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#7060 - 05/08/04 12:02 AM Re: Lost years
TeeJayUU Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/04
Posts: 262
Loc: MidWest
Marc,

I am so sorry for the pain, I undersatnd! As for forgetting, I am not able to do that. I can "picture" so many different, specific painful events, and I HATE them with a passion!

I do have a family and pictures, but my abuser is mixed in with those "good times" and family memories.

So my memories are all a wild mix. I wish I could help you find the past that you are looking for! Wouldn't it be great if we could reprogram our pasts, hit rewind or replay!

Peace be with you my friend!

TeeJay

_________________________
"There is a plan for me, God has a Purpose, I know there is a reason that I'm ALIVE!" Cherish Grace
PEACE HOPE LOVE

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#7061 - 05/08/04 12:48 AM Re: Lost years
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
Marc,

Maybe it is that you are in so much pain right now, it is not as objective? It is all dark and pain, and it cloud up other thoughts? Maybe after you have worked with this some more, other things will be more apparant to you.

I am not sure if it is you I tell this to before, but I think it is like we are beautiful painting that someone has spilled something on. The painting, it is still beautiful, but there is darkkness on it. That is like us, when we have been abused. It is not that we are not there, or not still beautiful and pure and innocent even. There is just stain on us. It can be cleaned. And when we do the therapy, that is cleaning, that is removing the stain, and making the painting available to the world again, so people can see how beautiful it is. That is you, you are stained, but not past repair. And maybe your past is also. Maybe the stain is what is in your mind right now, but later, with more therapy, more thinking, you will see some light there.

I know what I want to say, but not how to say it, so I better stop. I hope you feel better soon.

Andrei


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#7062 - 05/08/04 11:50 AM Re: Lost years
crisispoint Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 2154
Loc: Massachusetts
Marc,

Sometimes, I think, the pain blocks out good memories. And there are memories to be found that are good as well as bad.

Take my relationship with my father for example. There are so many memories of him being emotionally abusive that I can't stand him. There were years when I hated him. But, now that I've chosen to forgive him (a step I recommend ONLY WHEN YOU'RE READY, for anyone else reading), I see that there wasn't all bad stuff. There was good stuff with him. There's the occasional good stuff with him now.
TRIGGER ALERT!TRIGGERALERT!TRIGGERALERT!


Part of my issues with my abuse is that there was some truly good emotional moments with my abuser. I feel guilty for having them, because he USED them to get what he wanted, but there WERE some good, close, intimate moments with him that I enjoyed (sick, really, when you think about it).
ENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGER


My advice is to just let it flow. The memories will come. Just be prepared for what they are, good and bad. It will come, in time.

You're making so much progress now. Be sure to stop and smell the daisy's along the way, too.

Peace and love,

Scot \:D

_________________________
There are reasons I'm taking medication. They're called "other people." - Me, displaying my anti-social tendancies

fromacuriousmind.blogspot.com
malehurtandsurvive.blogspot.com

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#7063 - 05/08/04 12:27 PM Re: Lost years
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Marc,

It is so easy to look back and see only the pain and fear. These are such strong emotions that stand out from the others.

It was more recently that I was able to look back over past and see some wonderful moments that I had overlooked before and while I was living them. They were hidden by the pain and fear and now that fear and pain has recided, the good memories are visible. I have been lucky in that I have been able to reconnect with some of these good times and have the chance to incorporate them into my present.

It's much nicer having the good times brought up and reinserted into your life than the pain and fear which had been.

As you get through your issues, clean off the painting as Andrei said, the good and beauty will shine through. You and the world will see it.

Take care,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#7064 - 05/09/04 12:54 PM Re: Lost years
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
When you are young, you have a hard time seeing things in terms of gray - everything is black and white. Mommy is either all good or all bad. To a young child, they cannot comprehend that a person can have different moods and some good traits and some bad traits. I think adolescence is similar as well.

So it is not surprising that many of us tend to see our childhood as all bad due to the abuse. Or, as Bill said, the bad times - filled with fear and pain - stand out above the good.

It's sort of like when someone critiques you in a job review or competition or something. Do we see all of the good comments? No, we just focus on the one or two bad comments as though the compliments didn't even exist.

It's a strange way that the human brain works - but I can understand how frustrating memory issues can be. Issues with my own memory have been the bain of my entire recovery. I don't know if this post has helped any - just trying to give my 2 cents.

-Sean

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I donít want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#7065 - 05/09/04 01:09 PM Re: Lost years
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
I had to tell you that a lot of my child hood is blank. I am now remembering some things here and there but they are sporadic. I don't have pictures either as they are at my parents house and well to my dad, I'm not a part of the family anyway. It is tough for me to deal with at times because I don't feel like I have a past to go back and connect to. I actually starting tracing my family history just so I could have something to know where I came from.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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