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#66693 - 06/18/03 06:03 AM lonely in montana
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
as most of you know my husband (joker/james)and i have just moved to montana.

i grew up in oklahoma and live 98% or more of my life there. all my family is there. although we have our differances i still love them, and miss them. i find my self missing oklahoma but only due to my family. otherwise montana is perfect. it has been a life long dream of mine to live here andi have finaly made it. however i still find myself torn about missing my family. heres why:

i am the oldest child of all the children and step children. i am also adopted. i was an only child till i was the age of 6. then my sister came along and she was there " natural" child. things changed then. all the attention went to here and i was no longer good enough, i could never compair to her. as my other sister and then my half brother came along it was the same, they compared but i didnt. as well as with my step sisters and step brother-in-law. now on top of that happy as i am for it my husband is closer to my family than i am. i tried for years to fit in and fought very hard to make them roud" of me. but nothing i did was ever good enough. when my kids was born they realy didnt have much to do with them, and then when my 1st sister had her daughter, ,they couldnt make enough fuss over her. and everyone goes out of there way to do as much as they can for her and my neice. now she i prego angain and so is my youngest sister. of course another big happy fuss over it all. even my step neices and nephew have more importance over my children.

i was kicked out of my mom and stepdads home at age 17 due to the fact i was prego and left to live on the streets in a town(tampa florida)wher i had only lived for about 2 months if that and hardly knew 5 people, while my mom and step dad moved to california.

my mom had to move out of her house she was buying in order to get my 1st sister to move out at the age of 23.but even at that my mom just rented her her house at 200.00 a month. she lived with her boyfriend who was a drug dealer, a theif and been in prision 2 times for dealing. this is who she had her 1st child with. he left her a few days aftr the baby wa born and she decided to move, my mom (now divirced for 5-6 yrs) helped her perchase a home. she lives beyond her means and almost weekly asks for money that she uses to rent video's, go to the movies or out to eat as well as her bills. wich she still runs behind on.

my youngest sister is now 24 will be 25 soon and still lives with my mom. she works and goes to college, but spends all her extra time drinking and partying and doing drugs. my mom makes her car payment , insurance payment and has her on her health insurance till she turns 25. she has no "bills" to speak of , but even though she has a job never has any money. she also barrows money from my mom weekly. and my mom is paying her student loans off for her even though there not due till she graduates collage.

both my sistes barow money from my dad and step mom as well.

my step sister and brother in law is always barrowing money from them as well and they both hve jobs, do drugs and drink. they can never seem to have all ther utilities on at the same time. they are always broke as well.my brother-in-law was caught by the policerunning drugs from mexico to oklahoma. they didnt have the money to bail him oout so of course the went to my dad and step mom who put there property up in order to bail him out.

now my husband had been arrested a few months earlier and i called and asked if they could help with the bail, they refused and it wsnt even as much as my brother-in-law's. my husbands charges was dropped , but his wasnt. when ever i have had to ask for money from any of my family it was only as a total last resort and most of the times we wouldnt ask anyway. but the times we have, both parents acted as if we was trying to rip them off. yet we never bought drugs or got drunk instead of paying our bills nor did we ask for help very often. as well as we are the only ones who actualy pay them back out of all my siblings. most times they dont even invited us to there get togethers. we hardly got to do anything "together" with them howbeit they would always get together with my other siblings, this is on both sides as well. the only time we would get together with them was on a holiday or if we invited them out to our place and fixed them dinner and even at that they would turn us down most times.

when we told them we was moving to montana they didnt want us to go , ,why im not sure actualy. but sence we have moved here my mom has not called me yet. my father has called a couple times but we have been here 4 months.

why i miss them im not sure, they realy wasnt that much a part of my life. and it drives me crazy that i do miss them. but it drives me even crazier that if i want to talk to them i have to call. i feel as though i am not worth there time and effort.

