I just wrote my whole story on the main BB.

As I said in my response to the man who wonders if he was gay or not, that is not the issue, but for whatever reason, when I am feeling at my worst, which is a lot lately, I feel the need to act out the abuse with young men, the more exploitive the better, and that is never the answer, in the end but just the way to make me more alone and hopeless.

My forte seems to be to sabotage myself.

Isa, hello. I think you put your self down too much. After reading all that you put on these posts that you are not giving yourself enough credit. I believe by what you write that your are a very well educated individual. I do believe we all have down time, as the saying goes. But we are all productive, in some way or the other. some of those ways, we are taught, are agaist mankind, we get punished for that way. Myself, I'm currently trying to find a way to be agian productive, and the subway train hit me. somedays are better that others, but I do hope something does come along. You may want to read some of my past when I wrote to silentnomore on "male survivors web page". It is now almost 4:00pm here in Nashville,so it is already Saturday in your part of the world. Have a good one, whatever it is, and I do hope you get a chance to e-mail me back. bye for now. Michael akak bos

Ah-hu-luan
or
Hello,
I've been living in or at Yemen Arab Republic
Northern. Sana, Taze, and Hodaida before.
I think your really faraway. I enjoied my stay oversea's in the Middle East.
It's too warm though. Are you in there or near where I'm speaking of?
I've only been thinking about other guy's, because I'm married.
How can it be more exploitive?
fmighell Anc Ak