I don't know why, but recently I've gotten pissed off at them. Actually, I DO know why I'm pissed at them, they failed me BIGTIME, and they're trying to just act like we're still just another "family", well we're NOT.
I've been not talking to them for some time now and recently my Uncle is trying to contact me because of this sudden change in my behavior. FINE I'll talk to him this Saturday but I don't know what the HELL he wants to talk about.
Gee, we could talk about how my parents failed miserably to notice key changes in my behavior right after it happened, because they were so absorbed with their own petty problems that they didn't have the time to pay attention to their son?
We could talk about the fact that they NEVER ONCE told me about inappropriate touch or boundaries? Or what to do IF something like that HAPPENED?
We could talk about how if my brother and his friend didn't LAUGH and MAKE FUN of me the very first time I tried to disclose what happened to me, that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I would have actually TRUSTED and TALKED to that psychologist that my parents finally made me go see (when problems started to manifest in violent/anti-social ways) when I was 14, but it was too late then, being laughed at and made fun of the first time I tried to talk about it was simply too powerful a barrier for me to get through.
We could talk about how my grades nose-dived once I hit 7th grade and my Dad did NOTHING to discipline me, he LET me be an underachiever, he ENABLED me to fail, he SET ME UP for failure. What the hell kind of parent let's their kid consistently have D's on their report cards, allll throughout High School?
We could talk about how I lived my teen and adult life direction- less, with no goals and no ambition to achieve anything. I had long ago resolved that I could just "blend in" to whatever company or industry that I got hired into and eventually move up and manage or lead people or attain some valuable skills. I WAS WRONG. Now when
people look at me as a potential hire, they see a single guy (not married, YES unmarried people ARE discriminated against in many workplaces), no experience in the field that he's trying to get into, and has been working restaurants/foodservice for decades and has not even achieved so much as a lower-level management position.
Well it's kind of hard to achieve anything when you're mind is preoccupied with the past. It's hard to have "leadership skills" when your self- image is so God-damned low, how the fuck am I supposed to get people to listen and respect me when I don't respect and love myself? I find myself unable to compete in the workforce. I'm at a severe disadvantage, and all this could have been SO easily PREVENTED OR AT LEAST MINIMIZED.
We could talk about me having tried applying in other areas of the country and they never ever reply, positions that I'm CLEARLY qualified for.
We could talk about how other people "go to college" at 18 and graduate at 22 and land careers and progress in life, people that were given a
chance to grow up and develop normally, something which, in my opinion, is NECESSARY for most people in order to function in our society. Obviously, it's something that I never had a CHANCE to do.
We could talk about how I've done nothing but failed at everything I've tried to do.
Thanks for NOTHING "Mom" and "Dad"!!! I don't know why the HELL you wanted us, you obviously didn't know what the HELL you were doing!!!