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#71043 - 06/19/01 03:30 PM am i gay becuz of the abuse?
Anonymous
Unregistered


i dunno if this makes sense or not but if anyone has answers...... ok, what my father did to me, does that mean he was gay? am i gay because of what he did to me? or did he doit becuz he could tell i was gay and wanted too punish me? or is there no connection? thank you.cobweb.


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#71044 - 06/20/01 12:09 AM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
Anonymous
Unregistered


This is just my opinion, but from what I've read and heard, the majority of guys who molest kids are straight. The gender of the victim doesn't seem to matter, and their sexual preference doesn't matter, they just seem to want to molest kids. I don't know of any studies of kids who have been molested and how it affects their sexual preference. I sometimes wonder if I am gay because of the sexual abuse that I had. (My abuse was from a school administrator, not a relative.) Nobody seems to know for sure what "causes" homosexuality. I don't know if that will help or not, but hang in there.


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#71045 - 06/20/01 10:56 AM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
SoCalJohn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California
Good questions, i wonder about some of that too, i am going to keep an eye on this string to see what people say.

Good questions cobweb!!

John

_________________________
I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

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#71046 - 06/20/01 08:50 PM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Warning, some of this post may contain some triggering events. If you feel that some things may trigger you then I would advise you not to read on. Otherwise please read on and hopefully some of my sharing may help.

This is my first post to this discussion board and I would like to give a brief introduction of who I am firstly before I answer this question as it may set the "scene" a little bit better.

I was adopted at the age of three and a half after being put up by my bio mother due to reasons unknown to anyone in my family. I was then subjected to physical and mental abuse by my f*ther till I was 16 and a half when I left home fed up.

In my early teens I was also involved sexually with a couple of men much older than me which would be counted as sexual abuse from an outsider judging them although I was a willing participant.

I am now 23 and have been in a steady relationship with my partner for going on 7 years now and must say that I am very happy with him.

Going onto the question now:
Although being involved with those men was consentual I was in desperate need of attention since all I got at home was a punch in the teeth, ridicule, criticism or a full on beating with fists and feet. I was crying out for some fatherly love that I never had. A hug, a kiss, someone that listened to me, someone that took me to places where I could just let loose and have some good decent fun was all I was looking for.

Somewhere my subconciense (sp) tells me that I was abused in my first three years and possibly during my childhood. I really don't remember them but I just have this feeling that there are memories there but they are repressed.

Did this make me gay?

One of my first "friendships" was with a 26 year old and I fell head over heals in love at the age of 14. Yes there was sexual contact. When you are 14 you are curious and want to experience everything that your teen age life brings you. Only to have my heart and trust completely broken. Then there were others including a pedophile (not a term known to me at that stage or maybe - just completely alien but I found out a few years back) that stalked me down and took the better of me through drugs and alchohol.

Did this make me gay?

Now that I sit here and type this message I still have that question going through my brain and I honestly cannot answer it. But I can tell you that I have a really loving partner (20 years older than me) who I really love who has been very caring, very supportive and very understanding of the past I have been through and I can honestly say that I am gay, I do love him and always will love him.

I have been with a female before and I can honestly say that I did enjoy it but I know that I am not bi. And I cannot say that I am proud to be gay. I find saying that you are proud of being gay defeats the whole object of your sexual preferance because it is not a trophy, it's your life.

I do believe though that you are born gay although in extreame circumstances you can become gay to suite your lifestyle and background. Don't get me wrong, being born gay doesn't mean that your parents have given you a disease because it's not. And you can't choose to be gay although I do believe that a person can be steriotyped into being gay through necessity, guilt or because they just don't know how to go the other way.

If this message has been a total waste of your time I do appologise.

Ingwa


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#71047 - 06/21/01 08:22 AM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
bosishere Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/14/01
Posts: 161
Loc: nashville,tn,usa
hello Ingwa. your message was NOT a waste. It is VERY GOOD. reading all of your post, I kept thinking of my past, and then to see where your post comes from. My mother, r.i.p., came to this county in 1927 from near Cork, Ireland when all of that country was a British colony, so to have a gay son was and is very hard for her, and now my brothers and sister to deal with. However, as you say, I too believe, we are born gay. Unlike you though, I have NEVER been in bed with a woman. It just didn't happen, although I did go to school dances with a girl. My abuse was in, of all places, a hospital by two young men, when I was only 7, and couldn't walk or even stand. In my lifetime, I'm 57, I have seen society change and GROW to start to accept gay people. especailly the change is growing in,holy mother the Chruch. I'm Roman Catholic. but a lot MORE IS TO DEVELOPE, and maybe or maybe not I'll see that change. However, it is like you and your post that helps matters proceed. thanks so much. bosishere


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#71048 - 06/24/01 06:41 PM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
Anonymous
Unregistered


bosishere,
thanks for the comforting words. Thanks to your input I have written another post under religion. Although it's pretty deep in religion (I must apologise with you here due to the RC thing) I have managed to get some of the things off my chest. If anything I have said there helps anyone then great.

But thankyou for your post, it helps me understand that I am not alone in the world and that other people like me have gone through the same thing - abuse. We are survivors helping eachother.

Ingwa


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#71049 - 06/25/01 08:51 AM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
dbr1955 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 69
Loc: Michigan
all I know is that we are all creatures of God and he loves us all. But we are still held accountable for the wrong that we do in this life. I feel that somwhere in the nature and nuture enivironment something was taken away-therfore we are longing for the missing puzzle piece, and so we as a weaken human spirit try to justify right from wrong, wrong from right, etc, My opinion only

_________________________
Doug

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#71050 - 06/25/01 02:29 PM Re: am i gay becuz of the abuse?
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am not an expert on this bH


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