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#71018 - 05/27/01 07:38 AM Confused
Anonymous
Unregistered


I repressed my memories of sexual abuse for a long time. I started having sexual fantasies about men when I was a teenager. It didn't help that my parents divorced when I was 15, and for a time, my mom came on to me sexually. For a long time, I've seen sex with women as being equal with incest. However, I am tired of the gay community. I have never "fit in", and got tired of being used for someone else's sexual gratification, then being tossed aside when I wasn't needed any more. I also got tired of having sex to meet my needs for closeness. My sexual abuse was the only positive physical attention that I got as a kid, since my abuser made me feel like a worthwhile person, which is sure something that I wasn't getting at home. I don't want to go to one of the "ex-gay" ministries, as I have also suffered religious abuse, and want to stay away from anything that pushes a religious faith down my throat. I still have no sexual feelings for women, but I'm tired of feeling inferior and dirty when I think about sex with men.


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#71019 - 05/27/01 10:19 AM Re: Confused
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
you are in a rough place. it would be great if you could have a tender relationship with someone that didn't include sex for awhile so you could regain the tenderness of touch without any sexual pressure. are you sure you are attracted to men? whom do you have fantasys about? have you ever had a good massage from someone who knows what they are doing? have you tried any counseling. it would help clarify the confusion you must have at this time. I wish you well and would be willing to listen to your thoughts. chuck


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#71020 - 05/27/01 06:51 PM Re: Confused
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks for your response. I have fantasies about men, but my fantasies have been somewhat degrading. I have been in therapy for a long time. I think it just hit me this morning after having a nightmare about my mother and how controlling she was. I have not had a real massage, may check that out. I just got tired of guys who are only interested in sex. I have met very few gays who are interested in friendship, they all want to seem to get their jollies.


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#71021 - 05/28/01 06:59 AM Re: Confused
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
I'm glad you are in therapy. I know lots of gay men who have mature , loving , relatonships and can meet new guys without going for sex. I'd like to give you some information about a massage weekend experience that may be beneficial to you. its run all over the country by an organization here in california. If you are interested, write me and and I'll send to you their web page. cspence3@aol.com


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#71022 - 05/28/01 06:46 PM Re: Confused
Anonymous
Unregistered


I work weekends, but would be interested. I just sent you an e-mail. I think the biggest problem is that I am stuck in Oklahoma. There are very few places to meet nice gay guys.


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