james and i have been told buy our pdoc that we are not to work. but yet they look at us as if we are total and complete failures because we ar not working. my mother has even said that our dr. is a quack and we need to find a new one. she thinks the meds the dotor has me on is to much and im being over medicated. she thinks we should keep looking for a dr. who doesnt put us on so many meds and ristrictions. now on the other hand my youngest sister has been diagnosed with crones diesese, and atthe age of 25 she will no longer be able to carry her on her insurance. she is prego and will have to apply for medicade to assist in her medical needs and the birth of her child. yet she feels that she is to good for medicade and plans on doing all she can to pay for what she needs. at the same time there is a few things i have been diagnosed with that she just thinks is a joke. and up until we movedto montana had no insurance on any of us. she refused to help in any way, even with her 3 grand children by me and james. it hurrts me to see that even my own children can see the differance in the way she and my father and step mother treat them compaired to ther other grandchildren as well as how they treat me differently from my siblings.
so why in the world do i even care about them anymore, heck they think my abuse was a joke and dont believe it either. i hate not being able to stop my feeling of love and need for them, i wish i could just wip them out of my mind and never remember them in the same sence they do me.

sorry to rant and rave

laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

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#66694 - 06/18/03 07:36 PM Re: lonely in montana
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Laura
you rant and rave all you need, when your telling us your troubles your not bottling them up and stewing on them.

We might not have any answers, but we can support and share.

My view is you did a brave and sensible thing to move away from from your abusive family, they might not be sexually or physically abusing you you both, but emotionally they almost certainly are.

I think that in your heart you know where your love really lies, it's with James and your kids.

Enjoy them, and enjoy Montana. I had the best steak of my entire life in a saloon in Big Timber, not far from Billings, Montana's a beautiful place and I want to go there again to see some more of it.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#66695 - 06/19/03 02:08 AM Re: lonely in montana
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
on fathers day i called my family and told them the problemswewashaving with our landord andthe people below us. asked if it were possable if they could helpus get attorney, just to make sure we dont end up out on the streets. my dad said he would have to ask my step mom and think about it, my mom said she would have toseewhat he finaces looked liked. and she was going to call my dad and see what they could come up with together.

i hadnt heard from them so i called them today to see what there answer was. even though i had already explained that our phone is going to be turnedoff soon. both there answers was no. my dad and step mom are going on vacation to see my youngest step sister in ft. wayne indiana. my mom is to bisy paying for my youngest sisters car and my other sisters rent as well as she has to pay her house insurance. so i asked then to make arangements just in case we do end up on the streets if wer could send the kids there till wegot back into a place.i my mom doesnt have the room, and cant afford it. she has my youngest sister living with her, my brother, and my sisters best friend. i told my dad this and that she doesnt have the room and he told me no that that was an expence they wasnt ready for.

it royaly pisses me off that they dont care anymore than that for my children. so i think i am going to cut all ties what so ever with them and just let them wash there hands of me like im going to do them. its just not worth it


laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

Top
#66696 - 06/19/03 10:07 AM Re: lonely in montana
doctorfrau Offline
Member

Registered: 04/11/03
Posts: 60
Loc: West Virginia (NOT western Vir...
Laura,

It sounds like you need to stop expecting any help from your family - as hard and as unfair as that may seem - you aren't going to change them.

It sounds like you need to get active in figuring out a solution on your own. Is there a legal aid society that you can contact there? If neither of you are working, what kind of assistance are you getting? Can that agency help with your housing situation? Or you may just want to start by looking up your local United WAY in the yellow pages. They can give you a list of agencies to call that may be able to help.

Have you tried sitting down with your landlord and neighbors and talking about their concerns non-confrontationally? Try to find out what exactly you can do to improve the situation.

It is tempting to sit back and let the world "Happen" to you - especially if you are used to being victimized. But sometimes you have to get out there and try to make things happen for yourself \:\)

Good luck and keep us posted

_________________________
"...your choice, is what to DO with the time that you are given."

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#66697 - 06/19/03 05:18 PM Re: lonely in montana
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
oh yes we are applying for legal aid and help from montana fair housing, we are nt justsitting here letting things happen,(and i didnt take it that way )i was just trying to cover all our bases "just in case". we have tried to work things out to no avail with our landlord and neighbors. so even with contacting legal sources to get help i wanted to cover other avenuse(spelling?) in case they didnt work out. i realy didnt expect help from my family $ wise, but i thought i would ask anyway, i did however expect then to care more about there grandchilden. guess i need to re-think that one.

laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

Top


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