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#69277 - 09/29/05 06:24 PM denial served a purpose
beginning108 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 24
i was just walking around on break at work, and thought came into my head, that "denial served its purpose"... \:\( \:\) \:D :p


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#69278 - 09/29/05 09:43 PM Re: denial served a purpose
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
I thought that "beginning," was always, 101.

But then, I always was a smart ass.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#69279 - 09/29/05 10:02 PM Re: denial served a purpose
beginning108 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 24
well, perhaps that's where you need to start... \:\)


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#69280 - 09/30/05 04:35 PM Re: denial served a purpose
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Beginning,

I am too much of a newcomer to therapy to know for sure, but I was in such bad shape when I was 14 that I wonder if denial (if that is what I got into) actually saved my life. I was seriously contemplating suicide and thought there was a real possibility I had just gone completely insane.

That was a long time ago (1963), however, and a kid just cut loose from SA really was completely alone back then.

Take care,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#69281 - 09/30/05 11:02 PM Re: denial served a purpose
beginning108 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 24
yeah, and now we get to undo it...thrill...

but god is it worth it...

perhaps even that we know the dark side so well, our light side is just as extreme...perhaps this is just the beginning...or hopefully this will just be a memory, yikes!

i was really really interested in insanity (schizophrenia particularly) in my teens (not terribly long ago), because for me, that is what i could most easily relate to! but now it just feels old and heavy...just that dissociated from emotion and soooo abstract...perhaps this is just natural outgrowing of things...or maybe i'm just thinking too much, either way, glad to be know that, but from the feeling of things some time to go...right now i'm just having to trust and let go...


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#69282 - 09/30/05 11:51 PM Re: denial served a purpose
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Hi guys - Several people, mostly my counselor and therapist and a few books I've read, have all said that whatever we've done till now was the right thing to do because it helped us survive. For me that meant denial, cocaine addiction, alcohol addiction, amphetamines, acid every other day for a year (no, really!!), sexual acting out, pretty much anything and everything you can conjure up as long as I was only hurting myself. And every time someone tells me this, I scratch my head and think how could all those terrible, self-destructive things have been good?

Then cut to today. I'm sitting with my new therapist (I moved out of state recently and am transitioning from one to another, sadly). And I said something about taking the wrong path when, all of a sudden, it occurred to me that I had, quite obviously, taken the right path because it is the path that has gotten me to where I am now. And where I am now is better than anywhere I've ever been in my life...ever!! Seemed like it was appropriate to share in this thread. Peace - John


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#69283 - 09/30/05 11:51 PM Re: denial served a purpose
Sinking Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/26/03
Posts: 577
Loc: Took my ball and went home.
Hi guys - Several people, mostly my counselor and therapist and a few books I've read, have all said that whatever we've done till now was the right thing to do because it helped us survive. For me that meant denial, cocaine addiction, alcohol addiction, amphetamines, acid every other day for a year (no, really!!), sexual acting out, pretty much anything and everything you can conjure up as long as I was only hurting myself. And every time someone tells me this, I scratch my head and think how could all those terrible, self-destructive things have been good?

Then cut to today. I'm sitting with my new therapist (I moved out of state recently and am transitioning from one to another, sadly). And I said something about taking the wrong path when, all of a sudden, it occurred to me that I had, quite obviously, taken the right path because it is the path that has gotten me to where I am now. And where I am now is better than anywhere I've ever been in my life...ever!! Seemed like it was appropriate to share in this thread. Peace - John


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#69284 - 10/03/05 03:20 AM Re: denial served a purpose
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
I don't know that I agree with the idea that "whatever we've done till now was the right thing", but I have often thought that my 27 year long denial was probably a lifesaver for me.

I very easily could have made choices that would have brought about my ultimate destruction. Would they have been the "right" ones? I don't think so.

When bad things happen to children they are not equipped to deal with them so they make the best of it they can. The path I found myself on was that of anesthetizing the pain with forgetfulness.

Yes, it probably saved my life. I did not develop the skills necessary to deal with the pain till much later in life and now that I've begun to remember the past, I am somewhat equipped to place the proper perspective on the abuse. Or at least I have resources I can draw on that I did not have as a child.

The "forgetting" kept me safe from the potentially destructive choices I could have made, long enough to gain the ability to protect myself and watch out for myself at long last.

The greatest crime ever committed is that of the pain we as a species inflict upon our children. Some children manage to rise above it in spite of everything. For them I have great admiration. Others, no matter how hard they try, find themselves broken by it. These are the ones for whom I weep. May God have mercy upon us all.

Courage,

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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