EVERYONE,
Maybe I'm the ONLY ONE who feels this way, but this is 2001 and SEXUALITY is a topic that still has many unknown aspects.... MEDICINE IS NOT A COMPLETE SCIENCE.
Why are the only options, men who like women or men who like men? Because of being forced into sexual activity as a child, before puberty; my FIRST experiences of sexual pleasure occurred while being sodomized. NOW, my wildest desires are focused on my anus...
I know there are a lot of you jacking-off to some pretty weird thoughts and images! Are these the true reflection of your real sexuality??
Aren't we all less rigid in our sexual roles or desires than we ever let on -- even to ourselves?? More opportunistic and prone to some actions out of sexual necessity?? If stranded on a desert island with only 1 sexual partner available (different from our current partner of choice) would we NOT eventually turn to that partner regardless of our current inclinations??

In answer to your last sentence.
NO FRICKEN WAY!!

Dear Blackleaves,
I would had said the same thing myself a year ago. It has been more like ten years, so mush happening in just one year. My year of total recall of my SA when I was 11, 12, 13...by older boys that my father would not stop...watched!!!! I have crossed all sexural lines...how do they say it...people, toys, and pets. I said hell no to all sex except masterbation for 15 years after the SA! Now that the SA has come back in flashbacks I have turned into somewhat of a sex addict...can't get enough but I am slowing down now finially after a year of going nuts. Not everyone goes nuts like me..you maybe the one in a thousand male who has had SA and will not want to have sex with another man!!!

I wish you luck,
Eddie

getteddie,I do agree with you. Humans left on an island DO, I believe, and have read, tht sicience tells us they will after some time, it may vary with the place, climate - ect.)turn to that other human on that island and have a good (it may vary re the place, island ect.) time. bosishere

I had a long talk with my lesbian best friend the other night. It is her belief that EVERYONE is at least bisexual, most just are too stubborn to admit it.

I don't completely agree; as a matter of fact, right after my flashback, I began to wonder if EVERYONE hadn't been sexually abused, and those that weren't were repressing it. Just like I did.

However, my questions about my sexuality have continued to pop up. As I've stated before, I realized I was "different" a long time ago, because I crossdressed. I eventually found the pornography about crossdressing. The sexual component of male/male sex was originally a major turn-off. As it continued to surface, I began to accept it, so I skipped less, then skimmed more. Then read more.

I'm not comfortable with my sexuality. That goes without saying. Even in my talk w/ my best friend, I found it hard to say that I might have interest in sex with men. Still do. I talk around the subject. But somewhere in my subconscious, it IS there.

In the original talk I had with my best friend and cousin about the SA, I also had one other thing that I felt compelled to say. Actually, I really didn't have much choice about saying it; if I didn't say the words, I literally would have vomited, so badly was the need to form the words out loud. "I'm gay." After saying that, my 2 friends tried talking about the abuse some more, and I had to stop everyone and say, "Didn't you guys just notice that I said 'I'm gay'??" This was important to me, almost more important than the abuse.

But since I don't actively fantasize about guys, I'm confused. My radar for people is generally bad. I don't notice hot girls OR hot boys. But if I notice anyone who is hot, it DOES tend to be women (or more specifially, their clothes).

Can't say what I would do on a deserted isle. I can live a long time off of discussion, and deep thought. I can go weeks without feeling horny.

Maybe I'm just weird. What I am, for sure, is running late for work. Take care all!

J
We're in this together.

Listen, I have absolutely NO desire what-so-ever to have sex with a man, Period! Nor do I believe I ever would under ANY circumstances. An adult man molested me for years, and there is NO damn way a Dick is getting in my ....body again. NO sex at all is far better than that.
If you think YOU would, well, thats YOU, not ME. You can sight ever survey and statistic u want, I'm not buying into it.
There is a lot of really good discussions here. And im learning from you, gaining insight and understanding, but im not budging on that. SEX with a man is the MOST digusting thing I can imagine. But that's my view, for ME. Im not judging any of you, not at all, honest. I just simply can imagine that at all.

Blackleaves,
If it comes, it will not matter what you want or don't want...you will have about as much control as you did while being raped...but for different reasons. You sound very angery and out of control. I hope that you are in therapy, if not please go!

Eddie

blackleaves, in ALL OUR LIFES, one can hope and want certain things. You have made your decision and I RESPECT THAT DECISION. However, what getteddie says, and I, and I think, many of us believe, is that we CANNOT ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT THE OTHER PERSON(S) ARE GOING TO DO TO US. look at two (2) circumstances - 1. war -- we as a countr are at war with whomever, and you as a man are in a gox hole, or what ever, and 5, or 10, or as I have heard even 20 other men of your team are very horney, and they all rape you without your ok. 2. you are in a prison or something semilar, and a group of men who again are real horny, and they pick you out of who they want to rape. here again you can do noting. these fact DO happen all the time. war hopefully not too many times in a century. in prisons, practially every week, and people in charge no that is does happen. to end this post on a brighter note, hopefully we as individuals will NEVER BE IN A POSITION OF THE POOR PERSON GETING RAPED, wether male or female. Please take care. bosishere

All i wanted to say on this one is what makes you think everyone is pigeon holed when it comes to sex?

I dont think my sexuality is black and white at all.

John

John,
I guess I feel this way because of the pressure placed on us by the masses...a place for everything and everything in it's place. Because you can't treat anyone different for their sexual presrence, they now can ask what it is...not seen much but it is building. I have filled out forms that asked this and didn't have a place to check...undecided...or not black or white...only S, G. or Bi...didn't say anything about being A-Sexural, Non-Sexual, or anything else. I ran into this at Pdocs and subport groups...I'm sure that the FBI has this in all of it's files. What really got me was when my boss leaked my SA to everyone at work and behind my back everyone calls me a fag....the boss calls me a cock smoker. I was raped while I was a child so now I am gay...for sure. Talk about being cramed into a pigon hole....everyone has put me there....SCREW IT !!!!!

Blackleaves,
I really don't think that you have anything to worry about...as strong as you feel about this and as long as you stay safe and don't flip out and hurt yourself or someone else. Not getting PRO HELP for the SA could put you in jail or a goverment nut house where forced sex is the norm.

Eddie