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#66832 - 06/01/05 12:46 AM Worries From a Sister; don't know what to do
demonboi Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/05
Posts: 228
Loc: East Coast


_________________________
Every corner, every city
There's a place where life's a little easy
Little Hennessy, laid back and cool
Every hour, cause it's all good
Leave all the stress from the world outside
Every wrong done will be alright
Nothin but peace, love
And street passion, every ghetto needs a thug mansion

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#66833 - 06/01/05 01:30 AM Re: Worries From a Sister; don't know what to do
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Trinity,

Please don't feel guilty being here. The family and friends forum is where u should be. Might think about getting your own account at some time and writing in this forum, if u want to. Maybe talk it over with your bro. Just a thought.

All u have to do is keep doing what u are doing. Please don't walk on egg shells, he is hurting and so are u. He needs what he is already getting from u. The hugs, kisses, your smile and soothing words that together u and your brother are going to get through it together. Tell him that he is not alone and reassure that he will be ok.

What he needs is to feel safe. This means different things to a lot of people. For me is my teddy bear, hugging him as I drift off to sleep and I am 44 yrs old. Ask him what he needs to feel safe.

Trust is very hard for us as survivors of sexual abuse, maybe not a trust issue with u, but maybe doctors, police and any male if it was a male that hurt him. Be with him throught out the appt. and don't leave him alone when talkig with dr. etc... He might look brave and say he can handle dealing with the dr. alone, don't allow him to go in by himself.

About knowing what to say or not to say. I don't have an answer and neither do my parents. They don't know how to help me, but each time I talk about what is going on in my life they are there to hear. I dont go over specific details, but in genreral terms only. I have given my folks books about dealing with sexual abuse and they sort of understand. It takes time.

Might consider looking into talk help not just for him, but for u also. He is Not only is he going through this, u are also and u have to remember that.

U need to take care of Trinity also, don't forget her

Healing_Inside

Hope this helps. Don't want to sound preachy or saying that u need to do this and stuff like that. I just care and want to help

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#66834 - 06/01/05 09:50 PM Re: Worries From a Sister; don't know what to do
SAR Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/03
Posts: 3310
Loc: USA
Trinity,

This section of the site is for male survivors AND the people in their lives who are interested in seeing them recover.

You are not alone in this either; the people in Family and Friends know what it is like to be unsure and afraid of what to do and how to help-- we know how hard it is to see someone you love hurting so badly.

One thing that it's always helped me to remember is that my boyfriend made the decision to disclose his abuse to me BEFORE he ever told me about it; which means there must have been something about the person I've always been that made him feel safe. So it can't be too bad for you to keep being that same person.

You can register here under your own name, and I hope you do, and read and post in Family and Friends. Sometimes it's just nice to know that someone else knows what it's like.

You might want to work it out with your brother how you can do that without him feeling unsafe. For example, you might agree not to read each other's posts or not to bring up what you've read here in your talks. Your brother's mod buddy would be good to talk to about that-- also if either of you decide to join MS, there are private forums for both male survivors and family and friends.

Take care
SAR


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