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#6716 - 08/11/06 02:46 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
But what if I go and it's not like that, what if they're happy to see me for once?


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#6717 - 08/11/06 03:04 PM Re: Family
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I'll just leave this with my other comment for you to think about later, when you feel you are up to it:

Quote:
The alcohol issue, fucking A, I don't even know where to start with that one. It's a real problem, I can admit that. Yeah I do it to numb out, I do it to deal with having sex sometimes, all the wrong reasons.
I don't know if I was an alcoholic, but if not I was pretty close. I didn't think I was having fun at a party until I had thrown up at least once, and there were times I was so wasted I went into convulsions. That's another topic, I just want to say I do know what alcohol can do to you.

Dealing with alcohol is in a way like dealing with abuse issues. You have to admit there's a problem, then you have to take the big step of doing something about it. There will be ups and downs, but it possible to get past this one.

Do you have a problem? It sounds like it. You are using alcohol to escape from other problems, even to the extent of drinking so you can have sex. The problem here is that gradually you will need more and more alcohol to get the same result, and eventually this will drive away people who would otherwise like to be around you. You wind up with a crowd who are into the same self-destructive behavior; if you don't mind falling into trash cans (one of my magic tricks) you wind up with friends who think that's cool too.

That said, I suspect you aren't an alcoholic yet. You are just using it for all the wrong reasons, as you say, and you can see it's getting into heavy territory. But why not admit you need help and ask for it? That's what you did when you came here, after all.

I'll stop here, because I don't want this to sound like I'm preaching. Just bear in mind that people who are alcoholics so often start out like you have, and then discover one day how cruel a master drinking can become.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#6718 - 08/11/06 03:21 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Admitting that I need help is like saying "He wins". At least that's what it feels like in my head.


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#6719 - 08/11/06 04:28 PM Re: Family
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
That "he wins" will be the least of your problems if you become physically addicted to alcohol. Alcohol withdrawl can be a BITCH. If you've been drinking every day for many years, you could well be addicted and not know it until you stop, when you get those shakes and cold sweats. It really sucks believe me, that's another reason not to drink every day, if that is, in fact, what you're doing.

Jay, go there, but don't drink. Confront your Mom and Dad and ask them why they let you get perped and let him get away with it. If they can't handle it, at least you'll know that you tried to talk to them about it. I sense that you need acknowledgment on their part for failing to protect you. I got my parents (one of them) to outright admit it, and I felt better after having the courage to bring it up.

Sometimes you gotta say "fuck it I'm talking to them about it right now" and just do it.

But Jay, I also don't know the true nature of your relationship with your parents, so my suggestions may not be appropriate for your situation, I'll leave that for you to decide.


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#6720 - 08/11/06 04:41 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Maybe I just won't go.

I drink every day.


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#6721 - 08/11/06 04:44 PM Re: Family
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
well, you might be in for a rough road if you quit cold turkey, how long you been drinking every day jay? Years?


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#6722 - 08/11/06 04:47 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Started when I was around 13 but wasn't every day, got to be more and more then started drinking every day for about the last 3 years or so.


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#6723 - 08/11/06 04:56 PM Re: Family
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Yeah ok. Ummm......if and when you decide to quit, you might be in for a rough road dude, seriously. I strongly suggest that you take a vacation from work while you do it. You might need help too, hard to say.


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#6724 - 08/11/06 05:07 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Stop it man you're scaring me


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#6725 - 08/11/06 06:21 PM Re: Family
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I don't mean to pile on the bad news or gang up on you, but Hauser is saying what he does because it's the truth and that's what you need to hear.

Also a brief comment on this:

Quote:
Admitting that I need help is like saying "He wins". At least that's what it feels like in my head.
Actually the opposite is true. Saying you need help and asking for it is to refuse to be silenced any longer. It is to say that you and not the abuse will decide your future from now on. It's a way of saying that you refuse to allow what he did to hijack your life.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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