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#67031 - 11/09/06 12:09 PM Why is he pushing me away?
Confused Girlfriend Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 5
I convinced my boyfriend to go to a therapist after he told me 2 weeks ago of his abuse some 30 years ago.

He had his first session on Tuesday and ever since then he's not wanted to talk to me about it.

He's cancelled on seeing me for the last 3 nights now and says that he just wants to be left alone.

I'm trying hard to respect his wishes, but I just feel as though he's asking me to turn my back on him. It's so hard to just try and switch off and leave him alone when all I want to do is comfort him.

I'm torn between the 2. Trying to be my idea of a good girlfriend by being there for him, and on the other hand, listening to his needs and wants.

He hasnt told me what was brought up in his session, so is there anyone who can tell me why he might be acting this way in order for me to stay sane???


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#67032 - 11/09/06 03:27 PM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Confused,

My b/f does not talk to me about what goes on in his therapy sessions. He's worn out after them and sometimes it takes days before he's back to himself. We've talked about it and he's told me he just doesn't want to talk to me about it because there is stuff that he and his T talk about that is so personal and so emotional for him that he just can't, so I don't ask. I give him his space for as long as he needs it after he sees his T and then we just go on with our lives. He brings things up to me every now and then, but short of that, we don't talk about it.

The only time we discuss a therapy session is when it revolves around our relationship. The rest of it is between him and his T.

Just let him know you're there if he wants to talk. Show him your love and respect his wishes to sort it out. Therapy can be extremely draining and many times brings up memories and thoughts that your guy probably needs time to process before he talks to you about it, if at all.

It's not a reflection on you; it's just something your b/f needs to work through on his own and with his T.

ROCK ON........Trish

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#67033 - 11/09/06 03:39 PM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
Confused Girlfriend Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 5
But I dont want to talk about what is said in therapy. He's just refusing to see me FULL STOP!


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#67034 - 11/09/06 03:56 PM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus
MaleSurvivor<

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Confused, it's only been a couple of days after his first T session. Try not to panic. I assume you've been together for a while since he told you of the abuse and accepted your advice to see a T. I doubt he's calling it quits. He just needs to breathe. Again, don't panic.

I'll be back later.

T

_________________________
If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

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#67035 - 11/09/06 04:08 PM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
Confused Girlfriend Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 5
PM for you Trish


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#67036 - 11/10/06 06:52 AM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
kishka06 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/21/06
Posts: 38
Hi Confused,
I know it's hard, but I agree with Trish. Give him some space. Again, I doubt he has stopped seeing you because he's called it quits. Give him a few days of keeping to himself. Maybe even up to a week.

My bf doesn't discuss his T sessions with me, and I don't ask about them - I know he is working through some pretty hard stuff right now. When he does want to talk about things, he knows I am here to listen.

My guess is, he isn't sure what you are going to do next - my bf was convinced I would leave him when it all came to light. Just try to remain calm. Give him his space, and see what happens.
I am sure it will be OK.
Kishka


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#67037 - 11/10/06 08:28 PM Re: Why is he pushing me away?
Born to Resist Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA
Confused Girlfriend,

The comfort he needs is space. Beyond understanding this this might be about your comfort to feel that the realtionship is secure, but this is convoluting the two.

Spirituality-Courage-Wisdom


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