Yogie, thank you for replying to my posting. When I first read your posting I could almost see myself writing it. When you mentioned being in the Navy and being raped in Vietnam I felt so sad for you because I have been there. I was stationed with the Seabees and spent two tours in Vietnam, first in DaNang and then Quang Tri.
During my tour in Quang Tri two marines savagely beat me, gang raped me and left me for dead in an abandoned bunker. My life changed after that forever.
When I got back from Vietnam my enlistment was up so I got out. I went crazy trying to adjust to normal life. I ran away from my family and lived on the street. I didn't trust anybody or anything. I never lived the gay lifestyle because I don't know if I am gay or what. I became a sex addict. I know now that I did that because I was trying to find something to make me feel real and alive. The only time I felt that was during sex. I always had it with strangers, men and women, but never found what I was looking for. After that I became a recluse. I refused to go to the VA because I had learned to hate everything about the military and trust none of them.
People who have never had something like this happen can not understand how one act can change your life and ruin it. So, I never talked abut it.
It was only after years of destructive behavior did I finally look for help. I went to the VA and that was a disaster for a long time. They kept putting me in PTSD groups and the guys in these groups were the very people who I saw as my real enemy, since it was two Marines who raped me. It just wasn't working and I flipped out again and got back into the old, bad habits.
Finally, some counselor was smart enough to ask me the right questions and learn what was really going on and he refered me to a program that is specifically for veterans who were abused, raped or otherwise victimized while on active duty.
I have a long way to go, but in the eight or nine months I have been in the program I have gotten a little better. Like you, I don't have sex with anybody any more. I am probably considered gay because I have had sex with men, but I don't think of myself and gay or straight. Just out there somewhere alone.
I have learned that most rapist who rape other men are not homosexual. The act of rape is an act of violence and power, not sex.
I hope you will be OK Yogie. I saw so many friends die in Vietnam and afterwards because of all they had been through in Vietnam. Thank you so much for answering my post. I hate what happened to you but feel a brotherhood because we have walked in each other's shoes for a littlewhile.
Originally posted by Yogie:
I show your post, I was on this site about 4 months ago and I remove myself from this site.but I am back again.If you have read my last post you will fine that it happen to me in nam on ship in my last 4th tour of nam.I was also gang rape by two petty officers. and it went on for 6 months and every 3rd day..I`am very fuck up for 30 year and more I can not get arrousal or have sex.I have never or ever had sex with a men or women after that. I was rape by this guys that have had wifes and straght, and now I guess I`am gay,because I have live with a gay men for 20 years now. thouw I cant have sex and have no interst in it.ray understand what I`am going through and have been suppertive and help me to cope with my problems and he have never made a past on me. he have his life upstarts and I have my life down stars in our house.I dont go out and I `am a recluse .allmost every day I self mutilate my self in that area.I know I`am mess up and it did not help that the V.A. was trying to talk me and get me to have a sex in my life.I feel weird and shame.at the v.a. Urology have giving me pills that dont work and had tryed the injectios of Alprostadil which does not work .I have now turn it down. I cant live with this stress and I almost committe suicied last month.I`am 55 years old and my life is shatted and I dont trust anyone one. everyone out there is always wanting something from you or trying to skrew you or trying to sell there idea. there no room for peace and quit.
I just want to sex that sex is over reated and it not wroth it.Sex is a myth.Sex only makes people crarzy and make them do things that hurt other people, look what they did to me and the beaten,s that went with it.why would someone want to experience this.Sex is a voilent ack and I dont see where love come in. I dont get.so I say, dont think about those thing and give it up.hang in there. and take care