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#70347 - 06/23/06 03:11 PM is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
I do not know if this is really a problem or

me awakening

or still getting ok - with not putting stop gaps

on my desires or interests -

when I was three years old -

one of the obliterating moments

and then also i was told - I was VERY selfish -

and so -

i always was told it was bad -

now i know that was all bunk - and just weird

but

my hunger is huge -

i love GOOD food -

bad - food - I want to throw across the room !

\:\)

but oh good meals - yum!

-

and other stuff -

i love to work -

sometimes

and buy!

and travel!

and workout -

and play

etc...

but sometimes - i wonder if I am

it's as if it could ever be - finished

or is it the distinction between emotions

fulfilling that -

and or a fixation
?

i mean - I don't know -

i hope I will make enough to afford -

my appetites

i don;t like the idea -

now that i am in touch with it -

of dampening -

my spirit - to

live in a debt free state

but rather - would hope

to charge forward in some kind of means

to get the cash to fill my pie hole \:\)

lol

i have no idea -
what's is this about?

i am feeling guilty for wanting

spoiled? or irresponsible

but i don't think this is the time to be in denial

but rather hope -

i feel others are managing this better


m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#70348 - 06/23/06 03:14 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i had saved a lot of money as a kid

250 dollars by age 8 in 1976 -

and they told me i was SO CHEAP

and made me feel bad -

so i stopped and just focused on art-

now it's like -

i can't take pleasure in saving - as much

now -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#70349 - 06/23/06 03:53 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
mgb,
Your de>
_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#70350 - 06/23/06 04:03 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
hehe

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70351 - 06/23/06 04:19 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i guess the things is guys - is that i have this inner fear that becuase i am mixed up inside - and say not as i should have been -
now


i have this lingering insecurity that i am not normal -

somehow there is something wrong

but i gather too -

this being bullshit

and I am 'NORMAL'

for

ME

just AS no one is better qualified

to BE ME

than Me!

\:\)

Mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70352 - 06/23/06 04:22 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
it's funny too -


this morning i was exhausted because even though still early - i had been working

VERY HARD - to do errands - and houseclean and workout -

but i felt worthless if I wasn't active -

so I realized i was thinking -

now I find I do like the activity -

as it gives calm for that insecure feeling

that i am not achieving - or gaining -

or contributing to things - my future -

and keeping on top of stuff

a nervous squirrel minding my acorns

m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70353 - 06/23/06 04:23 PM Re: is this ok? please thoughts
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i don't enjoy worrying but i guess that's what i do

worry -

work -

get exhausted -

ok - who wants a boyfriend like me \:\(

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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