i was starting to write a poem in my head

how i cling -

to let go daily

and then - the clinging shifted to memories

the images of those abusers
come to mind

i switch

i don't cling to those -

i cling to beauty -

around me and seem to see things

form

pattern and nature

animals

that others don't

i had a hard time dealing with

the idea of people -

friends even - as there seem to be

a conflict -
within

non self understanding - why these

relations - scared me and yet -

i needed them -

safety - love and recogniton -

yet - fear of it all -

i think in knowing now -

we are serving each other - friends -

we give to each other -

but the relationships are dynamic

we all have the here and now to deal with

in our lives and yet also there is

ocassional pop in - need to see you - just talk

it's ok -

it's ok - because now i know - i am asking to for people to be something for me -

as they are asking me too -

it's odd because - i saw only my servitude -

from past -

and yet - it is team work -
and also
safety

and caring -

m

how i cling -

to let go daily

the second line should be explained -

how i cling - to get through the day -

and yet feeling constrained by it -

i try to let go daily - and then feel the fear come on - the fear is brought by the images - expressed -