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#6988 - 06/21/05 08:23 AM .
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

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#6989 - 06/22/05 07:30 PM Re: .
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
SoccerKid:

I appreciate the fact that you were courageous enough to write an apology and I, as well, would like to offer an "olive branch" in return.

I write this publicly because I believe that part of the group dynamic process is for others to see that differences can be worked out and we can each find it in ourselves to forgive.

I know that trust in others takes time and is something that must be proven through actions. You've said that you have had betrayal in the past and that is something that we all have to learn to live with. And, it happens to us each in varying degrees.

But conversely, learning to trust also needs to be taken in "baby steps". This forum is by no means perfect, but we can be certainly assured of a much more trusting environment here than if we were to, say, divulge our deepest fears and traumas in another venue.

This forum can also become a highly charged environment because we have a group of people who have been betrayed, cast away, disbelieved and abused. Because of this, it is easy to hit raw nerves and we tend to go into our "fight or flight" mode which is what we used to survive as children. In the process, unfortunately, we may have some casualties along the way.

I would also like to propose a challenge for you: as busy as you are in your life as a student (I remember those semesters of 23 credit-hours), it is equally important for you to structure some time for your own health and recovery. You mentioned that you haven't been very often to your support group where you live. I think that most here would agree that this is absolutely critical for your recovery.

It's easy to distract ourselves with the emotion of anger, and it's even easier to focus on issues that involve other people. But at the end of the day, the question that each of us needs to ask ourselves is: What have I done to better myself today as a human being? This doesn't mean that we ignore the needs of others - we actually help ourselves by lending a helping hand to someone else.

It's when we live in fear, mistrust and scrutinizing others that we really take away from ourselves and the things that we need to work on. When we have someone else to constantly "worry about", then we don't have to focus on ourselves.

So, you've taken the first step to healing - you have started to open yourself up to others in your life. Allow others to forgive, now. Try to trust in the goodness of other people. Don't try to judge people now by your experiences as a child. You may be pleasantly surprised.

I recently had a book fair at school to raise money for the library. Many of the students where I teach don't have a lot of money. There were several dozen instances where a child came in to buy a book and was 20 or 25 cents short. I told each one... don't worry. When you have the extra money, bring it to me later this week. Guess what? EVERY one of those children brought in the money that they owed. I trusted them.. had I not, I would have had to send them away disappointed that they weren't able to buy a book. But since I gave that little bit of trust, they came through and gained pride in themselves for being honest (which I made a big deal out of).

So we have had some differences in the past and I'm going to "wipe the slate clean" on my part. YOu have already made the first move in your apology. Now we can hopefully go on from here and make a productive and healing experience.

And again, I hope you understand that I posted this in the public forum- not to embarrass, but rather, to have other people hopefully learn from our actions about forgiveness and healing. That's part of the beauty of a group - and that's what healthy families are like.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#6990 - 06/23/05 02:24 AM Re: .
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

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#6991 - 06/23/05 07:57 AM Re: .
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
I think that the more times you open yourself up to other people, especially when you are with a group of people who have been through a lot, more and more people will accept you.

It's when we don't show our vulnerable sides that people tend to "depersonalize" us- we don't appear "human" to others - by that I mean human with faults, insecurities, fears, etc. That's what I was talking about back when I was so upset with you - I need to see someone who is "real" - someone who stands in front of me and lets me see that he is just as frail as I am - just as prone to making mistakes - just as willing to allow someone else to help. And, when someone like that makes a mistake, I'm willing to forgive because I know that he's just as human as I am.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#6992 - 06/23/05 08:03 AM Re: .
Soccer Kid Offline
Member

Registered: 10/22/04
Posts: 273
Loc: Missouri


_________________________
~Zach~
Deviant of Many Talents

"Reality is just an illusion."

Top
#6993 - 06/23/05 02:27 PM Re: .
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
I sent you a PM regarding this.

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#6994 - 06/23/05 04:23 PM Re: .
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Quote:
Thank you for accepting my appology. Although I think you are the only one who has been receptive to it.
I appreciated very much your post. I just didn't want to say anything, because like any good dissociative SA victim, I wanted it all to go away. But please know that I did read your post, and I felt good about it. I just didn't want to pop it back up to the top of the list, because I felt like you'd been through enough.

Take care, SK. We're beginning to see what a good man you really are.

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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