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#71212 - 08/15/01 06:41 PM Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
EVERYONE,
Maybe I'm the ONLY ONE who feels this way, but this is 2001 and SEXUALITY is a topic that still has many unknown aspects.... MEDICINE IS NOT A COMPLETE SCIENCE.
Why are the only options, men who like women or men who like men? Because of being forced into sexual activity as a child, before puberty; my FIRST experiences of sexual pleasure occurred while being sodomized. NOW, my wildest desires are focused on my anus...
I know there are a lot of you jacking-off to some pretty weird thoughts and images! Are these the true reflection of your real sexuality??
Aren't we all less rigid in our sexual roles or desires than we ever let on -- even to ourselves?? More opportunistic and prone to some actions out of sexual necessity?? If stranded on a desert island with only 1 sexual partner available (different from our current partner of choice) would we NOT eventually turn to that partner regardless of our current inclinations?? ;\)


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#71213 - 08/15/01 09:34 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1268
Loc: Northern Ohio
In answer to your last sentence.
NO FRICKEN WAY!!

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#71214 - 08/16/01 03:14 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Dear Blackleaves,
I would had said the same thing myself a year ago. It has been more like ten years, so mush happening in just one year. My year of total recall of my SA when I was 11, 12, 13...by older boys that my father would not stop...watched!!!! I have crossed all sexural lines...how do they say it...people, toys, and pets. I said hell no to all sex except masterbation for 15 years after the SA! Now that the SA has come back in flashbacks I have turned into somewhat of a sex addict...can't get enough but I am slowing down now finially after a year of going nuts. Not everyone goes nuts like me..you maybe the one in a thousand male who has had SA and will not want to have sex with another man!!!

I wish you luck,
Eddie


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#71215 - 08/16/01 02:38 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
getteddie,I do agree with you. Humans left on an island DO, I believe, and have read, tht sicience tells us they will after some time, it may vary with the place, climate - ect.)turn to that other human on that island and have a good (it may vary re the place, island ect.) time. bosishere


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#71216 - 08/16/01 03:00 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Just Call me J Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
I had a long talk with my lesbian best friend the other night. It is her belief that EVERYONE is at least bisexual, most just are too stubborn to admit it.

I don't completely agree; as a matter of fact, right after my flashback, I began to wonder if EVERYONE hadn't been sexually abused, and those that weren't were repressing it. Just like I did.

However, my questions about my sexuality have continued to pop up. As I've stated before, I realized I was "different" a long time ago, because I crossdressed. I eventually found the pornography about crossdressing. The sexual component of male/male sex was originally a major turn-off. As it continued to surface, I began to accept it, so I skipped less, then skimmed more. Then read more.

I'm not comfortable with my sexuality. That goes without saying. Even in my talk w/ my best friend, I found it hard to say that I might have interest in sex with men. Still do. I talk around the subject. But somewhere in my subconscious, it IS there.

In the original talk I had with my best friend and cousin about the SA, I also had one other thing that I felt compelled to say. Actually, I really didn't have much choice about saying it; if I didn't say the words, I literally would have vomited, so badly was the need to form the words out loud. "I'm gay." After saying that, my 2 friends tried talking about the abuse some more, and I had to stop everyone and say, "Didn't you guys just notice that I said 'I'm gay'??" This was important to me, almost more important than the abuse.

But since I don't actively fantasize about guys, I'm confused. My radar for people is generally bad. I don't notice hot girls OR hot boys. But if I notice anyone who is hot, it DOES tend to be women (or more specifially, their clothes).

Can't say what I would do on a deserted isle. I can live a long time off of discussion, and deep thought. I can go weeks without feeling horny.

Maybe I'm just weird. What I am, for sure, is running late for work. Take care all!

J
We're in this together.

