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#6696 - 08/10/06 03:11 PM Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I'm visiting my so called family this weekend.

My mother called and actually invited me over on Saturday. I should have probably said "no I have plans". I should probably just blow it off.

For some reason I think I'll go there and things will be different. Like maybe when I enter the room my father won't get up and walk out.

When I spoke to her I asked her why she was inviting me, she acted like it was a crazy question, said she thought I'd like to see my cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. That it had been a while. I said "Which uncle's are going to be there?" Of course she mentioned all of them except Kenny. I asked her if "her husband" minded if I was there... I shouldn't have asked that question because I didn't want her to think that I really cared... but she laughed at me, said "of course not."

So am I setting myself up here to get hurt again? Probably. Setting myself up for major dissapointment? Probably.

Thoughts on this would be helpful. Talking me out of going would be even better. A good punch in the head to knock some sense into me... that would be best! \:\)

Thanks,
Jay


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#6697 - 08/10/06 03:14 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
just expect the worse. go in prepared for your father to act just like he always has. i wouldnt expect any better, and then if he does act better it will be a pleasant surprise.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#6698 - 08/10/06 04:35 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Good idea!
I'll expect him to act like an asshole and he will so I won't be surprized.


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#6699 - 08/10/06 05:35 PM Re: Family
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Well, sarcasm aside, it's a pretty sound policy. You know how your father acts and, as unpleasant as it may be, you do know how to deal with it.

There's going to be how many people there? A dozen, perhaps more? Plenty of other people to talk to. If you can just not talk to him the whole time and talk with other people instead, I don't see (from my unconnected and uninformed vantage point) any reason you can't take this opportunity to see some of the people you care about, that still care about you. That, of course, is ultimately your decision and no one else's.

Is your father upset with you because you disclosed Kenny's abuse? Or something else?

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#6700 - 08/10/06 06:17 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I don't know why he's upset with me, he's been upset with me since the day I was born I think! He was okay for a while but very cold and untouchable, then he just ignored me, then the abuse started verbal at first then physical. I've always tried to figure out what it is about me that he hated so much, or why he never wanted me in the first place... that's what he always made it seem like. In the beginning when Kenny was just nice to me I used to think maybe he was my real dad and that's why the other dad didn't like me. But then again, he's my mothers brother... but then again, I saw him screwing my mother more than once... it's all really confusing and I hate to think about it. I never disclosed the abuse to either one of my parents. But I know that they knew it was happening... One day I woke up and Kenny was gone, the folks threw him out and said to never mention his name again... all I really knew is I was alone to deal with my father on my own. Once Kenny wasn't there to protect me (or abuse me) anymore things w/ the old man got real bad. He'd beat me and I had nobody to go to that could make me feel better (like Kenny could).
Fucker ;(

After the assault the old man totally wrote me off, was/is completely disgusted with me, won't talk to me, won't look at me, won't even be in the same room with me.
All of that all my life and I have no idea why...

Anyway, sorry go on and on like that. You're right, I haven't been with any of my family in a very long time, it might be nice to see some of them.

Really I'm just going for the free beer \:\)
Anyway, sorry I got off track there.


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#6701 - 08/10/06 07:18 PM Re: Family
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
Don't be sorry - you were simply answering a question I asked. That's the problem with this board - everybody is SORRY for everything! ARRRRGH!!!

Anyway, back at the ranch...well, sounds like your father has got some serious personal issues. If I've got your "case history" right, I know which assault you're talking about. Perhaps, to this person's crudely simplistic and old-fashioned way of thinking, your being a victim of such a type of assault makes you "tainted" in his eyes somehow. Some people have a knack for judging others based on things those other people have absolutely no control over.

Seems to me your father's just a dick, plain and simple. If he's "written you off", perhaps it's best to just do him the same courtesy. Until, of course, that unlikely day when he's finally ready to do some listening.

'Till then, nothing beats free beer.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#6702 - 08/10/06 07:43 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
hey, how bout leaving the free beer alone for me? or at least be very careful about how many.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#6703 - 08/10/06 07:55 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
Hey, sorry that I said I was sorry...
No I'm just kidding, I know I hate that too and catch myself doing it often!

Yeah, he's a dick and I agree that he blames me for what happened, like I asked for it. His problem, not mine right? I'll be trying to convince myself of that between now and Saturday.

Phoster - Leaving the free beer alone? you're kidding right?


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#6704 - 08/10/06 08:01 PM Re: Family
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
well, like i said, maybe just go easy.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#6705 - 08/10/06 08:04 PM Re: Family
Jaysen Offline
Member

Registered: 06/14/06
Posts: 680
I know, I know, I'm an idiot! On one hand I talk about getting into AA, on the other hand I talk about getting the free beer!


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