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#66549 - 05/27/03 11:00 PM What is up with this???Confused
moonshine Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 05/12/03
Posts: 4
Loc: California
Hello Everyone

Well Sunday morrning at around 2:30am I get a call,I awnser the phone and its my babys daddy I was like hello and he goes oh sorry I think I have the wrong number and hung up WTF???I could tell he was drunk and he called from his mean friends house,,,,Well 10 mins later the phone rings and he hangs up after I say hello!!! I dont know if he thought my mom awnsered the phone or what but I have not got a call from him since that night , I am confused by this just like how when hes drunk he tells me he cares about me(ok)??? all I can do is pray anymore

Thanks you are all great sorry I always babble about him.....


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#66550 - 05/28/03 12:02 PM Re: What is up with this???Confused
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2258
Loc: Maryland USA
Moonshine,

Continue to take care of yourself and your son. The baby's father will have to approach you as an adult, not calling and hanging up, if you're going to be able to expect any adult behavior from him.

Yes, he had bad things happen to him. So did all the guys here. Eventually we each decided to make things better in our lives, and your son's father will have to reach that point in his own way, in his own time.

You're growing stronger as you face the life you have with its ups and downs. That's good for you and your child.

There, that's my two cents.

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#66551 - 05/28/03 12:03 PM Re: What is up with this???Confused
PAS Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 577
Loc: Canada
I would say that he probably somewhere deep down inside does care about you and wants to hear your voice. However, despite those possible feelings, he definitely still sounds too messed up to be a good, strong supportive influence for you and your baby.

Trust me - DO NOT allow anyone that messed up/addicted involved in a child's life. I'm 33 and still getting over my alcoholic father. If his calling you is bothersome you could request that he not call you anymore. If he continues you can always change the number or get it unlisted.

Your being strong and letting your baby see you stand up for yourself and for the baby is very important. It will help to your child to choose healthy friends, partners and life situations in the future.

In my past, my mom did NOT tell my dad to get off my case nor did she protect me from his anger/violence (in many cases she enabled him because she was too afraid that he would leave us so she did what he wanted which generally involved her "rounding up the kids" so my dad could scream and rage and verbally, emotinally and psychologically abuse us). To this day BOTH my brother and I (my brother just got out of a 3 year relationship where he was massively verbally or emotionally abused) have a hard time standing up for ourselves when we are being massively mistreated (it takes us forever to figure out that it's actually happening). I do think that if I had seen her stand up to him then today I'd probably be a lot stronger in standing up for myself.

Anyhow sorry for the unsolicited advice.. feel free to ignore it if you wish.. just that this issue (alcoholic parent) is one that's caused a lot of problems for me my whole life.

Soccer


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#66552 - 05/29/03 02:22 PM Re: What is up with this???Confused
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
I could write for a long tine on this, but I will just say that Soccer and Joe are ABSOLUTELY right.

For the sake of your child, do not let a messed up person into the child's life.

Best of luck and be strong, we are here when you need the strength,
James

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

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#66553 - 05/29/03 04:23 PM Re: What is up with this???Confused
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Moonshine, Joe, Soccer and James,

Moonshine, thanks for starting such an important thread. And, Joe, Soccer and James for adding such good comments.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, God, isn't that what this site is all about.

Ours were so egregiously violated when we were so young, and some of us still have seemingly uncontrolable problems with boundaries that are in our domain of control.

I pray for you too, Moonshine, that you'll keep youself safe and that you'll be able to protect your baby. Our lives are so precious and so are those of the people around us. We've got to stand up and say, "ouch," when our feet are stepped on, when our egos are attacked, when our feelings are ignored, when our lives are in danger.

Listen to your brothers, here, they care about you and your safety. They ARE the big brothers you never had before. But now, they/I, are/am here for you.

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#66554 - 05/29/03 07:56 PM Re: What is up with this???Confused
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Moonshine
You seem to be the person there with the sense of responsibility, you also seem to recognize that your babys father has the problems.

And his problems WONT go away until HE decides to help himself. And there's no help to be found in drinking. Just ask the guy's here who have tried that.

You have to be strong and set some boundaries between you and him.
He might well be a decent guy behind all his problems, but with them he doesn't seem that way.
You wont change him on your own, it'll only bring you down.

Change is something he has to start, and be serious about.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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