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#69775 - 10/31/06 02:39 AM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
From my love poem

"it took a long long time
to understand what love was

so many said they loved me
only a few meant it"

I did not ask for abuse
I did want to be loved
I still miss my dad after all these years
I do not miss the man that hurt me or my cousins that hurt me too.
I never liked being around my grandfather, I never asked him to abuse me over and over again.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69776 - 10/31/06 04:18 AM Re: choices
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Michael,

All you wanted was what every boy wants - and needs. You put the complicated issue of the loss of your Dad so well. I know no one can put that right, but still, I am so sorry.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#69777 - 11/02/06 04:49 AM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thanks Larry

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69778 - 11/02/06 04:54 AM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I thought I would hurt Marie if we got too close, so I figured I could not get close to a woman. So I figured I was gay, and with all the confusion over being abused I just didn't understand why I kept getting hurt.

I also have to remember not every woman will interact with me like my ex wife. There were many factors that led up to my marriage ending.

Men do get hurt as adults, I guess my ex doesnt believe it. I felt I was treated mean the last few months, and she can feel anyway she wants. But she cannot know what I feel inside. When you really love someone you are there for them all the time, not just when it is convenent. If she really cared enough I would have told her about Peter.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69779 - 11/25/06 05:09 PM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
thanks larry I will read my poem on love.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69780 - 11/26/06 07:27 PM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
read poem and it was good,,,,,,,,,,,,

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69781 - 12/12/06 12:03 AM Re: choices
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I will love all people, but i will only be intamate with a women that I am married to.

end of story

so glad my wife shoved me out the door so I can now be happy.

So now I am dating womem. I feel really good and it is my choice.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69782 - 12/12/06 02:05 PM Re: choices
froggy12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Don't forget that spiders spin threads that make very strong webs.

This site certainly is a lifesaver. I can throw things out and am surprised by the responses. I have a hard time dealing with praise of any kind. When I read the terror still in our hearts and minds I want to cry. Then when I read the responses I give a sigh of thanks for all you caring friends.

No one understands our feelings, the emptyness. Sort of like Wyeth's "Christina's World" - there we are on the ground, looking at the farm house on the brow of a hill inching our way slowly to get there. If you go on line and enter "Christina's World (Andrew Wyeth) you will see what I mean.

froggy12

_________________________
??

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#346232 - 11/25/10 10:25 AM Re: choices [Re: johnsurvived]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
once again I was lead to believe everything was great and wonderful but with A price --- Freedom ---

and friends and lovers do not lock you up

ever

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#346248 - 11/25/10 02:01 PM Re: choices [Re: michael Joseph]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2430
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my brother MJ.

The only place where i have you locked up in is in my heart & soul.
Like i tell my WoR brothers at the end is, "I leave here with a piece of your heart and soul." As i offer you a piece of mine.

You are remembered in my daily meditations.

Heal well, my brother, michaelJoseph, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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