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#69545 - 12/26/05 01:05 PM My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
I hope this is the right forum or setting to tell my story. I was raped 3yrs ago and have been trying to find a support forum like this and I hope I am allowed to tell my story. I am a gay survivor and need to talk to others and make friends. I am lonely and could use new friends and advice. So here is my story.

About 3 years ago, I was
at a bar (HAVE SINCE QUIT DRINKING) and one of my friends set me up with this guy, he was sweet
but I was only interested in a friendship, he was interested in
getting down my pants. After we had agreed that was not how the
evening was going to end and I thought he knew that we were not going
to sleep together, he offered to by me drinks, what the heck right?
Free drinks!!! LOL!!

I digress. I got up to go to the bathroom and came back and started
drinking, The next thing I remember is waking up in his bed, and had
this really bad pain in my lower back to buttocks area. I asked him
what I was doing there and he said, "ya had too much to drink and
passed out and no one would take you home so I did, cuz I didn't know
where you lived." "I said, oh ok" So I got up to go to the bathroom
again and to get dressed, when I went to remove my to pee, I noticed
blood running down my leg. I immediate knew what was wrong. I got
dressed and left. went home to take a shower and noticed the blood
would not stop. Long story short, I had to have 8-12 stitches, he had
ripped me up pretty bad.

Thanks for allowing me to be a member of this community, I am sorry if this is the wrong forum or setting for my story, if it is, please just disregard it all together.


I am a Rape Survivor!!!

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

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#69546 - 12/26/05 08:18 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Kev,

It's OK friend, If for some reason the mods feel it needs to be moved to another spot they'll do that, and it's OK. They'll put it in what ever they feel to be the appropriate place and everyone will be able to read and respond from there. You need to be able to tell your story, get it out there and talk about it in a safe environment. I hope that this can be that place for you. And no one will disregard your pain.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. We do not share the same pain, but in a way all of us do here in that we were sexually violated in some way, many of us while we were yet children.

Feel free to come here and post and talk about the things you need to. There are others here who have experienced trauma similar to yours.

Lots of love,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#69547 - 12/26/05 08:20 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Nivekld,

I'm glad you found us. And I believe you! I am not a gay survivor but I will post here until some of the gay guys here get back to you.

It's terrible what happened to you and I am glad the guy who did this is now in prison.

I hope you will read around the site and get used to how things work here. You will be respected and supported here, and I hope MS can help you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#69548 - 12/27/05 08:50 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I really appreciate it.

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

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#69549 - 12/29/05 03:39 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
george of kent Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/05
Posts: 305
Loc: delaware
WOW! What a terrible story; what a righteous ending! (With the bastard in jail, I mean -- that must have taken a lot of courage on your part).
As one gay survivor to another, welcome here to the best resource I know of for healing and growth for men like us (and we are legion).
Be of good cheer. 2006 should be better for us all.
Love, etc.,

_________________________
"We are only two and yet our howling can encircle the world's end.
Frightened, you are my only friend.
And frightened we are, every one.
Someone must take a stand -- Coward, take my coward's hand"
Arthur Laurents

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#69550 - 01/19/06 10:13 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
Steven Heath Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 81
Loc: New York City
nivekld75,
what happened to you was horrible. unfortuately i know the story all too well. when i moved to ny and got a job, a coworker in a much higher position, asked me to spend the day at the beach with him....long story short we ended back at his place for drinks....the next thing i knew i was waking up the next morning in his bed as he was in the shower. i was too scared and naive to do anything.....you on the other hand were brave and took power back and did something about it...i'm proud of and really happy for you that you did that.....it doesn't rtake anything away of the anguish you are feeling....i hope you can move on and try to put it in perspective within your life.....which i bet is more fulfilling every day tha passes.
S H


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#69551 - 01/22/06 07:58 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
Dominic Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 43
Loc: Dallas
Nivekld75,

I too am a gay survivor. Our stories are different but the act of sexual violation was the same. As is I am sure the way we feel afterwards. It is unfortunate what has happened to you and I am so sorry. I am glad you found the board. The guys here are great, very welcoming and loving.

I am proud of you that you had the courage to move forward with prosecution. That is the right move!

The process of healing has not been easy for me but has been a great, rewarding journey from which I have learned a tremendous amount about myself, who I want to be, who I am and etc. I am glad that I started the recovery process and glad that I found this board. Welcome brother( or should I say sister). \:\)

Take care man.

Dominic

_________________________
Dominic

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#69552 - 01/22/06 08:06 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
Sister????????????????????

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69553 - 01/22/06 09:10 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
Dominic Offline
Member

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 43
Loc: Dallas
It was only a joke, i guess a bad one. Sorry.

