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#69997 - 03/16/06 06:39 AM Can't Blend In
pbfurm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 25
Loc: Los Angeles
I've pretty much obeyed my own set of innate rules about life, but negative thoughts about existing in a straight world always pop up to annoy me. Does anyone share any similar angst about straight society?


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#69998 - 03/16/06 10:09 AM Re: Can't Blend In
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
pbfurm,

I'm not gay, but I still get jerked out of shape by the attitude of so much of "straight society" towards gays and lesbians. The problem is that I don't have a lot of patience with ignorance, prejudice and bigotry. For me it really is that simple.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#69999 - 03/16/06 05:45 PM Re: Can't Blend In
Steven Heath Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 81
Loc: New York City
pbfurm,
i am gay......and have had many problems through my life with my homosexuality because my abuser.....my uncle....also mentally abused me and told me that everyone would hate me because i was gay.....it took many years of therapy and maturing to understand that it does not really matter someone elses opinion as long as your lifestyle is harming no one else......today i pretty much am quite well adjusted with my lifestyle....what i really resent, though, is that america really has not accepted me for who i am......even though i am a productive, responsible, taxpaying american....i cannot marry my partner...that really bothers me more and more.....and of course those in power are making it even harder than ever....and a dream which may never come true....steve


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#70000 - 03/16/06 06:20 PM Re: Can't Blend In
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i am bi. i guess that gives me a little break that someone that is gay doesnt get. i can fit into the straight world, and no one is the wiser. i do still find it hard to reconcile it all though. i really understand and feel for everyone fighting through this. i guess my greatest wish is that you find happiness and fulfillment in the end.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#70001 - 03/16/06 11:54 PM Re: Can't Blend In
johnsurvived Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/20/05
Posts: 332
Loc: Arlington, Virginia
Hey,

What a great thread. Hell yes, I and every GLBT person has to somehow deal with being orientation-minority in an orientation-majority world and whatever culture they live in. I've found my experiences in therapy, group, and here have gone a long way toward helping me to actually know that "they" don't all hate us, that there are, in fact, decent, humane and affirming straight men and women in this world (THIS INCLUDES YOU, LARRY!!!!) I'm struck by so many of the things people have said above, but this from phoster really stood out:
Quote:
i am bi. i guess that gives me a little break that someone that is gay doesnt get. i can fit into the straight world, and no one is the wiser.
Wow. Yeah. I try to "pass," too, just as a way of deflecting what I expect, and often quite rationally, will be reactions from straight folk that range anywhere from mild discomfort to extreme violence. Does anyone else find that they try to "pass" as straight, or at least "rein in" their obvious manifestations of their orientation at times? This is really interesting....

John

_________________________
Take for us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards; for our vines have tender grapes. Song of Solomon 2:15

But let justice roll down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream. Amos 5:24

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#70002 - 03/17/06 06:19 AM Re: Can't Blend In
pbfurm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 25
Loc: Los Angeles
Thanks to all for responding.
Since I can't blend in, I hope that my lifeforce shines brightly enough to gain respect from all the breeders I encounter daily at work; after 25 years as an allied health professional, I know my worth.


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#70003 - 03/21/06 12:27 AM Re: Can't Blend In
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
pbfurm,

I, and most of the gay people I know share this sense of disenfranchisement as well. Considering that all of the messages that we have received from the culture through educational and religious systems and media, enforce hetero primacy, such as patriarchy has and still does for many women, It's no wonder that you have this sense of 'otherness' about you.

My truth is, I can only be a doormat if I continue to laydown. If I show up authentically as I am without apology, then the world will begin to know that rainbow spirited souls do matter, that we are beautiful and necessary; that our opinions do count, becuase we say they do. If we say they do, then the message goes forth loud and clear that we are not going to be allowing this culture to continue to define us according to their not so secret wish that we would just shrivel up and die, or slink off into some medicated existence that keeps us out of sight, and out of mind. Keeps us in our bars, or in our living rooms tethered to our snak foods and TV's and computers. That keeps us from our birthright as participants in the dance of humanity and huwomanity hahaha. I guess the dance of personhood would do as well.

It's kinda scary, true, but we can't slink back from this crucifixion that we are called to in this day and age.

OK, I admit, I am an ENTJ so if I come across as pontificating, well the pendulum has swung in the other direction for me at this point in my life, and I am allowing it for a while. Sorry if I offend anyone with my pluckiness (except maybe those who would be better people having been exposed to a little healthy self-righteous offending). Speaking my truth is just another way for me to be a victim no longer, but rather a survivor in this particular epoch of 'the best and worst of times'.

with love,

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#70004 - 03/21/06 05:24 AM Re: Can't Blend In
pbfurm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 25
Loc: Los Angeles
Hi Ron,
What is ENTJ? Anyway, I'm just trying to survive in a world that is too scary to be believed. I don't know what the pace is like in MN, but where I live people are mean-spirited, needy poop heads, who would just as soon run you down with their car if they could get away with it.
I admit I'm a meek person trying to come to terms, as a survivor, with my young life as an abused and battered child. Dealing with breeders just makes it all the harder.


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#70005 - 03/21/06 06:34 PM Re: Can't Blend In
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Hey pb!

Life is scary! You're in LA? Now stop counting all the cars that are trying to run you down, and start counting all the one that DIDN'T. LOL

Yeah, even in Minnesota, the land of the white-assed breeder, there are mean-spirited needy poopheads, but there is also a strong support network watching the backs of the beautiful rainbow spirited creatures, too. Isn't it great to know that you are not alone in your struggles?

