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#70813 - 12/18/00 05:07 PM Sigh
Little Raven Offline
Member

Registered: 12/18/00
Posts: 2
There is no place for me to talk about this stuff mean I am 13 and well either have to be 18 or a girl and it really makes me mad. Oh there are places for kids like me to chat but the people their egnore me cuz they have to chat with the girls first they get more upset so they tell me. How do they know how I feel they aren't me. Oh and being gay they said it's cuz I was raped or I got raped because I was gay grrrrrrrr stupid people why doesn't anyone understand me


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#70814 - 12/19/00 11:03 AM Re: Sigh
Little Raven Offline
Member

Registered: 12/18/00
Posts: 2
me sigh see no one


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#70815 - 01/03/01 01:52 PM Re: Sigh
Gadzook Offline
Member

Registered: 12/10/00
Posts: 72
Loc: Papillion, NEBRASKA (USA)
No matter what some people may think or how some people believe it is okay to be gay. Being gay is not who you are but a part of what you are. You don't have to be raped or abused in anyway to be gay. In fact a true homosexual is born that way. It's okay to be you. We live in a society that still has trouble excepting peoples differences. You must strive to be yourself no matter what anyone says or does to you. Being raped or abused does mix a person up mentally but in the long run we are what we are. You can choose to live your life as a proud gay person who is confident of who you are and where you are going. Or you can let others choose your lifestyle and your thoughts for you. Be proud you were born that way. Life would be very boring if we all were the same and acted the same and looked the same. It's okay to be you. - hek We all need someone to talk to and to listen to us and try to understand where we are coming from. Hang in there. Be who "you" are.
Believe me - I understand. Seek help if you need it. Life can be very ugly but it can also be very beautiful. Look for what you think is beautiful in this life and don't let anyone dictate to you what is beautiful.
-dave

[This message has been edited by Gadzook (edited 01-03-2001).]

_________________________
~Gadzook

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#70816 - 01/05/01 02:34 PM Re: Sigh
Tris Offline
Member

Registered: 01/04/01
Posts: 2
Loc: Indiana
From the sounds of it, who couldn't feel for you and what you're going through and have gone through?! Yes, you neeed someone who can really listen and hear and be there for you -- a therapist, a friend, a mentor... So, you have not gotten the response you deserve, and that only compounds things, I know. I'm new to this board, but it seems here you can at least know that people understand and care about what you're going through, though I know cyberspace has definite limitations. I don't know what to say that might be of any help, but even though I'm a lot older (35) I know and remember only too well about being young and gay, and hurting and feeling like there's no place to turn. Hang in there and keep trying to find someone you can trust. The strength you build in the process can be used to help others in the future.


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#70817 - 01/25/01 08:23 PM Re: Sigh
abcd Offline
Member

Registered: 10/20/00
Posts: 189
Loc: GA
Hey!

I read your post...I just wanted to say we're all with you (even if not all of us respond). I'm not that much older than you, and I'm new at this too. All I can say is to hang in there. It'll get better. I really mean that. I can't remember your exact post offhand, but I think you said you're 13? If you are, then what I can say is that you should remember never to give up. That's one thing that really helped me throughout junior high and high school (and actually now and throughout life, I'm sure). Also, whatever it is you decide for your life, make sure you treasure your sexuality--that is, preserve it until you are ready. As someone who has been abused, I know how easy it is to fall into sexual addictions that you will later regret. Look into yourself and see who it is that you think you are--not just in terms of your sexuality, but who you want to be say 20, 30, 40 years from now. If you keep focused, you'll be alright )

Later.


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#70818 - 01/30/01 07:28 PM Re: Sigh
Bull Offline
Member

Registered: 01/30/01
Posts: 4
Loc: San Francisco, CA
Dude your post reminded me of just how s***** being 13 was and growing up in Orange County, CA for a million reasons. I spent time in the school psychologists office in between being expelled, at every school I ever attended. Telling any of them about my abuse was a profoundly dissapointing experience because 1)they are not equipped to deal with sexually abused boys 2)culturally/unconsciously they find the topic undigestable 3)there really aren't wasn't anywhere to refer me. So I dealt with it on my own in my own way. I'm in a much better place today but even still at age 29 I was thrilled beyond belief to find this site. Just being able to share with others of similar experience is beyond comprehension.

ps I checked out your site, you sound cool! I love that you love animals too.

looking forward to helping one another as well as others on the site.