_________________________
We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails

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#71217 - 08/16/01 06:55 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1268
Loc: Northern Ohio
Listen, I have absolutely NO desire what-so-ever to have sex with a man, Period! Nor do I believe I ever would under ANY circumstances. An adult man molested me for years, and there is NO damn way a Dick is getting in my ....body again. NO sex at all is far better than that.
If you think YOU would, well, thats YOU, not ME. You can sight ever survey and statistic u want, I'm not buying into it.
There is a lot of really good discussions here. And im learning from you, gaining insight and understanding, but im not budging on that. SEX with a man is the MOST digusting thing I can imagine. But that's my view, for ME. Im not judging any of you, not at all, honest. I just simply can imagine that at all.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#71218 - 08/17/01 08:43 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Blackleaves,
If it comes, it will not matter what you want or don't want...you will have about as much control as you did while being raped...but for different reasons. You sound very angery and out of control. I hope that you are in therapy, if not please go!

Eddie


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#71219 - 08/17/01 12:06 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
blackleaves, in ALL OUR LIFES, one can hope and want certain things. You have made your decision and I RESPECT THAT DECISION. However, what getteddie says, and I, and I think, many of us believe, is that we CANNOT ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT THE OTHER PERSON(S) ARE GOING TO DO TO US. look at two (2) circumstances - 1. war -- we as a countr are at war with whomever, and you as a man are in a gox hole, or what ever, and 5, or 10, or as I have heard even 20 other men of your team are very horney, and they all rape you without your ok. 2. you are in a prison or something semilar, and a group of men who again are real horny, and they pick you out of who they want to rape. here again you can do noting. these fact DO happen all the time. war hopefully not too many times in a century. in prisons, practially every week, and people in charge no that is does happen. to end this post on a brighter note, hopefully we as individuals will NEVER BE IN A POSITION OF THE POOR PERSON GETING RAPED, wether male or female. Please take care. bosishere


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#71220 - 08/17/01 12:43 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
All i wanted to say on this one is what makes you think everyone is pigeon holed when it comes to sex?

I dont think my sexuality is black and white at all.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71221 - 08/17/01 04:39 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
John,
I guess I feel this way because of the pressure placed on us by the masses...a place for everything and everything in it's place. Because you can't treat anyone different for their sexual presrence, they now can ask what it is...not seen much but it is building. I have filled out forms that asked this and didn't have a place to check...undecided...or not black or white...only S, G. or Bi...didn't say anything about being A-Sexural, Non-Sexual, or anything else. I ran into this at Pdocs and subport groups...I'm sure that the FBI has this in all of it's files. What really got me was when my boss leaked my SA to everyone at work and behind my back everyone calls me a fag....the boss calls me a cock smoker. I was raped while I was a child so now I am gay...for sure. Talk about being cramed into a pigon hole....everyone has put me there....SCREW IT !!!!!

Blackleaves,
I really don't think that you have anything to worry about...as strong as you feel about this and as long as you stay safe and don't flip out and hurt yourself or someone else. Not getting PRO HELP for the SA could put you in jail or a goverment nut house where forced sex is the norm.

Eddie


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#71222 - 08/17/01 05:33 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Eddie,

Yeah, i see where your coming from now, i hate it when you have to force rank things into someone elses idea of what the available choices are, totally pisses me off too.

I am sorry you find yourself working in a place with some inconsiderate people as co-workers, i dont think i would do so well with a boss like yours.

I have a better understanding now of what you were saying.

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71223 - 08/17/01 05:40 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
babs Offline
Member

Registered: 07/20/01
Posts: 59
Loc: Cub Hill, MD
bosishere --
You repeatedly mentioned in your post about 'horny men' forcing sex on others! What happened to all of you SA survivors is called "RAPE"!! Rape is not a sex act, it is an violent brutal crime upon another individual! Being 'horny' is not an excuse or justification!!
Do you go out and rape someone every time you feel horny?? I hope and pray that's not true.
The examples you gave are places where brutality rules and mob psychology sweeps social constraints aside. MIGHT makes RIGHT !!
Sorry if I've come on too strong, but I'm a 49 YO female who is really tired of hearing RAPE being explained away as the act of a "HORNY" individual instead of the POWER TRIP/ULTIMATE CONTROL WEAPON used by a "depraved" individual.
One Women's Opinion,
babs \:\(


