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#67859 - 12/11/06 05:15 AM CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
I am wanting to know if many other survivors (other than my husband) have strong tendencies toward compensatory narcissism, which I just read about and can be caused by a deep-seated shame, whereas the person builds himself up through great success, has grandiose thoughts of himself, is overly sensitive to criticism, etc.

It would seem that a csa person would feel trampled by his bad feelings inside and not be very motivated to have a lot of successes in life, but some actually try to overcompensate or cover up that truth of himself with a big facade of shiny grandiosity. This is my husband.

Which is not a good thing, as it is highly defensive and resistant in therapy. I'm becoming more and more scared as I read these things and match them up.

Can any of you who have hidden behind a facade of perfect self-affirming successes encourage me that you have been able to do therapy?

I'm not feeling very good tonight. \:\(

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#67860 - 12/11/06 07:33 AM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
one thing i think and its just a thought but if you get a book with every symptom of abuse in it you will see a little of it in every survivor ,maybe even see things that arent there ? i think the books give a real broad interpertation of a very individual thing .

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its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#67861 - 12/11/06 12:10 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
shadow,
i think you are right. even though some of us are survivors, like myself, i am still and individual and the abuse has had it's own customized effects on me as on others, male or female. when i was in nursing school every disease i studied, i knew that the signs and symptoms of what ever it was that we were studing happened to be just what i was goig through at the time or in the past. i swear i thought i had symptoms of hundreds of disorders by the time i was threw (LOL).light and luv, sis


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#67862 - 12/11/06 02:33 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
BH,

Shadow hit the nail on the head and SIS gave you the exact analogy I was thinking because of my experience with my sister when she was in nursing school. STOP! A little bit of knowledge is a VERY dangerous thing.

You and your husband have csa to deal with, unfortunately in his case, not to deal with. Learning about csa is good - you know its there so it's important to get all of the information you can, but the effects have tentacles that can very far reaching. That doesn't mean your husband is a walking, talking text book study of every disorder out there.

The only thing you can do is take care of you and your daughter, be aware of your husbands feelings and behaviors and deal with them as they pertain to your family. You can't diagnose him and you can't heal him - ever. That's his choice and then his job once that choice is made.

You are his wife and a mother, not medically or psychologically trained to diagnose disorders. You will drive yourself insane, I can guarantee it.

ROCK ON....Trish

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If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#67863 - 12/11/06 04:06 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Yeah, he is right, there are so many things that make each of us up and ticking.
Its like building a jigsaw with no picture, it takes you a load of time fitting in each piece,

ste

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Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#67864 - 12/11/06 05:22 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Yeah, I knew you guys would say that, and I used to work in the medical field too at one time and so I know all about the self-diagnosing stuff.......all I can say is that again so many pieces are falling into place at a very rapid rate as I think back over the 15 yrs I've known my husband, from comments he's made, (I have a memory like an elephant), to reactions to things, etc., and it all fits so perfectly and so on.

Ok, so if in the future he sees a T FINALLY, HOPEFULLY, and if that T diagnoses him (or it might take a psychiatrist to do this) with pass/agg and comp. narc. behaviors, then you guys have to buy me another vintage/antique ornament for my tree from ebay that I am obsessed about. ;\)

If I turn out to be a wrong, slobbering lunatic proven out with time that he is NOT diagnosed w/ these things as brought on by his csa, then I will eat all 4 of my csa books and papers one page at a time.

But seriously, thank you and I do realize the futility of trying to figure it all out on my own, I KNOW we need a very good psychiatrist to do these things, I know I can only speculate, etc., but I also have to say I believe I have a very analytical mind and am very insightful and perceptive and have been right on many, many occasions about things. I will just keep praying for a T in his future.

Who knows, I may have to become a psychiatrist in my next life.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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#67865 - 12/11/06 05:27 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Dont!!! You might meet me!!!!

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#67866 - 12/11/06 05:31 PM Re: CSA can cause "compensatory narcissisim"
Brokenhearted Offline
Member

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Actually I would love to meet everyone here.

_________________________
Brokenhearted

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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