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#69091 - 08/04/05 10:13 PM confused
beginning108 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/07/05
Posts: 24
I'm wondering if anyone knows what to do here, because I'm at a loss...I feel and remember having been abused by my father throughout my childhood, and am in treatment (using EMDR) which is supposed to help. My treatment is going badly as far as I can tell, because I can't let myself remember because i don't want to, something that is holding me back in this, and my therapist is saying (and I beelieve her) that I am in denial. I have since isolated myself ffrom my family and friends, since my family is not of any support (and even questions and disregards and get angryu at my "accusations") and friends I am so wary of trusting people that i have lost anyone who is of any real support. I was in a five year relationship with someone who i don't even know i loved, and basically feel like i'm the last one on earth although my work is showing something else. Whenever i read about abuse it triggers and i become depressed and suicidal, and find it so hard to open up to anyone for fear of being judged, manipulated, used, raped, and the like. I am hoping to get into a group, but have reservations. RIght now I'm "taking a break" but have so few interests anymore that it is anything but taking a break from the therapy and digging up abuse memories...does anyone know what i can do ? just keep on? trust people irregardless or what feeling i may have or thoughts? my life is going down and i don't know how to pull myself up because every door seems to be blocked by myself or someone else? thank you for any insight...


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#69092 - 08/05/05 01:11 AM Re: confused
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
Dear Beginning:

Maybe if you don't mind, PM me about what's happening in EMDR. I went through it back in 1993 and personally didn't see any way that I could have consciously blocked stuff from coming up.... it was just sort of uncontrolled and spontaneous. AND the doctor made sure that I didn't leave the office afterwards until he was sure that I was going to be OK. I'm no expert, but maybe if you tell me how it's being done and what the reactions are, I can give you some type of comparison or idea as to what's happening.

I think that pursuing a group in "real time" (as I call it - a face-to-face group) is a great idea. I attended one for a little over 2 years and then had to leave because of health problems. It's very scary to walk in a room with 6 or 7 other men wondering if you'll be judged, but you'll quickly find out that everyone there is having very similar problems to what you're experiencing. I was so relieved after my first session. It took a few sessions before I felt enough courage to share my feelings, thoughts, fears, and shame. But after I did it, I felt so liberated. I am also grateful because out of the group I developed a great friend. We meet on a regular basis and we both feel comfortable enough to share what's going on in our lives without being afraid.

I am concerned about two things that you mentioned - first, that you have isolated yourself from friends and family. I can understand the family part - I had to separate myself from my family because they were so toxic. However, it's important when you are feeling like this to have some type of safety-net of people around you who can simply be there to listen when you are in need. This doesn't mean that you have to pour your heart out to your friends, but it can be enough for them to know that something's bothering you and you just need to have someone around you for a while.

The other thing that I'm concerned about is that you said "and I become depressed and suicidal". If this is the case, I hope that you have enough strength to call a hotline or get your therapist on the phone. However, I'm assuming that you mean just thoughts and not an actual plan. In either case, you need to talk this out with someone.

Again, I'm no doctor or expert, but are you on an anti-depressant? If not, you may want to check with a psychiatrist or family doctor to see if you can be placed on one. They don't take the problems away, nor do they give you a "high" - they simply correct whatever chemical imbalance is going on in the brain and you suddenly realize that your way of coping with the problems is different. That ever-present heavy cloud seems to vaporize.

And lastly, keep writing here. The very fact that you have written what you did tells me that you can't be in complete denial - you have acknoledged the abuse, you've stated how you feel, and you have reached out for help. I think that deserves a great deal of credit for having the guts to come here. To me, denial would be to say that nothing happened, or it happened but everything is just peachy now.

I won't sugar-coat it - these feelings may never go away. However, the up and down rollercoaster of feelings, over time, will smooth out to gentle peaks and valleys. You're in a very rough patch right now. And as hard as it is to be there, you're going to be okay.

One final word - if you decide to look for a group in your area, be persistant. I live in a major city of 3,000,000 and found only two groups specifically for male sexual abuse survivors. AND, it took quite a few calls to rape hotlines, county agencies, etc. But my persistence paid off. I found a wonderful group and, now that I need a T again, I am seeing the T who ran the group in the beginning.

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions about anything - not just the EMDR.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#69093 - 08/05/05 04:43 PM Re: confused
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Beginning. SD has said it all.

You have taken the first step by being here. We are all here for the same reason and each of us is in a different place on the continuum. Share, rant, and listen and believe that you too can live life the way you were meant to.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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