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#71224 - 08/17/01 08:02 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Babs, yes rape is rape. I appoligize for letting you or anybody else think it is right because a man is horny and seeks out someboody to "make himself feel good" but REALLY is raping that person. I don't want people to think I am finding a way out of my screw up of how I put that post together. Yes I'm a sexual abuse survivor, many times over - it was done to me when I was only 7 and in a hospital time and time again, always at night. I was in that hospital for three years either on my stomach or back in a bed. that was in the early 50s. now go to 1990 and I am also a survivor - a person who was hit by a NYC subway train, so my brain, amoung other parts of my boody, doesn"t always work like I would like it to. When I was out for a ride in my wheelchair, I had to say to myself, what a stupit ass I was in my previous post for NOT SAYING THAT RAPE IS RAPE. my counselor keeps hounding that fact into me. I did learn something - I will go back a read a post "to be" several times to make sure I don't screw up like I did today. On a note about the American public re rape - at this last April meeting outdoors on the University of Vanderbilt campus about 7 or 8 women talked about they geting raped. I was the only man who would come forward to talk about that horrible crime. I think many will back me up on this, that the public has only BEGUN to accept the fact that RAPE does happen to men as well as woman, and as I said not only in prisons. 1 more item - you are 49, but I am 57 and it took me, and I think many men because of what we are taught about rape, 48 years to go public. I'm not trying ANYBODY to feal guilty, rape has always been a crime against women in this country for many years. enough said. bosishere


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#71225 - 08/18/01 09:33 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Dear Bosishere,
I see that you got your ass kicked a little by my sweet Babs...I call her Boo Boo...like the bear. She is really a very sweet lady who has kept me alive for the past 22 years. I'm 53 and was raped countless times starting at 11YO. I was always told by my abusers that they were horny and just needed to have sex with me or that they were bored. "I'm bored, me too - lets get Eddie!" This was 40 years ago and I have never raped anyone so I'm a victum not an expert on rape...shit Boo Boo has kicked my ass lots of times for saying rape was sex...I mean what the hell I only seen it from one side and was brain-washed to believe that they were only having sex with me. I didn't even know what rape was! When I started having flashbacks, what did I do?... started to act- out with another guy...I wanted to be raped again. From what I saw and read on the net...fisting was it... when it came to anal sex, so I when there. It took about a month to find a guy with experience, my age, and liked a lot of things that I do ..like smoking real good pot. He talked for weeks, I didn't try to hide the History or the Cookies from Boo Boo so she found out after I had let him fist me 3 times...I loved it! Shit, I just told her the truth and asked her to do it to me...didn't have the guts to ask her before. Now being fisted by Boo Boo and an experienced gay guy is a lot different but we both got used to it. I found out that I wanted the sex act it's self not the guy...I still don't like being around guys at all...at least I stopped tring to even the score by hurting them! Now a kid that has been raped as much as I have either starts to like it or he dies. So what? So he will seak it out later in life like I did. Now Boo Boo had me cornered and wanted to know where this anal sex thing came from so I told her what I could remember at the time. I said that an older friend was horny so he tied me up and pushed his cock into my ass and had sex with me. WOW. she went nuts ,saying that I was raped. I told her that it was sex and she went nuts on me...trying to teach me the difference between rape and sex! I know in my mind but still my heart doesn't know! Now a year later after seeing hundreds, thousands of flashbacks, I have pretty much total recall of the 3 - 4 years of being raped by 20 + guys. Boo Boo still wants to kick my ass for not being sure about sex and rape. From being forced to submit totally...instead of being beaten up...the submition has come back, back big time and I can't say NO to mostly everything...my 12YO girl likes this....gets me to take her anywhere and hits me up for all my cash! I'm comfussed about a lot of things, my sexuality and sex-rape are the top two. You were wrong about what you said about sex and rape but don't beat yourself up about it...I still do it and Boo Boo is right on my ass for it. So you screwed up a little...don't shut up...I, myself like the way you are so open, unshockable, and you always tell it like it is...even if you are wrong...this is Very COOL! Don't be afraid of Boo Boo...she only wants what is right and best for me. I was out of it the last time with PTSD...she is giving me another chance...but will shoot me and my lover the next time! I made a deal with her...being comfussed or not, or even me being bi...We are married and I will not do it with anyone but her...no bullshit!!!! I guess that this is the most important thing to all parteners! I know that I would kill any person"with my bare hands" caught having sex with Boo Boo...I would keep Boo Boo..she is mine ..... only one wife in a millon would be kind enough to fist her man if he wanted or needed it!!!!!!! Got up this morning feeling at peace with the world and myself...did take 60mm of Perkidan for the pain in my lower gut...a hell of a lot better than having pain in my head!!!! Did it for the first time in a week...The longest that I have gone without it since last October...did it 163 times...no shit...as much as 9 times in a week! So I am starting to gain soom control. I wish that you would E-mail me to talk about life and things...I have no male friends to talk to, that would understand...no friends at all..people must be afraid of me...call me "SHOOT THEM DEAD ED"...I was a biker, A Mother...which is like a vice pres. in the Pagans M.C....have long hair and beard...always wear blue geans and tank tops...have vines and roses from my right elbow to my neck...I just thought that it looked a lot better that a lot of biker crap! I'm very comfussed about a lot of crap but don't want to talk to anyone toooooooooooo nerdie! Boo Boo doesn't mine if we talk...don't want us to have sex...and you live so far away, there is no chance of that! So if you got the time...I'm off of work with time up the ass and a big cast...on my right arm. WHATEVER !!!!!!