Finding MS has gotten me out of the cycle of victimhood and into a new trajectory where I have been able to make peace with the past, and move forward into a chapter of life untethered by those chains that would not let me leave for decades. For that I am grateful....and I just want to underscore that it IS happening for you and all the men here, right now!

(begin diatribe) It is my opinion for today that once balance of power between gender orientations is realized in our culture, then predatory behaviors such as the ones we have experienced will lessen. In my recovery process the biggest stumbling block for me had been coming to terms with the affirmation of the goodness of my own sexual powers, while immersed in an ocean of guilt and shame because of the attitude toward sex that was thrust upon me in the covert acts of my premature sexual initiation. Today I have reconciled the cultural myths surrounding the morality of sexual expression as being binary (man & woman), with acceptance of my own particular orientation and sexual needs/desires. Sex is just one component of my make-up as a human being, NOT the all consuming-issue of my entire being! (diatribe concluded)

Anyway regarding the ENTJ personality type: This is the result of the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator test. It states that I am an extroverted-intuitive-thinking-judging type, which is neither 'good' nor 'bad'. Someone has characterized my particular type to be interpreted as: ENTJ: "Tyrant" Knows better than everyone how things should be done and works tirelessly to obtain the power to make it happen that way. The prayer of an ENTJ is said to be "Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwatIdo."

LOL

Peace

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#70006 - 03/22/06 04:19 AM Re: Can't Blend In
pbfurm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 25
Loc: Los Angeles
Ron,
It's nice to see someone laughing out loud. Can't remember the last time that happened.

I like the idea of a new trajectory; haven't figured out where I would like to go.

Diatribe was interesting; been celibate for 25 years.

Shalom


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#70007 - 03/25/06 06:43 PM Re: Can't Blend In
Galapogos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 110
Loc: usa
Hi,
I'm gay, or at least 99% gay, but I pass for straight in everyday life without trying too hard. Most of the time I'm not too depressed about being gay, tho' I've got a long way to go on self-acceptance before I'm ready to not care if others accept me or not.

I'm not out, so sometimes co-workers or acquaintences, or casual friends will vent their homophobic fears, and I think, "if you only knew" . I go day to day not thinking too much about straight society, but then I'll be reminded what a small minority we are, how many people are oblivious to gay people around them.
When I was about 15 some freinds were hanging out at my hosue watching MTV. The video for some ZZ Top song came on, scantily clad women, etc. I was tired of the song, changed channels, "Dude! put it back, those chicks are hot!" At that point I realized, or noticed, how much sex was used in videos, commecials, etc. I'd been oblivious because it didn't have any effect. The rest of the week eveytime I saw a "hot chick" in an ad, on tv, whereever, I'd try to imagine how it'd look with a hot guy. Straight society has their "straightness' reaffirmed all the time, everywhere. It gets tiring sometimes.

Another time I was listening to song on the radio (Cherry Bomb- John Mellancamp) where the singer reminiscing about being young and in love, etc. I was sort of getting caught up on the song, then it occured to me that had "nothing to do with my life" and I didn't want to listen to it anymore.
As usual I'm rambling....let's see. Yeah, I think for straight people everything around them affirms their feelings, it's like fish in a fishtank, they can't see the water. When you realize you're gay all of those affirmations can be ovherwhelming. And sometimes someone who you thought was nice will make some homophobic comment, and I wish I had more courage to call them on it, instead I say nothing and a little chunk of my self-esteem gets chipped away.

_________________________
Digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt
--Peter Gabriel

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#70008 - 03/25/06 06:46 PM Re: Can't Blend In
Galapogos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/15/05
Posts: 110
Loc: usa
oh, btw, i'm an INFP on the meyers-briggs scale. I forget my numbers, but I'm way out on the end of the scale for "Introverted"

_________________________
Digging in the dirt
Stay with me I need support
I'm digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt
--Peter Gabriel

Top
#70009 - 03/25/06 11:39 PM Re: Can't Blend In
pbfurm Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 25
Loc: Los Angeles
Dear Galapogos,
Yes, I so agree with your remarks. It shocks me sometimes when someone will ask if I have children, although I don't think I "pass", in general. Thanks.


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#70010 - 03/28/06 05:07 AM Re: Can't Blend In
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
If I had to classify myself, I have to say that Iím a bi-sexual male, living a straight life mostly out of fear of losing what I LOVE most in my life, my daughters.

I truly have a HUGE problem that we live in a world where a person has to be classified by there sexual orientation or their skin color.

_________________________
All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#70011 - 03/28/06 08:01 AM Re: Can't Blend In
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Galapogos,

I was struck by this comment of yours:

Quote:
At that point I realized, or noticed, how much sex was used in videos, commecials, etc. I'd been oblivious because it didn't have any effect. The rest of the week everytime I saw a "hot chick" in an ad, on tv, whereever, I'd try to imagine how it'd look with a hot guy. Straight society has their "straightness' reaffirmed all the time, everywhere. It gets tiring sometimes.
I should just say that in Germany and the Netherlands the situation is somewhat better. In Hamburg, for example, a big gas company ran an ad showing two guys cuddled together in a hot bubbly bath with the caption: "Sometimes the only thing nicer than a hot bath is someone to share it with." As soon as I saw it I thought this isn't just an ad for the gas company, it's empowering for gays.

But the other side of the coin is still there. This ad still stands out for the infrequency with which one sees this sort of thing.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
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