i think after walking around this morning -

looking for a place for coffee - i found it was too early for the coffee shops to be open

despite the lightness outside due to the summertime cycles -

i walked more and frustrated as if knocking on a
door that is never answered - i realized i had to find occupation for the moment until hour came -

i walked - and

it still was boring - but it was painful -
but why was i still walking - ?

- found some comfort soon - and then made it back to the cafe - over this time which was about an hour -

and sat i find in knowing now i can want - and wanting is directing my life -

i also know now - during those moments of not getting what i want - there is "opporunity" to plan for how it will be when my time is come!
(and partly too - the vague plans - curiousness of it all too - how i seem to want things that so connect - in so many ways.)

it is basic - but it is fundamental - and good -

i waited a few more minutes - and got my stuff -

i came home again - then

and thought how this wanting things as we would have them - and yet - that not always being possibble - and yet still wanting satisfaction -
it's true -

Mark,

Maybe it would help you to think of variations of that question. What do I need, as opposed to what do I want? Why? Are there immediate little things I can do to make my life happier and more fulfilling?

That said, I think a reflective man will always be wondering about the kinds of questions you have in mind. That means you are living a real life, with all the ups and downs, and not just going through the motions.

Much love,
Larry