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#70819 - 01/30/01 10:31 PM Re: Sigh
csgomora Offline
Member

Registered: 01/28/01
Posts: 3
Loc: san francisco, ca, usa
i know of the pain you speak of, my friend. i was also attracked / raped at a young age so i know what you feel; for being in my shoes, if you should ever need to chat, im listed. You have been placed on a rough road, and with being two spirited(Native American For being drawn to the same sexual assignment)you will be swimming in a culture that will often eroticise your experience, or make it a fantacy. Sorry if i seem down trodden but i have gotten no to little support from the "gay" community.
and as far as receiving services i have been continually directed to women's services, that are so caught up in there "feminist" values that they forget that they also propagate a lie.
i am a man not a woman and in the age that i grew up in men/male's have lesser value that women do. At least according to law that is.
Sorry,
Walk in Beauty


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#70820 - 01/30/01 10:36 PM Re: Sigh
csgomora Offline
Member

Registered: 01/28/01
Posts: 3
Loc: san francisco, ca, usa
Quote:
Originally posted by csgomora:
i know of the pain you speak of, my friend. i was also attracked / raped at a young age so i know what you feel; for being in my shoes, if you should ever need to chat, im listed. You have been placed on a rough road, and with being two spirited(Native American For being drawn to the same sexual assignment)you will be swimming in a culture that will often eroticise your experience, or make it a fantacy. Sorry if i seem down trodden but i have gotten no to little support from the "gay" community.
and as far as receiving services i have been continually directed to women's services, that are so caught up in there "feminist" values that they forget that they also propagate a lie.
i am a man, not a woman and in the age that i grew up in, men/male's have lesser value than women do. At least according to law that is.
Sorry,
Walk in Beauty



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#70821 - 01/31/01 08:20 AM Re: Sigh
Carl123 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/11/00
Posts: 25
Loc: PA, USA
Dude I feel for you! And, I'm scared for you.

I feel for yopu because I too remember what it was like to be 13 and a survivor of rape. It's hell! But I also know that the only path to salvation is opening your heart to love. And by love I don't mean only sexual love. I mean the love you feel for all other people and the love they feel for you. Because you've been abused and because you feel that you are gay, you have two strikes against you. The easy path is to shut down, to feel too vulknerable to open up and trust people, to hide inside yourself. But that's the wrong path tot take. As hard as it may sound, you should try to focus each day on realizing that you deserve to love and be loved. BECAUSE YOU DO DESERVE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED! There is no shame at all in being who you are, in feeling what you feel, in thinking what you think. You are a wonderful and beuatiful person created in God's image and for all these reasons and more are created in love and deserving of love.

So, you'll need to be strong dude, and keep this truth in your heart and never let anyone convince you of anything different.

The reason I am scared for you is because i know how easy it could be for you to take the other path; the path of closing down, shutting people off, retreating into your pain. Dude, I've been down that road and it's not a pleasant one. I spent a lot of years on drugs and alcohol trying desperartely to hide from myself, but it never worked. Only acceptance of who I am helped. And opening myself up to being vulnerable again; to love and being loved.

I wish you the best and would be happy to dialog with you if you if you need help.


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#70823 - 02/26/01 01:13 AM Re: Sigh
Seraphim Offline
Member

Registered: 02/25/01
Posts: 1
Loc: Saipan, CNMI,
Dear Little Raven,

I looked at your site,...very cool, you've got a good eye and a good sense of design. But that is not why I'm posting. Its about what is on your site, your poems, your story. I thought I had an emotionally rough childhood, but it was a cakewalk compared to yours. I was especially moved by what happened to you at the hands of your foster father. It was chilling...even moreso for me because I am in the process of certifying as a foster father and from what I am told the majority of the kids who come into the system
here come from being sexually or physically abused. Kids who have suffered in some degree a lot like you.

Perhaps it is too traumatic for you to post or write about, but if you could, if you are still following posts at this site then clue me in on what kids like you need from a foster father. If as you say you don't trust adults anymore...not that I blame you, can you tell me what you wanted, what you needed before trusting was taken from you?

I want to be a good foster father and I don't any boy who comes to me to ever have suffer as you have suffered. And those who have already suffered I want to provide a safe home where they grow up and heal knowing they really loved and cared for. Any insights you would be willing to share... I'm listening.

thanks
seraphim


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