I know it's my residual wounds,
and here if, I'm not learning by " OSMOSIS "
if, I haven't learned the cues,
then its necessary to discuss exactly: what, how, and when.
Affection = touching
touching = love
love = sex
touching and tenderness
are or are not always
prelude to intercourse
or the law, will
de-sexualiztion of affections
Addication or compulsive habit
a constant, often unconscious inclination to perform some act, acquired through its frequent repetition.
preoccupation with a fix idea or unwanted feeling or emotion.
Being irrational when the emotions is in control over my intellect.
Denial- fact or fantasy, alibis, excuse and reasons. "it is not so"
illusion: An erroneous perception of reality, erroneous concept or belief, loosely, a delusion: state or condition of being deceived by such perceptions or beliefs.
"My Dad will protect me". is an illusion
at the same time, being in denial of the fact, "My Dad will not protect me".
When I was figering out "why I was mostly mad at my Dad" for some reason and I didn't know what it was about, my feelings of hurt were coming back but the understanding wasn't cought up with the feelings. Little by little my memories of Him, just watching.
Why wasn't I as mad at Claus whom had violiently sodomized me in the first place.
When a child's trust is betrayed, I felt severly depressed and very angrly and insecure.
Well I should reflect later
fmighell Anc Ak