Im not sure if this is offensive to any gay man here. If it is I apologise. I am a bit concerned lately at my gym. I was a wrestler all my life hs and college so I know my way around the gym and the locker rooms.
I shower after my workouts and I stretch and twist in the showers. It is one big room no stalls. Im not a modest person with my body by any means. I get questions from men from how did you get your chest so big, to what diet do you use. I don;t mind flirting from men while I am straight. I take it as a compliment and today I cannot tell if a man is gay or straight until he says so.
There is a bodybuilder at my gym who seems to be everywhere I am. Yesterday, he asked me in the showers "How did you sculp that ass man? It is perfect?" He cupped and smacked my ass firmly. I am usually the bigger guy but this guy has some muscle and height on me. We were alone and for the first time I felt a bit vulnerable naked with this naked guy. It was late (closing) and I just didn't think he was a nice guy. I spotted him a few times and he is strong. He is built well and I think a bit older than me.
Is this a common scenerio in gay attacks? Am I being over sensitive? Am I being homophobic? Men smack asses in sports and among friends all the time. This just gave me a weird feeling.
I'll take feedback. I was "molested" at age 15 by a drunk woman and I don't need any more baggage.
Jake

Hi Dodge, trust your feelings! When you said "He cupped and smacked my ass firmly.", I am sure alarm bells went off. He probably held on much to long for it to fit into normal locker room behavior, also you and this man have not known each other long enough to become friends so this does not fit into the normal grab-assing that goes on between friends. I would call this a very aggressive advance, he probably did it to cut to the chase. He was watching how you reacted to it to determine if you were gay or straight. I don't think he wants a long term relationship. If he did he would take longer to get to know you.

Take care,
Clifford

One of the worst things I hate about gay life is the bullshit they do like what you described. For some twisted reason gays think it's ok to walk up to another gay, stranger or not, and start grabbing nipples, asses, etc. I detest it and have made scenes to show that I do. One drunken idiot kept doing it to me at a bar and I asked him to stop it. One night when I walked in he was about to do it and I grabbed the shit out of his skin and I twisted it for all it was worth and he complained that it hurt. He never did it again. I am bi, and in the straight world it is not acceptable to walk up to a woman and grab her tits or her ass, so why should it be any different with gays? There are many things in the gay world that are just flat out repulsive.

Im not gay and I don't think it is normal gay behavior. I saw him again at the gym and he seemed to be trying to impress me with his weight lifting and posing in the showers.
Yesterday he asked me what brand of jock strap I was wearing. I told him and he asked what size I was wearing. This was in front of other guys and no one seemed to look at me like it was odd. Maybe he is comparing himself to me (like a contest in his mind).
Jake

Jake,
I don't think I would entertain any more of his questions. They are inappropiate regardless if you are gay or straight. Who knows what his motives are but I would use caution. Your radar is up for a reason and if I was in the same position, my radar would be up to. Trust your instincts.

Don

Jake,

I support your radar on this one. I worked years ago at the airport, and this other guy in the shop thought it was ok or funny to touch other guys' back sides. He did that to me and all it did was trigger me terrible. I ripped into him after he did it. Some time later he must have felt all comfortable with his behavior and did it to me again, so I ripped into him again. We never spoke again after that, and that was fine with me. I just didn't need that. Something tells me you don't need that either.

Jake,

So far as I can see, the jock-strap questions are a come-on and he's hitting on you. And the whole thing seems so narcissistic and shallow; he's not interested in you as a person at all, all he sees is an athletic body. He sounds like bad news and I would stay well away from him.

Much love,
Larry

I am gay, and a jock. I also wrestled in HS and am very comfortable in locker rooms and being naked. I have to concur with what has been said here; trust your gut only you know what is appropriate or not for you. A compliment is never meant to make the recipient uncomfortable, that is harassment. Good luck.

I can't be sure if he was out to attack you, perhaps it ws just really forward flirting. Regardless, putting his hands on you was crossing the line. Think of it this way: would you ever smack the bottom of a woman you only have a casual relationship with? The same scenario should apply here. This man's fliting has made you uncomfortable so the best thing to do is firmly establish your boundaries. You dont sound like a wimp, so you shouldn't have a problem being convincing when you assert yourself. A simple "Sorry I'm not gay." or "Don't put your hands on me" should be all that you need to make him back off. If he doesn't, don't hesitate to notify the authorities or the management of the gym.

Ok, another to add that I am gay as well...and I think he is "coming on" to you very strongly and I will say inappropriatly. If you are not comfortable with the situation he is placing you in by all means let him know he is making you uncomfortable.

Take care.