I am writing here as a male SA survivor, and I woke up this morning thinking I should hold my wife. I've been reading some marriage literature, and it encourages the little things, like snuggling in the morning. But there were two problems this morning.
The first was that I realized about one minute into my holding her that I was the one needing the hug. I was in need yesterday and called her since my bodily memories were just so intense at work. She supported me last night.
The other problem is that she didn't get much sleep last night. She told me that recently I have started to moan and groan in my sleep. I'm not sure if I had ever done that before. But she just started going into full blown PMS, and that was the fuel for the fire this morning.
One little thing to add: I told her I dreamed of making love with her, which I did.
She got nasty with me after I forgot we had someone coming over today. She got nasty when I forgot where a key was. Everything about what I did pissed her off...and I chose to not get involved. I just looked at her, knowing she was completely irrational at that time. I know what it looks like--mom was a raging alcoholic. That was the only thing that kept me from opening up my mouth.
That pisses me off. I wrote her a simple email to her work. Here it is:
I will avoid you as long as you wish to abuse me with words. I didn't make you angry. I won't be a target for your anger either. Call me if you want to speak fairly with me. Don't call to justify your attack.
Alfred (end of letter)
She wrote back with fierce defenses about her reasons. I deleted her message after reading it (it was full of hurtful words) and I wrote a simple email to her work. In the subject line I wrote "Don't write back". Nothing else.
It's like for three days every month I have to strategize how to avoid pissing her off. We both know she has bad periods, and I consciosly become a peacekeeper. She is very nice when she is not PMSing, but I am expected to not EVER defend myself during this time. BULLSHIT! I don't need to take this abuse. I would REALLY appreciate some feedback.