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#67396 - 08/17/03 07:00 PM FOR MM- Re: I hurt her, need HELP
LovingPartner Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 26
MM,
I had to start a new thread here because women aren't allowed to post in the male survivors forum. I wanted to reply because my hubby, a survivor, had the same problem. (I asked him if it was ok for me to post this, he said go ahead.) I remember waking up on the bedroom floor many times. He was asleep, and had no clue he even moved, let alone knocked me off the bed. I took the initiative and started to hold him in my arms or try to wake him up when he had the nightmares. I would talk to him and tell him it was me, not his perp. Could Eve have accidentally touched you while you were asleep? If I touched my hubby, even accidentally when I was rolling over, it could start a nightmare. (And it didn't even have to be a private area that I touched.) But sometimes when I tried to hold him, I guess he thought I was his perp, because he tried to fight me off him. Try a mix, maybe talking to you while she's trying to wake you, and once you're awake she can hold you while you two talk? And if it seems to be touch (anywhere) that sparks nightmares at times, then try giving each other a massage. Even a simple back massage or foot rub will work for starters. Then expand the area to be massaged. That way you both get a massage and you get used to being touched and you both find out if there are any areas that you aren't comfy being touched. Just a thought. I hope I helped. Please let us know if this works for you.
Eve knows you didn't intentionally hurt her. She loves you. Things will get better.
By the way, we don't mind listening to your problems. We all post our problems here, so you hear about our problems too. We are all here to help and support each other. Best of luck to you and Eve. If she needs some support, I am here. Just let me know.

LP


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#67397 - 08/17/03 07:15 PM Re: FOR MM- Re: I hurt her, need HELP
MM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 59
Loc: Canada
I don't think her touching me could start a nightmare in our particular case, since we usually fell asleep in each others arms \:\) ... I don't like physical touch but at the same time hugging her doesn't trigger me at all.

I don't have a clue what sparks my nightmares, sometimes when she touches my "private area" I have flashbacks, but that's when I'm awake. After I go to sleep I don't have any idea what happens...

Thank you for the suggestions, I think we can try the massage when she gets better.


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#67398 - 08/17/03 08:31 PM Re: FOR MM- Re: I hurt her, need HELP
LovingPartner Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/08/03
Posts: 26
Mark-
Glad to help anytime you feel you need it. I mention the touching thing because sometimes if I accidentally touched him (especially his "rear end") it might spark a nightmare. And on the massage thing, once you can both handle a "full-body" massage (I think that's what they call it) you feel so much better. I find it to be a great way to break down the wall on touching. You mentioned flashbacks when your private area is touched, could Eve have accidentally touched there while you were asleep? Just a thought. I hope my suggestions are of some help.
By the way, I think Lloydy copied my original post here to your original thread.

LP

P.S.
I just thought of this, but I recall reading that having SA on the mind before bed is more likely to spark nightmares. Maybe read something funny before bed?


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