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#69901 - 02/19/06 03:20 PM Re: Not Sure Where to Go From Here
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
Bob,
If you feel "inordinate" passions are controlled by your CSA at age 9, then you should talk it out (here on line AND in a therapy or counseling situation). There's nothing pathetic or needy about asking for help; real men do it all the time. Since you are one who helps others, I think you probably know this better than most. But, what are "inordinate" passions??
There should be LOTS of resources in your area that don't indulge in "bible-babble".
Hang out with us here for a while and you'll eventually discover what, if anything, there is to recover from in your personal situation.
Love, etc.

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#69902 - 02/19/06 06:05 PM Re: Not Sure Where to Go From Here
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Bob,

There is nothing wrong with needing help. We all need it from time to time, and for a million different things. Sxual abuse is one that we can't recover from on our own, though. It is just too complicated and hits us in so many unexpected ways.

Many guys find religious perspectives useful, but if you are not one of them, then just avoid that approach. You won't have that pushed at you here, for example, though many guys (including me) consider themselves to be religious and spiritual people. Everyone is respected here and everyone gets support. You will find it safe to talk here about your issues.

The same is true of therapists. There are many approaches to therapy and if you find that your T's approach is not helping you, you have the right to say so, raise your doubts, and if necessary seek an alternative. I would, however, urge you not to give up on therapy.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#69903 - 02/20/06 04:42 PM Re: Not Sure Where to Go From Here
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
Bob:

I know that, for myself, I could only depend on me (as a child) for any decisions and important aspects of my life. That, unfortunately, has carried over into my adult life. I find it very hard to ask for help, but have found that it is absolutely necessary for this process to go on.

A true lesson for me was after back operation #3 and I was confined to the bed for several weeks. My neighbor, without being asked, came over one afternoon and started mowing my lawn. I remember being very uncomfortable because I'm so used to doing things for myself. My wife looked at me and said, "You need to graciously accept the help and know that people care for you and WANT to do these things." I'll never forget that incident.

What Larry said is so true that we cannot help ourselves alone with these issues.... this is one of those things in life that takes working with others. It is a very powerful thing to be able to finally get the courage to disclose very private parts of yourself and your past with others, and to do it in a space that you know is safe AND with the knowledge that most of the others present have felt the same way, had similar experiences, or share just as much fear. It can be very liberating.

Please continue to write and/or read the posts here. I don't think that you'll hear anyone giving trivial advice or "canned" answers. Those are mostly reserved for people who don't understand what we're about. The folks here are genuine and accepting of each other.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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