Newest Members
BusterJones, Desperateforhelp, aniceguy, Green_Lantern, Safe11ride
12121 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
corvairman1 (43), marianne (44), son (35), speedy (31)
Who's Online
2 registered (Jak, Tiger1982), 68 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12121 Members
73 Forums
62521 Topics
438140 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#66712 - 06/21/03 08:40 PM im so ticked
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
yesterday i talked to my mom, (i know stupid), she decided to get on her soap box and tell me that james and i needed to get a job and forgt what the dr. told us about not working. she said that we have to wake up and get over the past because that is what it is the past and nothing is hurting us now, that we are doing is not letting go of the past and if we keep trying to "think" about it then we wont ever get pass it. she said we are purposely trying to hang on to the past that it is our choice to keep thinking aout what has happened to us. she told us to just suck it up and get over it.

i tried to explain to her that we wished it was that simple and if it was we would have done it years ago. but what we are going threw now is from yeas of trying to ignore it. she said that was hog wash. that we should be more like her. she even went as far as saying we didnt have enough faith and didnt put it in GOD'S hands like we should.

of course she went on and on aboutit till i finaly just hungup on her. right before i did she tried to tell me that i just didnt want to hear what she hadto say,that all we wanted to do was sit and wallow in our self pitty. i tried to tell her she wasnat listening to me either, so she said no that wasnt the case, i just didnt want to face reality and that she was at least finaly telling us what she thought of this whole thing and that we should just get a life. thats when i hung up.

it pisses me off that she wants to preach at me for what "we" should do in her mind, and "we" dont listen and do what she thinks we should so "we" are screwed up because of it. she acts like she has all the answers and if "we" did what she said then our lives would be perfect.

she didnt even know what bi-polar ment till we explained it to her. then she had the balls to tell me she knows "LOTS" of people who is bi-polar and they take there lithium and are perfectly fine. please!!!!!!!!

anyway just needed to vent.

laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

Top
#66713 - 06/21/03 09:36 PM Re: im so ticked
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Quote:
if we keep trying to "think" about it then we wont ever get pass it.
Laura,

They say you can't think your way out of it, so she may be more right than she knows. You won't ever get past just by thinking about it.

Quote:
i tried to tell her she wasnat listening to me either
I get the feeling that she's very uncomfortable with you being up front about abuse and recovery. Maybe you can still have peaceful contact if you leave that out of your discussions. Or maybe you need to stay away from her for a while.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

Top
#66714 - 06/21/03 10:28 PM Re: im so ticked
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
joe,
thank you for your reply.

Quote:
They say you can't think your way out of it, so she may be more right than she knows. You won't ever get past just by thinking about it.
i agree about with that 100%. and the trueth of the matter is the last thing i want to do is think about it. she just has the impression all we do is sit around all day moping and thinking about it, ,wich is not so. at this time we do nothave a T or a Pdoc but it is not from lack of us trying. i want to hurry and get over all this,but as well all know here we cant just "wish" it away either. i think most of us here has tried that and it just doesnt work. james and i both are trying vry hard to get the help we need and work threw each of our own problems, but theres not much you can do when all the doors has been closed due to the fact they are already over full and have hardly any room for the people they are already seeing and then the budget cuts that are to come. but we keep trying becasue we are not going to give up.


Quote:
get the feeling that she's very uncomfortable with you being up front about abuse and recovery. Maybe you can still have peaceful contact if you leave that out of your discussions. Or maybe you need to stay away from her for a while.

true she is uncomfortable with me talking about my abuse, she doesnt beleve it has happened at all. james and i have tried to keep that totaly out of any aspect of our conversations with her for that reason, however she keeps bringing it up to us about how she feels we are wrong in how we live our lives. she thinks we are "faking" what has happened to the both of us and that we need to be "normal"

and i am going o stay away from her , i dontplan on talking to her for a very long time.

laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

Top
#66715 - 06/22/03 01:42 PM Re: im so ticked
stpbb Offline
Member

Registered: 03/03/03
Posts: 103
Laura,
I'm sorry to hear your frustrations with your family. I remember when I was really depressed (severe clinical depression) & reaching out to friends and family for support. It was disappointing, to say the least, to find people who simply would not or could not respond to me in any helpful way. A good part of my therapy was spent dealing with my sense of abandonment by these people. What helped me, somewhat, was coming to see them not through what I wanted from them, but through their own selves -- who they were & what they were capable of. Some I was able to understand and forgive, others I realized were just not good enough to be my friends. One friend said to me at the time regarding another "she is doing the best that she can and she isn't able to do more" I didn't really believe it then, but in retrospect it has helped me deal with it & see that most of that dissappointment is a reflection of the other persons ability to give, not a reflection of what I am worthly of getting. I felt like I was not worthy of being loved because of others' inability to give it to me, but as the clouds of the depression lifted I saw those who did truly love & support me & those who tried in their own way. Those people I will treasure always because they truly helped save me from myself.

