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#71193 - 01/15/07 05:34 PM Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
I need some help. I was raped about 9 years ago when I had just come out. I went on a date with this guy, we were watching a movie at his place, I needed something to drink and he got it for me, but he must have slipped something in the water. The next thing I remember is waking up with him and his roommate on top of me having their way with me.

Up until now I haven't been able to even talk about this situation, but I have fallen in love with someone, and the rape or at least the after effects are causing me to be distructive to this relationship. My self-esteem is so low because of what happened, I don't belive that anyone could or should love me, so unfortunately I am doing things to keep him from loving me.

I am just wondering if anyone can tell help me get through this. Any help would be greatly appreciated

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71194 - 01/15/07 06:36 PM Re: Need Help
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
dont let what they did screw up your chance to be happy , its good your talking thats the first step or baby step seems like baby steps turn into big steps but it takes a while to see it

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#71195 - 01/15/07 07:07 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
thanks for your reply. Im trying to take steps, but Im still a little nervous talking about it, since I haven't in such a long time

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71196 - 01/15/07 07:24 PM Re: Need Help
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Rob,

I'm glad you found this place, and congratulations on taking the huge step to post here. I hope that you can get something out of it.

The first thing I would recommend is seeing a counselor. They can help you work with your specific issues as they emerge. They can also help you deal with the relationship issues and self-defeating behaviors that are wrecking your relationship. Counseling has worked wonders for me, but it's not for everyone.

The second thing I would recommend is thinking about telling your BF about what happened. I say this because if he knows then he might be more understanding as you work through what has happened. You may not be ready to do this, and that is perfectly understandable.

The third thing I would recommend is giving yourself a break. Tearing yourself down only perpetuates esteem issues. Be gentle with yourself.

Take care,
Dwayne


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#71197 - 01/15/07 07:29 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
Thanks for the reply Dwanye. I have already told my BF about what happened to me, and he is very understanding and caring. You are right, I probably do need to give myself a break. I know that it was NEVER my fault what happened, but its still hard to totally understand that.

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71198 - 01/15/07 07:29 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Rob,
I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. I would consider getting counselling first then if you are feeling comfortable with the person you have fallen in love with in, you can tell them what happened.

How long have you being in a realtionship with the newperson?

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71199 - 01/15/07 07:40 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
The new guy is actually the first person I told about what happened to me. I am just now starting to get comfortable talking about what did happen.

We have been dating about 8 months now

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71200 - 01/15/07 08:16 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Rob,

That is good to hear that you have started talking about it. How does it make you feel when you do start talking about? And how does the new guy respond to you?

Is he giving you support?

Take care.
Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71201 - 01/15/07 08:22 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
I am so nervous talking about. Im glad that I can finally talk about it, but at the same time I am scared to talk about it, because I just want to forget that it ever happened. When I first told him about it I was so ashamed. I thought it was my fault, that I had done something to deserve it, but he told me and keeps telling me that its not my fault and it never was. He has been and is being so supportive about the whole situation. He says he is going to help me in anyway that he can.

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71202 - 01/15/07 08:25 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Rob

I am sorry to hear that you feel that way. I dont think it is best to forget that it happened, that could make it worse for you as will play over in your mind.

Also it is NOT your fault and in no way did you "deserve it". It is good that he is supporting you. Have you considered talkig to a counsellor about this?

take care

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71203 - 01/15/07 08:27 PM Re: Need Help
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
you might want to look into therapy at your local gay and lesbian center. i know the one here offeres group therapy for people in simmilar situations where they can all talk about it and realize how you are not alone. they probabbly offer one on one sessions too. just at thought.


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#71204 - 01/15/07 08:32 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
Ive been getting in touch with counsellors recently. Im realizing more and more that it isnt nor was it ever my fault. The more I talk about it the more I realize that.

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71205 - 01/15/07 08:55 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
thats good to hear that you have started to speak about it. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71206 - 01/15/07 08:56 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
Im trying my best to not blame myself anymore. Its just really hard. Hopefully I can get through this, and hopefully my relationship can survive

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71207 - 01/15/07 09:07 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Rob,
I know it is hard trying not to blame yourself, but you are NOT to blame here. It was NOT your fault. You were not to know about the drink being spiked.

I am sure that with the right level of support and support from your boy friend you will be able to start on the journey to recovery.In fact you have taken your first step by coming here.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71208 - 01/15/07 09:10 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
Im realizing that more and more with every response I get I feel better. Thank you for your support

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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#71209 - 01/15/07 09:12 PM Re: Need Help
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Rob,

your welcome. :-)

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#71210 - 01/15/07 09:35 PM Re: Need Help
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Rob,

It sounds like you've done all you can for now.

Being gentle with oneself is one of the most difficult things to do. Keep reminding yourself that you deserve a break, and it will help. If you find you are attacking yourself, take a deep breath and remind yourself again. It sounds simplistic, but it can work.


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#71211 - 01/15/07 09:47 PM Re: Need Help
Bowler300 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 01/15/07
Posts: 9
Loc: Dayton Ohio
Im learning that more and more. I was hard on myself for too long now, I need to just be myself again. However, that is easier said than done sometimes.

I do have to say though, this website is helping more than I could have imagined. I am so glad that I stumbled upon it

_________________________
Bowler300 a.k.a Rob

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