Later
Eddie


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#71226 - 08/18/01 09:35 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1268
Loc: Northern Ohio
getteddie & bosishere,
getteddie questioned on 8-15-01, "if stranded....would we not eventually turn to that partner".
I understood that to mean an act of Free Will, the key term being, "turn to". Rape is completely different, and if that's what U meant , then I didn'tunderstand it that way.
I know what RAPE IS[/I]. 'Been through IT to know.
And ya, I am angry, Danm it And I have to express it. Out of control? No, i'm not. two years ago, close it it.
As a social worker, I have to deal with people that abuse thier kids, (and not kill them, & treat them FAIRLY & non-judgemental) its my job. And that is what I do. I keep MY feelings separate from my cases. Some days are very difficult. I was hoping I could Let Off Some Steem here....
I've been through counseling, individual & group, took my meds, and did lots of theraputic stuff. This is also theraputic for me. I'm expressing MY point, MY feeling, MY dread, MY pain. I'm reading what everyone has to say. I gain insight, I don't feel so alone, expand my understanding of my past & how its effecting me. I may not always state things the way I intended them. Its hard for me to even type some of the words. We're all at different points of this "process", right? Well, this is where I'm at, and I'm not really sure where that is
If I didn't get what U meant, &/or I seemed unreasonable, I apologize.

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#71227 - 08/18/01 12:36 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
BlackLeaves - thank you for your post. I, too, don't always say what I want the way I want. bosishere


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#71228 - 08/19/01 02:44 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
I didn't say or mean to rape anyone...or will I ever do so!!!!

Most of us that are here for truefull reasons have Therapist and MD's to pump out the meds. What is the first thing that a therapist will tell you about Net-subport groups????? They are somewhat good "BUT" you just can't keep the bullshiters out!!!!!!! They say to "KEEP OFF THE NET"...why?...so you don't get you mind fucked up by some 50 YO fat woman in Tuson AZ, who loves to play with people in net subport groups. The leaders of NOMSV should make everyone pay the $48...join giving their real name and address...proving it with a credit in the same name....BEFORE THEY ARE LET INTO ANY DISUSSION FORUM.....You want this to be a safe place where survivors can talk freely....THEN MAKE IT THAT WAY.....WHY SCREW AROUND>>>YOU GOT TO TIGHEN THIS SHIT UP>>>>ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDDIE


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#71229 - 08/19/01 08:31 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Anonymous
Unregistered


Eddie :

You might want to write to me privately about your concerns... I can't tell what it is you're talking about.... If someone from the Forum is causing a problem online, then they will be kicked off...

