Mark, it seems you took things to a dark side when in fact, I think Dewey is looking for something to love about his gayness beyond the sexuality part of it.
I think I am in a similar place. I don't hate myself nor do I want to but I too am looking for meaning about being gay beyond sex.
Since I work in the cultural/historical arena (museums) I have been adamant about providing more opportunities provide gay audiences - both in and out of the closet - more positive messages about what gay life can be.
I am working toward (I think, though I don't know this for sure yet) helping to establish a more significant presence for GLBT history and culture than the SF library section. I envision a place that addresses how societies around the world and historically have dealt with queer communities ("queer" by the way, is not meant to be negative - it's an acceptable term in academia).
Anyway, seems to me the list that MGB started is a key to finding a way to embrace our community of gay men historically and that is helpful.
We need more positive places to reflect on what "gay" means, exactly. Not negatively, but what purpose can we serve in a balanced and just world. I think the story of Silo and Roy (the gay penguins) moves us in that direction.
walker, there is no path, you make a path as you go...
(caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar...)