I have been amazed at the selfishness & fear which many people carry around that prevents the most simple acts of kindness. But I have also encountered others whose caring and kindness is an inspiration to me. I try to cultivate my relationships with those people & keep my expetations of others to a minimum.

Anyway, I wish you all the best success in getting what you need.

-BB.


Top
#66716 - 06/22/03 02:16 PM Re: im so ticked
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
laura... you were right, she is wrong. Not going through the experience does NOT make you an expert on it. How would she know how to react? She is trying to relate it to her faith and her own experiences and I'm sorry. This is NOT the same as most experiences.

Quote:
I have been amazed at the selfishness & fear which many people carry around that prevents the most simple acts of kindness. But I have also encountered others whose caring and kindness is an inspiration to me.
SOOOOOoooo Right! Perfect direction if you ask me!


Top
#66717 - 06/23/03 12:02 PM Re: im so ticked
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
Laura - my heart goes out to you both. I have had similar experiences as well. I too suffer from emotional illness (have had 3 episodes of severe clinical depression) and have had people turn on me or abandon me when I needed them most. I attribute a lot of my own depressive illness to the crap that I was dished when I was young... and the idiots and unsupportive "friends" that I managed to get involved with for another decade of my life. Amazing the things that three decades of anger-turned-inwards can do to your mental health.

RE: laypersons' opinions on mental illness - they are a dime a dozen aren't they? Everyone and their dog, cat, gerbil and budgie seem to have an opinion on what should work and what shouldnt work. I have heard everything..."just get over it"... "stop wallowing in it" to "get a grip".. and even had so called "loving and supportive" people walk out of my life in the most painful and horrible ways. People just don't understand that its an illness, each sufferer goes through completely different and unique triggers and symptoms, and each case must be managed uniquely. I too have been in situations (twice) where I was completely incapacitated by my illness and could not work. Luckily I was young enough and still able to rely on my family to get me through - and also lucky enough to be living in a country with public health care and able to access mental health facilities free of charge.

I truly think that for you to hang up on your mother in the middle of her abuse was a very brave and positive step. You were giving her a view of your boundaries, and definitely taking some of your personal power back from her. Very empowering. It took a long while for my BF (survivor of S.A.) and myself (survivor of other types of abuse) to say NO to those who continued to treat us like crap and say YES to those who demonstrate love, caring and support (and sometimes I still let my not-so-positive influences in my life to get under my skin). And it is especially hard when its a family member - because its not an easy decision to even think about ceasing a relationship with someone who has been so close to you for your whole life, someone who SHOULD be there to support you, but is simply, is not good for you to be around. I have totally been there.

Bravo for standing up to yourself. Nobody deserves that kind of shit! Chalk one up for the good guys. You go girl!


Top
#66718 - 06/23/03 05:19 PM Re: im so ticked
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
just thougt i would share what my dear mother e-mailed me today over what happened in our last call.

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL THINE HEART AND LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING
PROVERBS 3:5

WHEN YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO TURN, TURN TO ME.
WHEN YOU NEED SOMEONE ON WHOM TO RELY, RELY ON ME.
PLEASE KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN TO ME ; YOU CAN ALWAYS RELY ON ME.
I AM THE FOUNDATION FOR YOU FUTURE.
NO MATTER WHAT THAT FUTURE HOLDS,
I HOLD IT IN MY HANDS;
I HOLD YOU IN MY HANDS. (HANDS STILL NAIL-SCARRED BY LOVE)
PLEASE DON'T KEEP ME AT ARM'S LENGTH,
HIDDEN AWAY IN THE BOTTOM DRAWER OF YOUR HEART.
I WANT TO SHAR MY LIFE WITH YOU;
I WANT YOU TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH ME.

READ PSALM 18:1-3 JERMIAH 29:11-12 EPHESSIANS 3:16-21

Love you
Mom


gets to you doesnt it!!! :rolleyes:

laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

Top
#66719 - 06/23/03 06:42 PM Re: im so ticked
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Dear Mom,

Quote:
LEAN NOT UNTO THINE OWN UNDERSTANDING
Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

Top
#66720 - 06/25/03 12:30 PM Re: im so ticked
moo2 Offline
Member

Registered: 01/31/03
Posts: 82
Loc: pottsboro,texas
Laura-animal,

I hope this means your mom knows she has done wrong, not just trying to influence you to the Lord. The Lord is super importanant in my veiw, but it takes time to trust completely.
WITH MUCH LOVE,
Kim


Top
#66721 - 06/26/03 11:21 AM Re: im so ticked
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
It also takes some time to find out which people who profess to trust in the Lord can be trusted too. I have seen much manipulation, cruelty and hate spewed forth by people speaking "in the name of the Lord"...


Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.