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#67856 - 10/02/03 06:06 PM Is Al-anon right for me?
lindts Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/09/03
Posts: 26
My question is, "Should I be going to Al-anon as my support group even though there is no alcohol issues in my relationship?" I have been unsuccessful at finding any SA partners' support grps in the D.C. metro area (VA/MD/D.C.) so I started going to Al-anon mtgs to find support. Everyone has been very compassionate and understanding. But it seems like everyone is there for alcoholism and despite quietly asking around, no one is in a relationship that includes an SA survivor. I've tried to share my feelings, but I feel a bit dishonest trying to explain my feelings in a way that everyone thinks I'm in an alcoholic relationship. The welcoming and opening remarks stress the alcoholic relationship so much, that I am apprehensive about saying I'm there for SA reasons and then someone suggesting that this might not be the right grp for me (i,e, move on). I have a co-dependency support group in my area but I am not familiar with what issues co-dependency deals with so I don't know if that group is more suitable for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


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#67857 - 10/02/03 09:32 PM Re: Is Al-anon right for me?
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Lindts,

I go to Al Anon, too, although the active alcoholics in my family are pretty distant from me these days. My mom hasn't had a drink in nearly 30 years. Alcoholism had a lot to do with the abuse I suffered, physical and sexual abuse. But there are people in meetings who openly admit that they do not have an active alcoholic in their life at the moment. If someone else's drinking affected your life (friend, parent, grandparent, abuser of your partner), no matter when they did the drinking, you should be welcome, IMHO. It's really up to you to decide if it's right for you.

I'm in Southern Maryland and found a therapist through the county health department. I originally found the health department through RAINN.org's web site.

I did an intake interview at the DC Rape Crisis Center, in part because I had followed a trail from an old Howard County newspaper article about a male survivors' group to the DC RCC. They have several groups in DC, but I'm not sure if they have one for partners. It's worth a shot, though. Check the RAINN lists for your own county.

Check the lists of therapists here, too. If you're closer in to DC, or in No VA, there may be therapists listed with MaleSurvivor.org close by. See if one of them knows of a program for partners.

HTH,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#67858 - 10/10/03 08:04 PM Re: Is Al-anon right for me?
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
I too have found that Alanon has been very helpful, a good source of support. No matter what group you are in, if it is a haven, a place of support, love, friendship, then it is the place to be when you need it. Keep going, keep talking, keep meeting other survivors, they will help you stay strong.

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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