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#70132 - 04/21/06 12:00 AM high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i often avoided contact with men - even
friendly relations growing up

i felt so easily to fall in love -

maybe too - i feared if i felt i opened up

to friendship - not kept at arms length -

the sexy feelings - the heart break -

was too much to deal with -

at being snubbed by a man - who was not gay

or by a man who was - who knew just to break my heart -
\:\(

i think i know now - that we all have to deal with sexual tension -

is this true? - please i need a confirm!

as i get close to some men on this sight -

honestly it scares - as i feel those sexy feelings are mixed -

and a real bond ? is what i hope -
it's hard to say -

it's all a mix - i want a lover -

and yet - friends too of course -

it seems like when i talk at times -

i feel uh oh - i can't get too close -

... avoidant...
oh
for a simple thing

m

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#70133 - 04/21/06 12:01 AM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i am though - very devoted to the one who says yes -

perhaps in the past too much so -

i just wanted to be something good -

a true one -
but the cost \:\(

the time is right for all of us

when it is.

mgb

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



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#70134 - 04/21/06 11:48 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

It sounds to me like you don't trust your boundaries. It's a brave thing to talk about that, but clearly you are ready to work on the issue seriously (otherwise you would not have recognized it and posted about it here).

Distrust of ourselves is a common problem for survivors I think. But perhaps we can look at ourselves seriously and ask ourselves this question: Is my problem really weak boundaries, or do I just lack the self-confidence that comes with experience?

But you know what bro? I think you are doing great. A year ago there is no way you would have raised such a question here.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#70135 - 04/22/06 04:12 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
Dear mgb,
Larry "took the words right out of my mouth." Your post waved lots of red flags, reminding me of my own major "boundary issues."
I guess there is such a thing as "love at first sight," but in my experience it was usually "lust at first sight." I was so eager to get laid that I fell "in love" just about every week.
Time, patience, and experience will teach us the difference between a lover, a friend, and a casual sex buddy -- and there is a very real difference between them. But I think you knew that ...
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#70136 - 04/22/06 08:52 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
you guys - thank you so so much.

this is very reassuring - and importantly powerful.

thanks

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70137 - 04/22/06 08:54 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
i think i should say importantly teaching and

encouraging.

thanks.

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70138 - 04/22/06 09:06 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark,

Coming back to this, should you perhaps trust "Mark" just a little bit more? Just meet people and see how it goes. Be yourself. Don't plan or maneuver. Just relate. Trust your ability to detect a friend from a one-night stand from a potential relationship. See how it goes and listen to the warning signs you get from within yourself.

Listen bro, if I were in Toronto I wouldn't hesitate for one second to tell you I'm coming and can we get together for a drink or dinner or check out a gallery or whatever. I would not expect any boundaries problem at all between us.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#70139 - 04/22/06 11:02 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Larry - thanks - I can't let go yet.

mark

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70140 - 04/22/06 11:03 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
it's hard and scary and it hurts

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
#70141 - 04/22/06 11:04 PM Re: high sex drive and avoidant
markgreyblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
but wait - it wouldn't hurt with you because i know you - i just don't have work yet -

and oh whatever gay church street is gawd awful -

_________________________
"...do not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous



Top
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