Blaidd,

I was just reading the thread, and I wanted to chime in too - stop seeing that therapist!

That is a really bad therapist. He shouldn't be telling you what did and didn't happen. He should be helping you figure out - you're the person in the room who knows, not him.

From what you describe, I think it makes perfect sense you don't remember what happened. You don't feel safe now, so your mind protects you by keeping memories deep.

When you're in a relationship, you feel safe. So your mind lowers the barriers some, and you start remembering more. :p

At least that's what happened to me. I kept even the existance of my molestation repressed for almost thirty years. There were no details, since nothing had happened. Since I now feel more comfortable and safe, I've begun to remember, and the details have started showing up.

All the things Derek said make sense, and are a lot like what I want to say, so I won't repeat them.

About being intimate with a boyfriend, are your feelings of being raped coming from being with a man, or from specific acts? If the latter, are there things which your father & uncle didn't do to you that you think you'd enjoy?

Hugs,

Bill

Thanks for the feedback everyone, I appreciate it a great deal. I'm still confused about things, but have the intention of dumping the shrink when I am able to.

The validation I've received has really helped me and I'm grateful for each and every one of you who posted back to me.

I'm trying not to dwell on what the shrink said. At this point I have to move, hopefully to another town, so I'm concentrating on looking for somewhere to live that's affordable, given that I'm on a low income, disbility pension.

thanks for posting

take gentle care

blaidd

I agree stop seeing that therapist.

If you are feeling that it might have happened, then it might. How does a child fabricate these things. Take care of youself, there are many therapists and only one you!!!!

Blaidd,

I just wanted to add my two cents here, my view on therapy or seeing a shrink is that the doc is supposed to help *you* figure out the reality of your past, he/she is not supposed to *tell* you how it was, that sounds like utter nonsense to me. I know that my ability to bury things and deny things was well developed at an early age, i think that is pretty typical if you grow up in a violent or abusive atmosphere.

If your leaving the sessions with more questions than you came in with, not feeling any sense of validation and more importantly not feeling any sense of being cared about by the guy, then it seems to me it is not a good match and finding someone else would be a good idea. Based on what you have been describing in your posts i think i would be looking for someone new as quickly as i was able, does not look like a good match to me at all.

I hope things are getting a little lighter for you.

John

I am delighted you are getting so much support from this room. that must make you feel good and less alone. we have all suffered because of abuse and recover from it in small steps. you are taking some of those steps by sharing in this room good for you!!! I hope you are able to find something positive each day in your life to focus on. I'd suggest you keep making attempts at therapy until you find someone you can relate to. not all therapists are alike. best, pondboy (chuck)