But, so far, I don't see the person you are talking about...

tat2bear


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#71230 - 08/21/01 07:08 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
thanks for offering to help. Babs in this room and in the gay survivors has upset some guys. I thought women were supposed to use other sites anyways. we'll be ok. :rolleyes:


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#71231 - 08/21/01 07:47 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
I honestly believe that most of the people on this site more than any other site I have ever been on are truly sympathetic and understanding and supportive. No matter where you go you're going to run into phonies. SO goes life in the everyday world.
People are very warry of other people in public why should it be any different on the net? If anything - everyone should be a little more cautious on the net.
But no matter what - at least speaking for this site and the good information I have gotten from the people and the support I have gotten here is unmatched at any other site on the net. Believe it or not I did get some of my best advice here for myself. There are a lot of caring and good -honest people here.
Think about this... Why do we seek out a site like this one? It's because we need that strong support. We need to know that what we are feeling is not unusual. What we need is to know from people who understand exactly what we are thinking and talking about so that we don't keep thinking to ourselves "am I the only one in the world with these strange thoughts or feelings or ideas?" "Am I a freak?" "Does anyone out there understand?"
We all - in some way or another want to be what society has dictated as "normal" for men.
Well sorry, we are not normal... But then no one is. What is normal?
Everyone has strange thoughts and deep dark secrets. It's knowing that it is okay to have those thoughts and how to deal with them that matters. You can think anything you want as long as you know what is right and what is wrong. Sometimes that's what keeps us surviving. We have to be human first. We have to make our mistakes and allow ourselves to make those mistakes. But we must also be willing to learn from them. We must be strong in what we think and do - maybe even more than the next guy. But at the same time we have to be willing to open ourselves up a little bit in order to get what we need out of life. Afterall we are dealing with major issues here. But at the same time - if we allow ourselves to give into the bad or give up because of a few phonies then we become victims all over again rather than survivors. And that my friend is what we do not want to happen.
We are all strong just because we make it through each and every single day. It did take a lot of brains and courage to get this far. Don't ever let anyone including your own self - stop you from striving to reach that point where you can say that YOU ARE A SURVIVOR - and a victim no more!
It can be difficult and confusing and lonely. Don't ever give up or give in just because of a few people or thoughts.]
Don't ever let anyone make you a victim ever again. Only you know what you need and have to do. In the end only you can really help you - everything else is just advice and everyone else is just a spectator.
Good Luck!
Your Friend Always,

gadzook




_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71232 - 08/22/01 06:12 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
gadzook. thanks for your wonderful thoughts. they are inspiring to me. and will be to others. you are so clear about yourself. you will always survive. keep going!!! chuck


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#71233 - 08/23/01 06:31 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Just Call me J Offline
Member

Registered: 07/14/01
Posts: 204
Loc: Inland Empire, California
I'd like to give a voice of support for Babs being in here. No one has ever jumped on me for going into the Family and Friends board, so why should we go after her.

Except for ONE post, Babs has been friendly and supportive. And even in that one post, she had a VERY good point. She was justifiably angry (wouldn't you, if you heard "rape" as just some by-product of being "horny").

I don't care whether it is another survivor, or a friend/family member of a survivor, that gives me support.

J
There is a reason why my .sig is
We're in this together.

_________________________
We're in this together. - Nine Inch Nails

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#71234 - 08/23/01 07:03 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
I happen to agree with you.
I think everyone of us has heard someone say something that set us off. I think it is okay to question the "why" someone said something to get clarification. At the same time I feel everyones point of view is so important on this board. What may not give one person good advice may indeed give another. Let us never be afraid to question one another. It's the only real way we can have a open forum and to include all different opinions and ideas.
We all at one time or another have been at the point where we do not understand what someone is trying to say. This may be frustrating or upsetting at times. I am not perfect nor do I expect anyone else to be. I think as long as it is done constructively - to vent is just one more way to heal.
Be it a survivor or a friend/family of a survivor - we all need an outlet. But remember what I said - as long as it is done constructively.
So don't be afraid to question and don't be afraid to have an opinion. But do it with the thought in mind (especially here) that everyone in one way or another is going through something that just puts us all (from time to time) on that roller coaster ride of emotions.
Support with an outlet is very important to us. Without it we end up pushing all those feelings and ideas and frustrations deeper inside of ourselves. That can be dangerous. We know what happens next... Then we blow!
I support people to constructively speak their mind. But let's try and be understanding and sympathetic and remember this is not an easy road for anyone. At least we have a place where we can all go for the advice and support of someone close to our situation. That's why most of us are here any ways.
gadzook



