I am reminded by something my counselor told me to do. Since my husband can't be intimate w/ me she said I should just tell him that one thing I need every day is a hug. It's a little thing but if he did that much (I haven't yet gotten to talk to him enough that I can ask for this, hope to soon), then it would be my little love token each day that might give me the strength to keep going. It's hardly anything really, and to do without so much (no conversation, no intimacy, no closeness, no everything) is so hard for me, especially as I see all my friends having all that and more, yes, even regular date nights, but I HAVE to remember my husband is not capable of doing those things.....right now. Hopefully things will improve SOON but right NOW he cannot do those things. So I will have to be satisfied with a daily hug, which is one thing I intend to ask for. Maybe I could extend it to a hug and him asking about my day or something.
I think it's just hard this time of year too, with families getting together for Thanksgiving and making memories, pictures of kids dressed up for Halloween, LIFE. And we feel we are definitely being cheated of it all. Try to imagine forward to this time next yr and the next, and surely things won't be the exact same then, I hope not anyway, I hope it improves at least some by then.
My husband has held stuff in and had a wall around his heart for about 30 yrs. So it will take a long time for it to come down. I am sure he is as willing we be close as I am, he just can't make it happen overnight even if he really wanted to. I hear you, though, we have to state our needs too or we'll starve. I remember Larry saying how important it is we tell them what we need, because otherwise they just don't see that anyone else has needs. They are just trying to see out of the pain and can't. So we have to make it happen.
I've decided to make a list of the tiny little things that are positive that I can see as "progress". So I don't forget. If I don't have a list to remind me, I will forget, and I'll get stuck looking at how lacking my marriage is at the present time. The progress is so slow too that we forget it's happening. So I think I'll make a little list of things that I see as progress. Just to remind me. Like you, I feel I need to be reminded today.
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.