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#71109 - 07/13/01 12:32 PM Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi. I am a survivor, and I have found that many of the males survivors that I have known are gay or bi. I wonder if there have been studies of the impact of childhood sexual abuse of males on the victims' later sexuality and sexual preferences. I suspoect strongly that my confusion about my sexuality is a directo result ot the sexual and other abuse I experienced in my family. I have also read in bools for male survivors that we survivors wind up totally confused and fearful aroiund issues of sexuality and emotional intimacy, and often are confused about our sexual orientation.

Does anyone know of any such studies? Please let me know and also feel free to comment on the subject, in general.

Thanks!

Lance


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#71110 - 07/16/01 01:43 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Lance, please see my reply to your post on the male survivor web page. In that post I left of the fact that the meeting of about 125 college students took place on the Vanderbilt Unniversity campus. Also each survivor has his own problems to go thru and being a survivor DOES make it more difficult to have sex with ANYBODY. I also would like to say that maybe if you contacted the main office of NOMSV, they could give you names of books (s) that deal with your question (s). Please excuse the screw ups. bosishere


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#71111 - 07/24/01 03:51 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hello Lance,
I am also a survivor, I was sexually abused by my stepfather from age 3 to 12. I have also struggled with unwanted homosexual thoughts and feelings, pornagraphy compulsive masterbation,ect. Even through my 10 year marriage.
I have been in and out of therapy for many years and have come a long way in my recovery and healing. It is very obvious to me now that the sexual-abuse is directly linked with all of these unfortunate confusions and compulsions. I don't think this should come as a surprise. It is very common for both men and women who have been sexually abused to be confused about their sexuality. I have read studies that indicate that up to 87 percent of homosexual males where sexually abused as childeren. I have also read studies that indicate that among female prostitutes the persectage of early childhood sexual abuse is about 96 percent. This is very unforunate and saddening. Sexual abuse reaks havoc and torment on people myself included. But I really think that all of these distructive compulsions can be overcome with some good help and support, from people who relly care and have good balanced aproach to the way they practice their therapy.
If you would like to talk anytime,
my E-mail is dkgskd@aol.com

Peace and friendship,
Dan


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#71112 - 07/25/01 09:44 AM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
I have wondered the same thing and went into therapy to be sure of the source of my feelings. I am clearly much more comfortable having sex with a man than a woman. its tougher to be gay than straight but much happier for me. you ask good questions . I'm not sure if there is a definitive answer so keep asking it. but you also need to think about what makes you happy. and follow that. best, chuck (I was married for a long time. if you ever want to email me: cspence3@aol.com


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#71113 - 07/25/01 02:47 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi, Pondboy
In regard to your last post I do agree that we have to try to be happy to some extent but some decisions that might seem to make us temporatily "happy" are not always the best thing for us. For example, if I sleep around with other women or men for that matter, while being married to my wife it is moraly wrong, no matter how "happy" it makes me. There will be serious consequences
It will a reak distasterous consequenses on my wife children and even myself, I have met too many men who for whaterver reason, be it sexual abuse or otherwise have become involed in the homosexual lifestyle or bisexul or whatever, and ended up with Aids or some other unfortunate consequence. I beleive their latter condition is worse than the first.
I have come to beleive that I must try to do the right thing, even if it means to deny myself of my own self gradification, in the end it will be well worth it.
Just something to think about.
Peace


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#71114 - 07/25/01 05:45 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi, Danman, and thanks for your reply. If I gave the impressiuon that happiness should be the only goal, I apologize. That certainly is not my intent, nor is it what I believe. I agree completely that happiness is not the be-all and end-all of life, but I also believe that it is reasonable to desire a reasonable level of happiness and contentment in one's life. Of course, I also believe that part of feeling happy and content is a matter of attitude, i.e., how we choose to perceive our world and events in it.

As for what is right, it seems to me that it is up to each one of us to figure out what is right in the context of our values. I, too, believe that is wrong for one who is married to have extra-marital sex or affairs. Yet, I also know it is often extremely difficult for some people to refrain from such encounters for a wide range of reasons, often not all a lack of moral strength or values. I believe,too, that people who engage in such behavior get aids or any other disease simply because these are some of the risks of engaging in casual sexual behavior. I don;t believe that it has anything to do with rewrad and opunishment for "good" or "bad" behavior. If we engage in risky behavior, we may end up with consequences we'd really rather avoid and therefore hurt oursleves and others, too.

I guess I am somewhat uncomfortable with connecting "right" behavior with a happy life too strongly. Sometimes, regardless of our behavior, we are faced with very difficult challenges that can seem overwhelming. For example, being abused as a child, developing cancer, etc. Do some people who contracted aids deserve what they got because they engaged in behaviors that some believe to be immoral? Are they being punished by God? I don't believe so.

Just some more thoughts to ponder.

thanks again.

LanceC


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#71115 - 07/25/01 06:31 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
Lance, VERY, VERY GOOD POST. bosishere


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#71116 - 07/26/01 11:42 AM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Lance,
Thanks for your reply. I hope I didn't give the impression that sorting out all this crap associated to out sexual abuse is easy, it is not. It has been a battle for me, for many years. I know its not easy for any of us.

I was speaking from my personl experience though and I know there is hope for those of us who are looking.

At one point in my life I also gave into my out of control sexual feelings and was consumed with masterbation and pornography, and even sexually acting out with wonem and men a few times, while being married. I know that the feelings where overwelming at times and I felt like I couldn't control myself.

Then, I received some help in a mens group at my church and started to understand that I could control my feelings and thoughts if I really choose to. It takes alot of hard work and support, from accoutability partners, and God, but it is possible.

Some of the guys in my mens group have been sober from compulsive masterbation and acting out for years as much as 5-10 years. I have been sober for 1 and a half years now.
So for me I am determined to fight, for the rest of my life and try to do the right thing.

I say for me, because this is what I personaly choose to do. There are many others who choose this as well. I think this is one of our options. It is a REAL possibility. I understand that it may not be the most popular view in some circles but for me it is.
I am determined to be faithfull to my wife and keep my comittment to her and my children. I have been married for ten years and she is the best thing that ever happend to me.
It gives me a great deal of peace to try to the right thing, "for me".
Something to think about.
Peace and frienship,
Dan


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#71117 - 07/26/01 01:08 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
getteddie Offline
Member

Registered: 07/19/01
Posts: 226
Loc: Cub Hill, Md
Hey Pond boy,
Tell it like it is!!! Sure a man can force himself to do anything...not have sex for 90 days ...do 12 steps...go to meetings and complain about thinking about masterbating! Run away from his wife and kids...do things on the side....whatever...when a man has been sexually adused...when a kid or whatever...his mind gets fucked up!!!! He may be strong enough to keep his shit together or he my not be. None of the married guys want to screw up their marriages, few want to be gay...some fight it forever...some give in...some blow their brains out...today I like the latter!

Eddie


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#71118 - 07/26/01 05:03 PM Re: Male Abuse and Homosexuality - Any Connections?
Anonymous
Unregistered


PONDBOY: Thank you for your reply to my post. somehow, I missed seeing our message yesterday...I apologize.

Yes, there certainly are no easy answers, I am glad that you seem to be geting some clarity in some areas. I, too, am bbeginning to gain some new insights into my feelings and behavior, andit really helps.

Thanks again.

LanceC


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