_________________________
Dominic

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#69554 - 01/22/06 09:47 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
k

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69555 - 01/22/06 09:53 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
Can someone tell me how to unsubscribe from this board and all correspondence affiliated with it?

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69556 - 01/23/06 05:15 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
nivekld,

I'm not sure what happened there in this thread but it appears something bothered you a great deal. If you want to report a post simply click the little whistle icon below the post you want to report and state your case in the resulting form that appears. The mods will be able to handle your request and take any action necessary.

I'm not a mod, so cannot do anything other than offer advise on how you can get your request fulfilled.

Again, I'm sorry for anything that happened you feel is inappropriate.

Keep safe,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

Top
#69557 - 01/24/06 07:13 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
Hey, Kev
I read your story and I am so sorry for what happened - I also wanted to let you know that I was concerned with your being upset with the use of the term "sister" - I think it was used as a slang term that I have often heard among Gay survivors - and I feel sure Dominic meant no harm by it - it sounded like it triggered something for you that you found upsetting.

I wanted to say that you made a big step coming here to talk about what happened to you. It is a very big step in the road to healing the trauma you have endured - these guys can give you some support that you will probably not find many other places - I hope you can take time to look at what was upsetting to you and perhaps even talk or post about it -

If want to talk some more with me, feel free to Personal message me. I hope you will stay, though since we clearly need your voice here and I believe you will learn much from us.

Thad
MS site administrator

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#69558 - 01/24/06 08:01 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
-

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69559 - 01/24/06 09:23 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kev,

I too hope you will stick around and see what the site has to offer. There really isn't anything else like it.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#69560 - 01/26/06 06:21 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hi Nivekid75, hope you decide to stay. But about removing yourself from the board. In the my profile link, you can go into preference, and Block PM's, if that is what is bothering you, you can also fix it so you don't get a email sent to you when someone replies to your message. If you would still like to look at the board, but don't want anyone to know that you are on the board, just logout of the board. You can still read, but people will not know that you are on the board. You have to be logged in to post though. If you really want to be removed from the board, just send the webmaster a email, I am sure he will remove you.

However, it would be a shame for you to leave, so soon after getting here.

About being triggered, I have been triggered three times since being here. In all three cases it was me triggering myself, after calming down and rereading what had been said. I tend to be a bit paranoid and homophobic. You may be wondering why I am reading the gay section, it helps me to see gay people, as people. I was raped at 11 and never told anyone about it for a long time, never even read any books on rape. Every raped person has these thoughts go through their head. Why me, what did I do to cause this to happen to me! You blame yourself, instead of him. In my case, I thought for a while that I must of did something to make him think that I was a girl, (only girls are raped, my rape happened in 1968), a few years later I first heard of homosexuals, (oh, that's why it happened, he wanted me, but did not care about my feelings or wants), that theory lasted for a long time. In 1992, I was basically kicked out of the navy, for telling them about the rape, I got a honorable discharge and money, but I was basically kicked out. Only then did I read a book on rape, and find out that, at the time the book came out that 80% of the men caught for raping men were straight men. In Nov 2004, when I found this site, I also found this web page. http://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/education_articles_007.htm Which says the percent is 98%. So intelligently I know that it was very likely a straight guy who raped me, and it was not about sex. But way down deep in my gut I have a hard time understanding that. Oh here is the rape book that I read. Recovery by Helen Benedict

Take care,
Lostcowboy

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#69561 - 01/26/06 07:38 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
Quote:
Originally posted by Thad:
Hey, Kev
I read your story and I am so sorry for what happened - I also wanted to let you know that I was concerned with your being upset with the use of the term "sister" - I think it was used as a slang term that I have often heard among Gay survivors - and I feel sure Dominic meant no harm by it - it sounded like it triggered something for you that you found upsetting.

I wanted to say that you made a big step coming here to talk about what happened to you. It is a very big step in the road to healing the trauma you have endured - these guys can give you some support that you will probably not find many other places - I hope you can take time to look at what was upsetting to you and perhaps even talk or post about it -

If want to talk some more with me, feel free to Personal message me. I hope you will stay, though since we clearly need your voice here and I believe you will learn much from us.

Thad
MS site administrator
Please remove me from the board. Lostcowboy said all I need to do is to notify you. So here is my notification. Yes I was offened and that is my problem, that and I am trying to run my own discussion board not related to this, it is just a run of the mill discussion board and I have too much to do there as I am trying to recruit for my board and get it perfected. But the MAIN reason is, I am just out of place here, and was offended, and this is my way of dealing with it. Thanks.

