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#68212 - 01/04/07 03:58 PM Re: CSA before age 4 - need to hear from you
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I will try to wean him off violent tv - ironically he always says that's his way to *relax*. He always has the remote, too, of course. \:\( Maybe I will offer a foot massage in lieu of tv and see if that works...I've ordered some new CD's with very relaxing music on them....if I have to I'll do it every night to get him away from the violent/gore stuff.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#68213 - 01/05/07 11:20 PM Re: CSA before age 4 - need to hear from you
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
One thing to remember, is the level of coercion, he was made to face, and how he may have been forced into it.

Did he feel threatened with his life?
He must have known his mom knew what was happening.

I keep throwing myself back through hurt, and how it would feel being in that position, but I dont know what he went through, and there are many factors to this.

I was threatened with my life, and it is still there, just as he said it.
That why this post triggers me.

Be firm with him, but not let him take you over,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#68214 - 01/06/07 01:38 AM Re: CSA before age 4 - need to hear from you
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I don't even know. All he told me was that the bf did something (VERY inapropriate) to him. It was a sex act. I was too polite to ask any questions. I do know his parents divorced when he was ONE yr old, and so he could have been pretty young when this happened. I wish I knew more. I hope one day he will tell me. Did his mom know? I don't know. Every time he's talked about her he's held her up on a very high pedestal and always said he "owes" so much to her for raising him and his brother on her own. But that is all. Nothing about whether she was loving, just that she worked hard. To me it always sounded very artificial. Sort of how I've read that sometimes a survivor will idealize the parent even if they were the abuser, because it's just too painful to see the truth.

It's definitely interesting. I've observed his mom when we've seen her - only about every 2 yrs b/c she lives in his country of origin - and she often cries and acts depressed (broods), has many somatic complaints (stomach problems and operations and troubles for which the drs can never find a reason), and she treats him like he were a king, and me as if I'm a queen, as though she feels guilty and is trying to make it up to him or something. I don't know....

I'm so sorry this thread is triggering for you. Your insight is very helpful to me.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#68215 - 01/06/07 11:32 AM Re: CSA before age 4 - need to hear from you
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
You dont need to know what happened right now, leave him to tell you in his own space.
He will have had little male guidance in his upbringing, and possibly his mom had little time for him.

It is likely that he sees her as a rock in his life, and the unexplained illness, are throw backs to when he really was sick of life as a kid with nowhere to turn.

She must be triggering to him, because he may never have truly been able to bond with her, as a young kid, but this is only one of a number of things in the sorry mess.

Just my thoughts,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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