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#70942 - 06/08/01 03:08 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
How To Make Straights Happy Homosexuals
http://slate.msn.com/HeyWait/01-05-30/HeyWait.asp

:rolleyes:

chuckle

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#70943 - 06/08/01 05:33 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I do not think it is clear he is gay, I had the same problems, I still confused. While stubbling over labels the problem is what does this man want.

A Marriage w/ mag. and playing w himself,

A Marriage w/ male encounters,

or a marriage w/ neither.

I gave up mag. and male encounters.

That was my choice. I still struggle from time to time, but this is my choice.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#70944 - 06/08/01 06:46 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
pondboy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/03/01
Posts: 59
Loc: benicia, california, usa
dear blaidd, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply. I really appreciate the clarity of your insights, the fullness of your acceptance of yourself and others, and the good advice you provide. thanks. chuck.


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#70945 - 06/08/01 07:49 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
bosishere,

Just letting you know I've sent an email to you if you want to reply.

regards

blaidd

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#70946 - 06/08/01 08:04 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
Michael,

I understand and appreciate what you are saying, my last relationship was with a man who was married and was just coming out. I understand the difficulties involved, but I don't claim to be an expert.

I was prompted to make my post as a result of having read the entire discussion, and having seen references to reparative therapy. I felt the urge to write as I feel it is unhelpful and inappropriate to have references made to Exodus in a folder that is for gay survivors. It is counterproductive and homophobic, and has no place here.

I wanted to express my feelings and thoughts about being gay and a survivor, in an attempt to point out that being gay means more than just sex. That loving another man, despite our abusive histories can be rewarding and a positive experience. And to try and debunk the notion that as a gay man I therefore need to feel ashamed simply because I find myself loving men.

The link I added in the second post is a satirical look at reparative therapy. It says a lot to me and that's why I wanted to share it, as it also gave me a laugh, with a serious bent to it. It turns reparative therapy on it's head to make an important point about acceptance and tolerance.

regards

blaidd

[ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: blaidd ]

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#70947 - 06/08/01 08:07 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
blaidd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/00
Posts: 240
Loc: Australia
pondboy,

Thanks for the feedback.

(((( safe hugs ))))

regards

blaidd

_________________________
Blaidd (pronounced as blaith/blithe) is a welsh word meaning wolf.

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#70948 - 06/09/01 01:31 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
farscape513 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 13
Loc: Tampabay
blaidd, you have expressed it in the clearest and most straightforward manner that I have heard to date. Thank you.


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#70949 - 06/10/01 11:14 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
Anonymous
Unregistered


George,

I just wanted to say that I appreciate your intent. I agree that sexuality is a highly complex issue. I just know that I have serious sexual identidy/role confusion because of my abuse, and that is perhaps different than sexual orrientation (which is what I think you were trying to say). I too am just trying to figure out what all of that means. So thank you for what you were trying to say.

Meanwhile, I wish there were some magical formula that I could plug my experience and feelings into and out would come the answers to all my sexual questions. But I haven't found one yet.

If anyone has some practical advise for navigating these waters of uncertainty, then I would most appreciate your input.

Thanks,

Rob


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#70950 - 06/11/01 09:20 AM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
ithomas Offline
Member

Registered: 04/06/01
Posts: 9
Loc: Orem, Utah, USA
Rob W.

Thanks for your post. These issues are real and very confounding. E-mail me if you want to talk. ithomas323@aol.com

_________________________
ithomas

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#70951 - 06/17/01 04:11 PM Re: how do i know if i'm gay?
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi all. I'm new here and just wanted to add my two cents. As unpopular as this may be, I tend to agree with George. I have always been uncomfortable about the hypocrisy of the gay community that accepts the late in life homosexual coming out of someone yet refuses to acknowledge that the same thing can happen in the opposite manner, meaning coming out straight later in life. The answer that I've always gotten is that it is much easier to be straight. Now on the surface, that is definitely true. But add sexual abuse to the picture and all of the self-identity issues it presents, well sexuality either way is not that easy. To the original post, I say wait, take your time, don't label yourself too quick. As long as you are not hurting anyone, and I assuming by your post that you don't feel that you are, be patient and don't feel that you ever have to label yourself in any fashion. I think extremists in either camp, straight and gay, refuse to allow anyone to be anything other than what they want because it scares them to death. Don't let their fear stop your openness and search for answers. I feel as though I owe any readers the information that I don't know where I stand as far as gay or straight or bi is concerned but I think it is sufficient to say I have thoughts and feelings on both sides and I am trying to figure which are healthy and which are not.

Even though this posting is a somewhat controversial issue, I do want to state that I'm sorry any of us are even dealing with this due to our abuse. It is easy to get caught up in this, for me, and lose sight of why this debate must occur, both internally and externally. I don't know about everyone else, but I'm assuming a lot of energy has been expanded in answering these questions and that it is truly unfair that someone came in and placed this doubt in mind. I hope all of us can find more peace of mind as we go on.

Ed


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