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69562 - 01/26/06 02:29 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Kev,

All the best of luck with your discussion board, and if you should decide to return here sometime it would be great to see you again.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#69563 - 01/26/06 02:50 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
Thanks

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69564 - 01/26/06 10:08 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
Steven Heath Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/06
Posts: 81
Loc: New York City
nivekld,
i as a gay person am truly sorry that someone offended you with "gay slang". this place is supposed to be a safe and respectful forum for everyone to speak. that is all i wanted to say.
s h


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#69565 - 01/27/06 04:01 AM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
nivekld75 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 12/26/05
Posts: 10
Loc: Idaho
ok

_________________________
HE SAID IT, I BELIEVE IT, THAT SETTLES IT!!!
Kev
Rape Survivor

Top
#69566 - 01/28/06 11:50 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
I just hope you continue to feel better, take care Kev!!!!

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#69567 - 02/05/06 12:05 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
asdude1981 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 6
Loc: melbourne
Hi nivekid75.

I am sorry for what happened to you. I was raped 3 yrs ago by a 'friendly' guy too who turned out to be a serial rapist of young gay men. I was 20 I bled too, and was stabbed. I am very sad i did not go to the police straight away but I was confused and there was police involvement in it. I needed stitches but they did not give me them because no doctor wants to get involved, no-one and since i reported it late. The attack was sick. I felt it very hard to get on with life, I sometimes feel ok but then i get really down. It s like a dangerous roller coaster. Its very hard to find someone taht understands. I jut feel that once someones knows what happened to me they treat me differently straight away and run! Nivekid75 I just wanna say you are a special person and you deserve happiness and feel comfortable and I hope you find good understanding friends that should support you and hopefully that special someone that will help you on the road to recovery. I sometimes walk down the street and feel so out of place with the rest of society. I think they do not have to deal with this and they would be disgusted if they find out what happened to me. It can be very stressing, isolating and confusing. But I think there is a some guys that feel the same even though every experience is different in a way. I feel like it would be good to go to a group of male survivors and perhaps make friends there. I sometimes feel there would be someone that I would click with there and that can help each other go over this horrid ordeal. Its funny how even when years past i can still feel anger and pain. Its very hard to get into a realtionship even if I REALLY like a guy and just have to let it go, or even friendship for that matter.

But we are very special people, because we know how important life is and how cruel it was for them to have had violated us in a way. I hope that your attacker gets what he deserves and I hope you will find happiness. You are very brave and inspirational and you have shown people that we deserve respect, dignity and justice just like any one else.

_________________________
I will not give up - Andrew

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#69568 - 08/15/06 04:12 PM Re: My Rape Survivor Story
randy tafoya Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/03/06
Posts: 10
Loc: albuquerque nm
I HAVE BEEN COMING TO THIS SITE AND FEEL THAT THIS IS A HELP FUL P[LACE FOR SURVIVOR . I WAS PHYSICALLY MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY MY MOM GROWING UP. I WAITED FOR SO LONG THAT THE ABUSES HAS EATEN ME UP BUT NOW I AM BEGINNING MY ROAD TO RECOVERY. I WAS ABOUT MADE 5 TO 7 YRS OLD WHEN ITM START AND IT STOPPED FONALLY ABOUTY 134 OR 14 YRS OLD. MY MOM MADE ME TAKE SHOWER OUT SIDE IN THE BACK YARD THAT MADE ME FEEL SO DIRTY AND UN CONFORTABLE, SHE WOULD MAKE ME SLEEP IN WET SHE IF I WET THE BED. SHER WOULD PUT MY HAD IN THE FLAME OF THE STIOVER BURN WHEN SHE CAUGHT MY BROTHER PLAYING WITH MATCH. THEIR WERE TIMES THAT SHE KICK PUT ME DOWN AND SAID I WOULD NEVER AMOUT TO ANYTHING. THIER WERE TIMES AS A KID THAT I FELT THAT SOCIAL SERVICES WOULD OF THANK ME AWAY FROM HER BUT IT NEVER HAPPEN. I WAS RAPED IN JANUARY OF 2006. IT FINALLY TOOK MY L.IFE PARTNERTO HELP ME SEE THAT I NEED TO GET HELP TO DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES I HAVE NOW. I WOIRK AT A HOSPITAL IN THE SECURITY FEILD AND I WATCH PATIENTS THAT HAVE IT HARDERTHAN ME IT IS HARD SOMETIMESS BECAUSE I HAD MY OWN ISSUES TO WORK WITH, BUT I KNOW I AM ON THIS EARTH BECAUSE I KNOW I AM A PROTECTOR OF PEOPLE THAT NEED MY HELP IN MANY WAY. I AM STARTING TO SEE SOMEONE FOR HELP AND I GUESS THAT IS MY FIRST STEP WAS ASKING FOR HELP 2ND WAS THIS WEBSITES MY THIRD STEP TO RECOVERY IS THE PSYCH DOCOTOR SO I AM ON MY WAY EVEN THOUGHT I KNOW IT IS A UP HILL BATTLE

_________________________
casper

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