_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71235 - 08/23/01 07:43 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
GADZOOK - VERY, VERY WELL SAID. I HAVE JUST ONE THING TO ADD -- GOOD BYE. BOSISHERE


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#71236 - 08/23/01 03:01 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone, I agree with gadzook that this is the best site on the net for male SA support and I have been everywhere. I did find out one thing about Male SA Support. In the USA it is the second least supported group...the first least supported group is The Family and Friends of Male SA Survivers!!!!!!!!!

Eddie


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#71237 - 08/23/01 03:52 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
Quote:
Originally posted by getteddie:
Everyone, I agree with gadzook that this is the best site on the net for male SA support and I have been everywhere. I did find out one thing about Male SA Support. In the USA it is the second least supported group...the first least supported group is The Family and Friends of Male SA Survivers!!!!!!!!!

Eddie

******************************************************************************************

Very Interesting. I did not know that. But I would have to say that I would believe that.
What a shame!
GADZOOK



_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71238 - 08/23/01 03:58 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
Quote:
Originally posted by bosishere:
GADZOOK - VERY, VERY WELL SAID. I HAVE JUST ONE THING TO ADD -- GOOD BYE. BOSISHERE


Sorry to see you go.
But if you must then you must.
In the words of a great philosopher -
"T.T.F.N"
"Ta Ta For Now"
-Tigger from Winnie the Pooh.


O.k. so maybe he wasn't any great rocket scientist or anything....
It's a joke people! :-)

I know you all are laughing on the inside...
I just hope you all are laughing "with me"!!

Gadzook


_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71239 - 08/23/01 06:35 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi all, read through this whole thread and think we should'nt get so worked up about peoples differing opinions.
The issue here is SA. As well as all the havic it has coused in all of our lives.
I read every post with a grain of salt.

I know people have a wide veriety of experiences and copeing mechanisms. I am not shoked or surprised , at Eddies way of expressing himself. He is being honest and open about his way of handling the SA.

I can also understand Blackleafs revoltion to the thought of having sex with another man. Let's try to be a little more resptctfull of everyones opinion. It won't help any of us to nit pick.

Peace and Frienship,
Dan \:\)


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#71240 - 08/23/01 07:55 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
Quote:
Originally posted by Danman:
Hi all, read through this whole thread and think we should'nt get so worked up about peoples differing opinions.
The issue here is SA. As well as all the havic it has coused in all of our lives.
I read every post with a grain of salt.

I know people have a wide veriety of experiences and copeing mechanisms. I am not shoked or surprised , at Eddies way of expressing himself. He is being honest and open about his way of handling the SA.

I can also understand Blackleafs revoltion to the thought of having sex with another man. Let's try to be a little more resptctfull of everyones opinion. It won't help any of us to nit pick.

Peace and Frienship,
Dan \:\)


;\) Well put. I think it's time to put this one behind us and just move on. End of subject. We have more important matters at hand then to bicker amongst one another.
Gadzook


_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71241 - 08/24/01 05:59 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
thanks Gadzook for putting perspective on this discussion. For some people, having no women in this room gives it a special place of safety. for other guys, it makes no difference. the room was set up intentionally as a "male only" room which I think was a good idea. straight men often have a different perspective and they are ok in this room too. The issue is how we support each other, listen to each other's hearts and ideas and honestly share our hopes and fears. let's not get distracted from that purpose. :rolleyes:


