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#69286 - 10/09/05 08:47 PM gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Greetings, all. This is my first post on Male Survivor, and I am glad to have found the website. I hope I am following all the guidelines in my post. About 2.5 years ago, I was raped by the man I was seeing. Call it date rape or emotional rape or whatever, that kind of betrayal by a person I loved, and his prior & subsequent playing with my head, wounded me pretty deeply. It took me over a year to be willing to name it for what it was, and, thanks to the help of a competent professional, I have been able to move forward - although not without some significant scars.

I have found it helpful to talk with a couple of other men I know who were both raped. However, they are both straight, and their stories are not like mine. One was assaulted by a stranger, the other by a friend. Neither was in love with their attacker. So much of the recovery literature is geared toward women, and very little towards gay men. I am curious to know other men's stories who may have been in a situation like mine, and to know something of the resources that helped them recover.

Thanks!


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#69287 - 10/09/05 08:57 PM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
P.S.

I also forgot to include a question. Have others taken legal action against former boyfriends? What has that been like for them?

Thanks.


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#69288 - 10/11/05 12:04 AM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
RockyMtJoe Offline
Member

Registered: 08/11/04
Posts: 97
Loc: East of Pueblo, Colorado
Welcome Brother

Seems the "gay" area is slow.
That is another story.

As you can tell from my screen name I am a Colorado boy, well now a "mature" man.

Yes, I have insights, was in a near rape situation
and was able to get away but the trauma is still there. He was not my lover but a "friend".

Your perp was likely either a rapist at heart or a really sick man. Still it was rape.

Denver has some good resources but I have not heard of a group that is both gay and for men that were raped.

I can offer some words as to "options" but the best is you have posted.

As to the lack of gay posts? It will change,
I am sorry if the delay caused any stress.

Rocky Mountain Joe

PS

Whole lotta snow today!
Trust you are safe and warm?


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#69289 - 10/11/05 03:26 AM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
cat lover Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 89
Loc: Denver, Colorado
Thanks Rocky Mountain Joe. And everyone else too!

I have actually contacted the rape center in Denver two or three times, but I never seem to be able to find anyone who can tell me of rape support groups for men. So I have never been to one, but I would like to go. I know that, somewhere inside, I probably still have some healing to do, in spite of the work and reading I've already done with my therapist. I was brought to this awareness a month or so ago when sharing with someone for the first time the barest of details of what happened. With the words " Over two years ago, I was raped," I teared up and had to stop talking and couldn't really share anything more. I am glad you think posting here will help me.

I did read a couple of books that I found helpful. I am not sure if I am allowed to post specific titles here. "Male on Male Rape" was good, particularly the chapter on "False Intentions." I also got a lot out of "The Emotional Rape Syndrome" and "The Emotionally Abusive Relationship." I also recently read "Love Does No Harm," which is about sexual ethics. (I highly recommend that last one!)

It's hard for me to choose between the two de>

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#69290 - 10/16/05 01:16 PM Re: gay men & date / emotional rape
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
sorry you had that happen noone desearve to be hurt but we all know that here

hugs hope you are ok

trust is hard thing at times

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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