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#67083 - 07/12/03 08:40 PM Victor.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Over the last few day's I, and some of the other Mod's and Admin', have been in contact with Victor and it's become clear that he no longer wishes to have anything to do with MS.

I know many of you will miss Victor, as I will for sure, he was a great influence and source of support here. It's a great shame that he doesn't feel able to take our support at a time he might be needing it.
He will certainly be missed for his unrivalled enthusiasm, humour, and support.

The last week or so has been hard, there have been many words said that have hurt many of us. But I believe we're over that now and back on the track of what we do best - supporting and healing.

I'd like to thank you for staying with us through this tough time, so many of you supported the Moderators via PM's and posts, and we do appreciate it.

Thank you all.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#67084 - 07/12/03 09:20 PM Re: Victor.
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
I don't know why Victor did what he did. Nor do I know why Andrew Almost 52 dropped out either. I do know that there was a meltdown of some people in their posts in the last couple of weeks. Some terrible things were said in anger or hurt.

Maybe some were ashamed by their behaviors. Maybe some got scared over the abusiveness by some of the posts that were going on.

Maybe some of the posts triggered shame, fear, guilt, or other emotions.

Someone posted in the last couple of days that the volume of posts seemed to be way down and speculated that maybe it was vacation time. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

In any event, we need to return to what this place is for.... support, information, validation, advice, knowledge, resources, and healing.

For those who are feeling shame by their posts, remember that you once contributed and helped others before things got a little crazy. You are still welcome here to be the support and contributor you were before.

For those who are feeling scared by the abusiveness and hurtfulness of some of the recent posts, remember that we are all human and sometimes things do get crazy and if the abusiveness was reminiscent of old abuse, please know that we are really about healing, not hurting each other here.

For those who feel the loss of familiar supports, know that others will take their place. You may also be someone who can help others by your presence and words.

We will continue to be a safe place for survivors and those who care about them. Your continued presence allows that to happen.

Ken


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#67085 - 07/12/03 09:27 PM Re: Victor.
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Dave,

Thank you for the update as sad as it makes me feel. It removes any hope I had of Victor returning. I truly hope he can find his healing.

I shared and corresponded with Victor more than anyone else here. I feel like I've lost a best friend.

I've some grieving to do, not sure how to though.

i welcome some advice,

jer


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#67086 - 07/13/03 12:17 AM Re: Victor.
dwf Offline
Moderator/BoD Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/24/03
Posts: 1223
Loc: Austin, Texas USA
Dave and Ken,

Thank you both for your comforting reassurances.

I used to pretend that I didn't care about things

like this.

I hope to God I never find it necessary to pretend

that way again. It just about killed me before I

found a way back.

Thank you guys for reminding me that I don't

have to pretend now.

I can be sad and not feel hopeless.

I can allow myself to feel the hurt of loss

without giving up on life because I've got you

guys reaching out and soothing my ache.

jer,

I don't know how I might help, but please know

that I'm here for you, buddy.

They say that a burden shared is lighter by

half--I've got pretty strong shoulders.

Let's keep on taking care of each other.

The world has more than enough hurt and sorrow.

If anyone can, please tell Vic, I miss him.

Sadly,

_________________________
"Poke salad Annie, 'gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
'Cause her mama was aworkin' on the chain-gang"

-Tony Joe White

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#67087 - 07/13/03 12:43 PM Re: Victor.
doctorfrau Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/03
Posts: 60
Loc: West Virginia (NOT western Vir...
NOW where will I get my daily chuckle from Victor's Looney Toons Wav's???!!! \:D

_________________________
"...your choice, is what to DO with the time that you are given."

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#67088 - 07/16/03 09:48 AM Re: Victor.
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Victor not being here is a loss to all of us, the strength his words brought out will be missed.
It is a shame (speaking for myself) that in the heat of anger, some very damaging things are said. Rather than take a breath and think, the words flow out, causing hurt beyond belief. I learned this the hard way by allowing my anger and hurt to be expressed in my words and actions towards my wife, never psycial, but I could really do a job on her brain.
Everyone has an opinion on everything, the good part of these opinions is when a compromise can be reached and the results shared. Strong is the person that can admit being wrong and turn around and support others and their opinion.
Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#67089 - 07/16/03 07:54 PM Re: Victor.
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Bob

Quote:
Strong is the person that can admit being wrong and turn around and support others and their opinion.
Thank you for that.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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