE IS[/I]. 'Been through IT to know.
And ya, I am angry, Danm it And I have to express it. Out of control? No, i'm not. two years ago, close it it.
As a social worker, I have to deal with people that abuse thier kids, (and not kill them, & treat them FAIRLY & non-judgemental) its my job. And that is what I do. I keep MY feelings separate from my cases. Some days are very difficult. I was hoping I could Let Off Some Steem here....
I've been through counseling, individual & group, took my meds, and did lots of theraputic stuff. This is also theraputic for me. I'm expressing MY point, MY feeling, MY dread, MY pain. I'm reading what everyone has to say. I gain insight, I don't feel so alone, expand my understanding of my past & how its effecting me. I may not always state things the way I intended them. Its hard for me to even type some of the words. We're all at different points of this "process", right? Well, this is where I'm at, and I'm not really sure where that is
If I didn't get what U meant, &/or I seemed unreasonable, I apologize.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#71227 - 08/18/01 12:36 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
BlackLeaves - thank you for your post. I, too, don't always say what I want the way I want. bosishere


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#71228 - 08/19/01 02:44 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
I didn't say or mean to rape anyone...or will I ever do so!!!!

Most of us that are here for truefull reasons have Therapist and MD's to pump out the meds. What is the first thing that a therapist will tell you about Net-subport groups????? They are somewhat good "BUT" you just can't keep the bullshiters out!!!!!!! They say to "KEEP OFF THE NET"...why?...so you don't get you mind fucked up by some 50 YO fat woman in Tuson AZ, who loves to play with people in net subport groups. The leaders of NOMSV should make everyone pay the $48...join giving their real name and address...proving it with a credit in the same name....BEFORE THEY ARE LET INTO ANY DISUSSION FORUM.....You want this to be a safe place where survivors can talk freely....THEN MAKE IT THAT WAY.....WHY SCREW AROUND>>>YOU GOT TO TIGHEN THIS SHIT UP>>>>ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDDIE


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#71229 - 08/19/01 08:31 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Anonymous
Unregistered


Eddie :

You might want to write to me privately about your concerns... I can't tell what it is you're talking about.... If someone from the Forum is causing a problem online, then they will be kicked off...

But, so far, I don't see the person you are talking about...

tat2bear


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#71230 - 08/21/01 07:08 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
thanks for offering to help. Babs in this room and in the gay survivors has upset some guys. I thought women were supposed to use other sites anyways. we'll be ok. :rolleyes:


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#71231 - 08/21/01 07:47 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
I honestly believe that most of the people on this site more than any other site I have ever been on are truly sympathetic and understanding and supportive. No matter where you go you're going to run into phonies. SO goes life in the everyday world.
People are very warry of other people in public why should it be any different on the net? If anything - everyone should be a little more cautious on the net.
But no matter what - at least speaking for this site and the good information I have gotten from the people and the support I have gotten here is unmatched at any other site on the net. Believe it or not I did get some of my best advice here for myself. There are a lot of caring and good -honest people here.
Think about this... Why do we seek out a site like this one? It's because we need that strong support. We need to know that what we are feeling is not unusual. What we need is to know from people who understand exactly what we are thinking and talking about so that we don't keep thinking to ourselves "am I the only one in the world with these strange thoughts or feelings or ideas?" "Am I a freak?" "Does anyone out there understand?"
We all - in some way or another want to be what society has dictated as "normal" for men.
Well sorry, we are not normal... But then no one is. What is normal?
Everyone has strange thoughts and deep dark secrets. It's knowing that it is okay to have those thoughts and how to deal with them that matters. You can think anything you want as long as you know what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes that's what keeps us surviving. We have to be human first. We have to make our mistakes and allow ourselves to make those mistakes. But we must also be willing to learn from them. We must be strong in what we think and do - maybe even more than the next guy. But at the same time we have to be willing to open ourselves up a little bit in order to get what we need out of life. Afterall we are dealing with major issues here. But at the same time - if we allow ourselves to give into the bad or give up because of a few phonies then we become victims all over again rather than survivors. And that my friend is what we do not want to happen.
We are all strong just because we make it through each and every single day. It did take a lot of brains and courage to get this far. Don't ever let anyone including your own self - stop you from striving to reach that point where you can say that YOU ARE A SURVIVOR - and a victim no more!
It can be difficult and confusing and lonely. Don't ever give up or give in just because of a few people or thoughts.]
Don't ever let anyone make you a victim ever again. Only you know what you need and have to do. In the end only you can really help you - everything else is just advice and everyone else is just a spectator.
Good Luck!
Your Friend Always,

gadzook




_________________________
~Gadzook

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