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#71242 - 08/24/01 09:35 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
Quote:
Originally posted by pondboy:
thanks Gadzook for putting perspective on this discussion. For some people, having no women in this room gives it a special place of safety. for other guys, it makes no difference. the room was set up intentionally as a "male only" room which I think was a good idea. straight men often have a different perspective and they are ok in this room too. The issue is how we support each other, listen to each other's hearts and ideas and honestly share our hopes and fears. let's not get distracted from that purpose. :rolleyes:


****

Thank you. I know how hard it is for people when everyone in one way or another has to deal with such hard feelings. Sometimes a simple questions, theory, or answer can just go right to the gut of someone. But I think if we all understand that there is a ton of useful information that people give every single day around here and that we are all learning from one another. In the end we all will be better off.

By the way thanks for all the support the past 1/2 year to you and everyone else here. I could never have made it this far this soon without you all!

Thanks,
Gadzook




_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71243 - 08/24/01 11:24 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
ill tell you if you dont like my post, fuck off, im not here to please you im here to get my shit out and some help, if one person is going to be offended and all have to change, sounds like i or them can just go back to the dis-functional family and cry in the pillows, dont tell me to shut-up on post do it in your own mind, ive heard that seeing it and writing it is a way of reliving, with the intention of not scaring the crap out of us every time we are triggered, or maybe the idea of being quit, like i have all these years is the one way one person wants it....who the hell do you think you are, ask a question, and then condem the person and their reply?


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#71244 - 08/24/01 12:03 PM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
Quote:
Originally posted by thunderbolt:
ill tell you if you dont like my post, fuck off, im not here to please you im here to get my shit out and some help, if one person is going to be offended and all have to change, sounds like i or them can just go back to the dis-functional family and cry in the pillows, dont tell me to shut-up on post do it in your own mind, ive heard that seeing it and writing it is a way of reliving, with the intention of not scaring the crap out of us every time we are triggered, or maybe the idea of being quit, like i have all these years is the one way one person wants it....who the hell do you think you are, ask a question, and then condem the person and their reply?


Well I am not sure if you are talking to me or who you are talking to. But I do agree with you. However just because we all have issues to get out does not mean that we should not be sympathetic to others. In one way or another we all have our own demons to deal with. I don't think this is a "cure all" for people with such deep and dark problems. That is why we have personal therapists and doctors.
I understand the problems we all face - believe me. And we should never ever be afraid to say what we need to. If it helps that is wonderful. With what we all have been through and go through we cannot always be as polite as we would all normally be. I think everyone has done it and everyone understands that. So as I stated before - let's just get whatever it is we can here and leave it at that. This place is great for advice and support. That is the main reason why most of us are here.
Honestly I would love to never have known this place even was here. In some way I think we all would love that. I would love to be living the good life. No nightmares or thoughts or depression or anxiety. No confusion and saddness.
But since I am not that lucky and I know this is far from a perfect world - I am sure glad this site is here. In many ways the people here have saved me.
gadzook



[ August 24, 2001: Message edited by: Gadzook ]

_________________________
~Gadzook

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#71245 - 08/27/01 11:50 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
well then on with the show!!


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#71246 - 08/28/01 02:53 AM Re: Why is Everyone SEXUALLY PIGEON-HOLED??
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Everyone, I would like to say one last thing about having the living shit pigeon-holed out of me at work! I had to tell a supervisor last year I had to go on sick leave and go to a hospital for three weeks. I was really fliped out and said too much. He wasn't surposed to but did tell someone and it spread to everyone. How I've been off work on sick leave for two weeks for an operation on my elbow and had another operation to repair a hermia yesterday. Being in great pain...they sent me home with some pain pills...I haven't be able to sleep all night...So I called work to talk to a friend and to see what was up...it was me!!!! Because of the SA everyone said that I was gay, a nut case, and was most likely a rapest of males. WOW, Johns Hopkins is a very big place and you would think that the workers were better imformed but no they are afraid that I will rape them...what ass holes...what shit heads. I work at night 11 to 7 and don't see too many staft but this shit is getting out of control. Who wants to face this shit ???

Pigeoned-holed
Eddie


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