(I couldn't resist that; us Texans have pretty corny sense of humor! :rolleyes:
It's Danny, here. I'm pretty new here too. If you don't mind though I'd like to share a little bit
of my experience with you. If it helps, great. If
is doesn't, then just take what works and leave the rest. OK?
Now that YOU are in touch with a helping network, I would really encourage you to explore, experience and share your feelings about what is happening in YOUR life.
Personally, I have found that I have a tendency to become absorbed in the drama of other peoples lives. Sometimes so much so, that I am unable to think or respond with any real discernment.
Sometimes, I have taken actions under the influence of this obsession with others that I have ended up feeling that I have betrayed myself or actually harmed the person I was "just trying to help". (I've thought of having that on my gravestone "I was only trying to help!")
Please understand, I am not in doubt about your love or commitment to your partner. And I do know what it is like to be in love with someone who is on a path of self destruction or harm.
It is a really tough place to be. It hurts like hell, and I never knew what to do.
I can tell that you want to do the most loving thing for your partner. My suggestion is similar to the other guys here. Seek professional help.
The effects of sexual abuse are too much for any one of else to handle alone. Issues of criminality, emotional disturbance or psychiatric imbalance are best handled by professionals.
You have done the right thing in coming here. You need to find relief for your pain and your anxiety. Then you will be in a much better position to be of assistance to your loved one.
Part of the tragedy of sexual abuse is the effect it has on those closest to the victim. You, because you are a loving person, have found yourself in that position.
It's important for you to remember that you did not cause this to happen, you cannot control it (nobody can) and you cannot cure this in your friend, no matter how hard you try or how much you wish him to be healed. That is his work to do. It does not reflect in any way on your worth, strength or moral character.
And while you can and should be loving and supportive, especially by gaining knowledge about sexual abuse, which you are doing here, you cannot do this work for him--nor can you or should you do the work of the law enforcement, medical doctors or psychiatrists.
You have your own work to do also. And it involves taking care of yourself and being present when and if your loved one is ready to seek help.
Sure make him aware of the resources that you have found, take appropriate action if you fear he may hurt himself or others even perhaps consider an intervention of sorts, if the professionals you consult agree that it would be helpful.
You are not going to be in any shape to help in any of these ways if you cannot find a way to some support and serenity for yourself.
You cannot give him what you do not have.
Sexual abuse is a brutal violation of a man's mind, body and soul. Being the partner of a survivor has it's own challenges. You deserve to be loved and supported, whether your partner gets better or not.
To be more direct, please notice that your posts are very much centered on your significant other. It is easy to see that he is the one with "the problems". Since you love him, do you think now that perhaps you have problems of your own?
Where are you in this? What are you feeling?
What are you doing to deal with all of this in your life?
Now that you are aware of the problems your friend is facing, it is going to be more and more difficult but more and more necessary for you to somehow find the strength to bring the focus back to yourself. Because that is truly the only place any of us can make changes.
As we change our attitudes, it is sometimes surprising how those around us change too.
While you didn't cause, can't cure or control the effects of the sexual abuse, you do have a choice in what your CONTRIBUTION to this situation can be.
And that depends on what you do to help yourself.
You are in the right place. And I'm glad you're here. I often think of how many other victims of sexual abuse never get a chance to speak--the families and friends who lose their loved ones to anger, shame and fear. They and you are victims too.
I am so sorry about what brought you here. But I am glad that you have found this place. There is a lot of comfort, hope and strength here.
Please come back and share whatever you need to.
Welcome, from another survivor of sexual abuse,