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#6706 - 08/11/06 12:16 AM Re: Family
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Beer is cheap, but time it takes to heal from CSA (unless you're one of the "lucky" younger guys here) is not. If you're using alcohol to numb out the bad feelings, you're not doing yourself any good becuase you're delaying your recovery.

Don't drink just to feel better.

Plus, you'll be in a better presence of mind if you wish to pull your Dad aside and ask him what his deal is. Another thing, a drunk person is much easier to control in any given situation, let you're Dad do the drinking while you corner him with some questions about why he was a shitty Dad etc.

Just telling you what I would think of doing. I hope it goes well. You sure seem like a nice guy and it sucks that you had shitty parents.

Wow, having said that, I think that I just thought of a cool new post to put up.


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#6707 - 08/11/06 12:28 AM Re: Family
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Returning to your first post, I wonder why on earth you would go. That is, what would you gain from such a trip? Can you think of anything at all? If so, then sure, go for it.

But if not...

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#6708 - 08/11/06 12:33 AM Re: Family
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

I wanted to deal with the alcohol issue separately. The whole weekend is shaping up as something that can only cause you harm and the drinks aspect is part of it.

If you are using drinks to numb out, then you are likely to really go for it this weekend and make a bad situation even worse. You are speaking to an experienced master here!

Hauser is so right - the drinks can only slow you down in your recovery. And that's not all: if you are seriously thinking you might need the help of the AA then you are adding a second big problem to the already formidable one of healing from abuse.

If you are trying to heal from a broken leg, why break the other one?

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#6709 - 08/11/06 01:39 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I don't know why I'm going.
I guess I don't want him to think I'm afraid to show up and face him. I don't want my mother going around asking if anyone has seen her "troubled" son. I haven't decided if I'm going or not.

The alcohol issue, fucking A, I don't even know where to start with that one. It's a real problem, I can admit that. Yeah I do it to numb out, I do it to deal with having sex sometimes, all the wrong reasons.

I'm just lost on that one.

J


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#6710 - 08/11/06 01:45 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
all in time my friend. yes, you need to work on your drinking, but i feel that would be easier once you've kind of adressed why you are drinking. i feel a lot of that goes beyond the abuse. a lot of that also stems from things with your father. in time you will put all that in its place. you kind of can't rush it, but you are aware that drinking is a problem for you, and that you need to work on it, so work on it. that is what all this stuff is, identify what you want to change, and work on changing it

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#6711 - 08/11/06 02:06 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Things with my father have nothing do to with me drinking. Not that I'm aware of anyway...

What makes you say that?


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#6712 - 08/11/06 02:20 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
i bet you'll find his lack of acceptance, understanding and tolerance bothers you a lot more than even a lot of the abuse. we have talked enough that i see a lot of hurt over being ignored by him, and when you are numbing away the pain, a big part of that pain is because of things with your father. that is my opinion, but i think if you talk it over with your therapist they are going to agree

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#6713 - 08/11/06 02:28 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
You're right, it hurts a lot... too much in fact.

Every shitty thing that ever happened to me happened as a result of how he treated me.

And I'd rather not even continue this conversation right now.

Thanks
J


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#6714 - 08/11/06 02:36 PM Re: Family
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Jay,

Quote:
I guess I don't want him to think I'm afraid to show up and face him. I don't want my mother going around asking if anyone has seen her "troubled" son.
As you can see, those are both very negative reasons for going. And if I may say so, pretty futile as well. That is, if you go or don't go, that won't affect your parents' ability or willingness to find things about you to pick at and complain about.

You are basically saying that if you go the trip is likely to cause you harm. Or if it doesn't, that will be because you were at emotional "battle stations" 24/7.

What a waste of a weekend.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#6715 - 08/11/06 02:44 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
I dont want you to go there if you arent ready. relax, and leave it alone. i know it hurts. one step at a time.

you know my history, and that my father wasnt right either. when someone doesnt love you as they should there is going to be a lot of pain and resentment there. when talking here becomes too much, you are right to step back. there are times and places to face that pain, and alone with nothing but the internet for help isnt the best time or place.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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