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#70503 - 09/21/06 04:26 PM Re: The Gym Showers
ShyBear Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 149
Loc: The American South
This isn't about gay or straight, it's about inappropriate behavior and violating boundaries. Most guys who are built like you say you are enjoy a little bit of admiration, but what the other guy is doing crosses many lines.

Tell him you don't like it and want it stopped.


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#70504 - 10/01/06 10:49 PM Re: The Gym Showers
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Jake - I too agree with ShyBear that lines were crossed. "Look but don't touch" has been my traditional standard policy. If someone I really didn't know touched my body, I might just respond loudly and verbally! But if I were naked with him in the shower, he might get a physical reaction (POW!!!) before I knew what I was doing. Being a CSA victim from 5 through 13+ years, nobody ever gets that close to the line unless invited. If you cross the line univited - consequences!!


Howard

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If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
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#70505 - 10/28/06 04:02 AM Re: The Gym Showers
mikeNMaryland Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/30/05
Posts: 3
Loc: Washington, DC
I worked out for 30 years. I am 47 now. I had to stop due to back problems.

Let me tell you, in all those years I NEVER looked at guys sexually in the gym, showers, etc. I go to the gym for the purpose of MY WORKOUT no one elses!

If a guy or a lady makes a move on me while I'm working out, it fell on death ears because I never paid attention.

If I looked at someone it was to see how s/he was lifting and doing a particular workout so I may adopt it for myself.

I had people asking me about my chest and my ass. Some who would take their fist and hit my pecs and I guess my look drove them away. I've been told I have a mean look. (though I'm a teddy bear really)

Someone cupping my ass cheeks with or without clothes isn't exactly a nice thing to do. Not that I would coldcock the person, but I'm sure when I would turn around quickly and ask 'what the hell are you doing?' would get the point across.

I'm GAY too! But no, don't touch me unless we are in bed together and then you can cup my azz as much as you want, but NO, not at the gym, not in public, etc. Don't grab my crotch, don't don't my pecs, don't touch my hair.

Yeah .. I was abused too, from four til sixteen. Which is a driving force of why I built up.

So man ... if he is asking you about your jockstrap, your pecs, etc ...

tell him your wife (or your mother LOL) buys your jock straps, your clothes and your wife/gf is the only one who touches your cheeks no matter where they are.

Though you could buy one of those shirts that say 'dicks are for chicks' .. that might get the message across ... I find the shirt funny

Shalom

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#70506 - 11/09/06 03:11 AM Re: The Gym Showers
hopela71 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/08/06
Posts: 2
Loc: usa
That would make me feel very uncomfortable if someone did that to me. I recently joined this group and to tell you the truth if someone did that to me I would freak. On the other hand I have created such a guard that I don't think that anyone would do that. I am gay( I think) I have been molested by both men and woman so I don't really know what I am anymore. Seems like everyone was touching me when I was small. Gay men now terrify me and when they look at me I turn my head. I would like to run and hide from everyone. I think what he did was wrong.


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#70507 - 11/09/06 07:44 PM Re: The Gym Showers
Jarrad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
I'm gay. I would never smack someone's ass in any public setting. It's not a gay thing. It's a person thing. the guy is just weird regardless if he is straight or gay. I would avoid him. he is obviously making you uncomfortable enough to post about it so just avoid him. it is possible however that he picked up mixed signals from you thinking you are gay and invited the flirting. thats fairly common in a mixed gym (gay and straight gym.) but you know where your boundries are. and do we know for sure he is even gay? he smacks your ass.. yeah.. i get that but like you said, sports guys always do that.


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#70508 - 11/09/06 07:53 PM Re: The Gym Showers
Koveri Offline
Member

Registered: 11/07/06
Posts: 80
Loc: Dallas, TX
Jake,

You deserve respect from everyone, gay and str8. However, be careful about not sending the wrong signals. As a single gay man (like a single str8 man) I am looking for companionship and if the signals are given, then they are naturally acted up on. Please DON'T flirt with a gay man if you are not interested. It is really not fair. It is easy to make your preferences known. But I know for some str8 guys it is a 'game' to tease gay men. That is a kind of abuse in itself, so don't be a perp yourself!

Koveri


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#70509 - 11/28/06 11:22 PM Re: The Gym Showers
Steven Heath Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 81
Loc: New York City
Koveri,
I don't think Jake expressed that he was "flirting" with the person who grabbed his ass. I think he was talking about, and in an innocent way, that someone made him feel very uncomfortable by their actions. I am gay and I think someone did do something inappropriate which bothered him enough to express it here and ask some questions for response. You seem to have reacted quite emotionally to Jake's posting, and I hope what he said did not offend you. I just think Jake was asking questions. That's all.
Steve


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#70510 - 11/29/06 02:36 AM Re: The Gym Showers
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
i dont know any straight guys that like to tease gay men if taking a shower makes you a perp then we all must be. sometimes i feel like being straight is seen as something bad.its weird . adam

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#424749 - 02/08/13 11:02 PM Re: The Gym Showers [Re: DodgeChallenger]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 735
Loc: Southeast USA
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#424851 - 02/10/13 02:23 PM Re: The Gym Showers [Re: DodgeChallenger]
Lancer Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/13/12
Posts: 901
Loc: Florida
Not at all offended DC and I fully support your feelings on this, especially the intimidation you felt because he was bigger than you. Yeah, that would definitely be a trigger. fwiw, it was exactly the same as CSA, it was about power over you.

Difference is, today you're an adult and can handle it adult-to-adult. Today, you have your own power you didn't have as a kid.

I don't know if this would be an option (or even if the guy would "get it"). Aside from reiterating the "no", would it even be conceivable to share with him that you were triggered? And I'm not speaking from the "I'm a victim" standpoint. I'm speaking from a position of strength. You can be the adult in the conversation, brains over brawn (keep the points short):


About the showers. Don't you ever do that again. Don't you ever touch me again. I'm not gay.

I'm also a survivor of sexual abuse. What you did in the showers was triggering in the worst possible way.

(If you believe it's appropriate): I can and will go to gym management about it if it happens again.



Caveat, it's only a suggestion. I don't know you or the jackass involved or his likely reaction. Your post bothered me. And I really hope your getting all the support you need to deal with it. It was bloody damn insensitive, inexcuseable and waaaaaay beyond what you or any guy should have to deal with in that situation.

Ironically, I had a bullying situation with a redneck neighbor years ago, who was MUCH bigger than me. He'd drive by muttering, "Faggot". I got fed up one day, so damn mad I went and pounded on his front door - he'd have been in his rights to beat the crap outta me for trespassing - and I told him, "Alright. Knock it off." I don't think he saw it coming. And the harassment stopped.

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