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#69015 - 07/17/05 07:09 AM Back and doing well
blueelectron9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
Hello,

I haven't been on this site for quite some time now and I'm not exactly sure why. I'm finding it a bit sad that some of the people who knew me way back when are no longer around (?) on the site, but I recognize a number of long timers.

When I first started to have PTSD flashbacks of my abuse I relied heavily on MS and these forums and I can't thank everyone enough for their support, even if it was to just read my post. I can only hope that I have been able to be a giver also, but I realize that is not a requirement for being here.

For those of you who don't know me, my name is Scott. I usually go by Scotty, since my last name starts with "T" and that's what it sounds like when you pronounce Scott-T \:\) . I'm a gay man, 38, in a LTR with my partner Doug. I have DID which is the new name for multiple personality disorder. I've spent the past 2-1/2 years or so struggling to get that under control.

Well, I'm pleased to report that I've found a good psychotheraputic regimin that has kept me feeling stable and present for about two months now. I'm no longer randomly switching from one alter to the other and I'm finding myself getting outside more and even making new friends. All in all, I feel comfortable that the voices in my head have subsided significantly and has given me much needed room to breathe.

I've invited a straight friend of mine who is also a survivor to the Level I retreat in Utah this September. I'm hoping that he'll be able to make it. I went to the Level II retreat but was in a bad headspace after meeting with my family first. My plan was to drive to Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park and do some hiking afterwards to decompress after the retreat, but when I got to Bryce I stayed about an hour and headed straight back to Southern California. I regret that decision but didn't feel like I was in the right place to be alone.

I don't seem to think much about my SA anymore, but the aftermath is still present in sexual addiction and other addictions when that doesn't work. I'd like to think I have it under control but I have to keep on top of it one day at a time.

I'm looking forward to being able to be myself at the next retreat and coming out of my shell and getting to know some of you better. Triggers have subsided substantially and I'm feeling confident that the experience will be a good one.

Here's wishing you safety and happiness and friendship,

Scotty

_________________________
An odd duck who likes even numbers.

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#69016 - 07/17/05 05:36 PM Re: Back and doing well
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Hi Scotty,

It is so good to hear from you. And great to see you here.

Yes, there are a lot new faces on the Discussion Board--which, given the nature of what brings us here, is both good and also a bit sad. You understand, I'm sure.

Anyway, welcome back. You were missed.

There seems to be quite a bit more posting in the Gay Survivors recently, which I always find interesting.

Take care and good to hear that you're doing so well.

Regards,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#69017 - 07/17/05 06:44 PM Re: Back and doing well
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Scotty - Yes, I remember you!! It's always good to hear reports of a member and the progress he's made!! Glad you found something that's effective for you too. The Utah experience looks really good. From what I heard, it's gorgeous and very soothing at Alta!! Unfortunately with my Board position I can't attend the weekends of recovery but I'm waiting for the first one I'm eligible for!! Thanks for sharing your progress!!! With all good thoughts and wishes!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#69019 - 07/20/05 02:39 AM Re: Back and doing well
blueelectron9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
Ah, it's good to be back. I just was reading many posts and remember being in the same boat. Doug and I went to Disneyland today and had a splendid time. Space Mountain closed just when we got there and they were kicking everyone out but I told Doug to hold on and stay. We went and got a piece of pizza and went back and waited for a few more minutes right at the entry way. Low and behold, the lights flashed back on and we were first in line. Suckers \:D That kind of luck happend to us all day today.

I've introduced a friend to this site and it looks like he'll be joining me on the retreat. He's straight and very accepting and it makes it nice to have male friends where there's no expectation for sex (not that that happens now that I'm in a relationship). Still, it's nice to just have friends--something I'm still learning how to do.

Peace,
Scotty

_________________________
An odd duck who likes even numbers.

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#69021 - 07/22/05 12:09 AM Re: Back and doing well
blueelectron9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
Yeah, I have "Victims No Longer" but have never read it. I'm going to go searching for it right now.

--Feeling inspired--
Scotty

_________________________
An odd duck who likes even numbers.

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#69022 - 07/22/05 03:16 AM Re: Back and doing well
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills
Scotty,

Good to hear from you again. I haven't been here as often as I used to be either. Are you going to the retreat this year? I'm thinking about it but I'm not sure yet at this time.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve

_________________________
I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

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#69023 - 07/22/05 08:05 PM Re: Back and doing well
blueelectron9 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/07/02
Posts: 387
Loc: Victoria, BC Canada
Hi, Steve. Yes, I'm coming to the retreat.

Yeah!

Hope you're well,
Scotty

_________________________
An odd duck who likes even numbers.

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#69024 - 07/22/05 08:45 PM Re: Back and doing well
sophiesdad Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida
Hello Scotty and welcome back.

I think that sites such as this have this phenomenon of "come and go" with the members. We tend to focus much of our energy in sites like this when we are in trouble and at a very low spot in our lives. Then, as we start feeling stronger, we want to venture out beyond the "safety net" of the people who have supported us and held us up from falling flat on our faces.

Sometimes it is a good thing to "take a break" because sites like this can be very intense and even overwhelming at times. As for my experience, I have to make a conscious effort to keep visiting on a regular basis solely for the purpose of writing to others in need to "pay it forward" and help someone just as I was helped.

I don't think that any of us will ever rid ourselves of the baggage that we have carried from childhood - after all it has made us the people who we are today - both good and bad traits. But, I think that we can realistically hope for the roller coaster of emotions to eventually slow down to a gentle ebb and flow.

Anyway, welcome back.

SD

_________________________
There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"

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#69025 - 07/27/05 02:46 AM Re: Back and doing well
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Scotty,

We have never met before, but we will because I am going on the retreat in September also and can't wait.

I found out last night that another brother (vhd11) is going also, how coolll.

Am nervousley excited about it all.

Will PM U.

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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