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#66968 - 07/03/03 12:48 AM Re: advice on sexual issues
stpbb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 103
Thanks, thanks, thanks -- I am constantly amazed at how truly helpful this site is to me. I originally came here looking for sources of information for my bf & have really felt supported & welcomed by everyone when I have posted my own issues & needed support.

The article looks really good -- I will definitely print it out for him. The books he has & goes to periodically. I also talked to him tonight about this thread. He said he doesn't want to read it, but he asked for a verbal summary, so I gave him the basic info. I don't know exactly why, but he seems uncomfortable about accessing this site so I try to just offer the information that I find here & elsewhere as it seems appropriate and/or of interest to him.

We are both going away over the weekend -- me for a short trip & him for a bit longer. He has said he will do some thinking about the relationship & what he wants to be doing with his life. I will be NOT thinking for a while & take a break. I'm going to the mountains -- nothing like the rockies to put small issues into perspetive.

-BB.


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#66969 - 07/03/03 10:22 AM Re: advice on sexual issues
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
This sounds familiar:

Quote:
Originally posted by stpbb:

So he will tell me things in a very 'take it or leave it' way -- such as the discussion about the sexual fantasies. It isn't so much that I really think he is prepared for me to reject him over it. He knows I am open-minded reagarding sex, have friends ranging from the stereotypical family with 1.5 kids & matching SUVs to friends in the process of changing their gender. So I am pretty 'safe' to open up to. But the manner in which he tells me doesn't really acknowlege the nature of our relationship to each other -- that I might have feelings about being compared to whatever the fantasy may be, or feelings about who he desires sexually.
My ex boyfriend used to do that a lot - tell me about problems with his relationship with me as if I was some kind of neutral friend and not a person who had some kind of emotional involvement with him. It was truly bizarre. As if the relationship and everything that we had just didnt exist at that moment. I truly believe my ex BF is also a survivor of sexual abuse but he really has no idea that he was. His excuse regarding all the intrusive things that his mother did to him (checking his genitals as he was going through puberty, touching him inappropriately, seeing his parents walk around the house naked, etc) were "because she was a nurse" and because the "family was french" (which they are but come on now....)

Such a weird situation - kind of like an out of body experience being played out right in front of you.

I just think that during those moments the person who is doing this is just so wrapped up in themselves and their pain they just cant see that there is anyone else out there that could possibly matter at that time. They just dont have the "goods" to show any kind of compassion, empathy or common courtesy.


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