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#66496 - 10/26/06 12:55 PM dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
I don't really even know where to start. I have been having strange experiences lately. I went to see a new therapist for the second time tuesday. The first time, last week, she told me that my condition was behond her scope of practice. I didn't understand what she meant until after our second visit. She asked me what my previous diagnoses were. I told her PTSD and Major depressive disorder. She told me that i had Dissociative disorder. I knew i had left my body years ago because i was told that by the treatment center i was in and i felt my return in sept.. okay that i could understand because i felt it. The other day i went for a walk to the store i saw a license plate on a parked car, it said Arizona. I was confused. I thought Arizona? Then i said to myself, oh my god, you're in Arizona. I have been here staying with my son for about a month or so. Over the last month or so also, i have been doing what i thought to be " inner child work " as it has been brought to my attention, i have been dealing with one or two "alters". I am blown away!
Don't really know how to handle this new info. Scared and crying. Anyone who might be able to help me understand and give support. Thank you, Sis


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#66497 - 10/26/06 02:18 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I can't even begin to imagine how frightening this must be for you. I am so sorry to see you are going through this.

But you do know you have a problem, and that's always a solid place to start. I would refer to your T and see what she recommends - I imagine she wants you to see someone else with greater expertise in this area.

In the meantime, do you have any safe and reliable people you can tell about this and ask for their support? I really hope you can find some local support so you don't have to face this alone.

And of course bring things here as well. We will all understand and no one will judge you.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#66498 - 10/26/06 02:22 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
Hi Sis,

I'm obviously no professional on these matters, but I do wonder sometimes about how actually helpful all these kinds of labels/de>

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#66499 - 10/26/06 03:06 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Dear Larry,
Thank you for support. Yes, the T wants me to see someone more suited for my condition. As scary as this is it helps me to better understand what is happening to me. I am not just going crazy. I told my son last night. He said that he knew i became a different person when i drank, a completely change in personality. I just thought it was the alcohol. He is very supportive. But he is also a victim of the same perp. and i can't use him for my only support, too hard on him. A few weeks ago i was kinda telling him about working/talking to this little girl who lives inside of me. He said "Mom yu don't have like multiple personalities do you." I said, "oh no it's that inner child stuff". Well, so i guess i was wrong. i went to church the last two sundays and the last one i talked to one of the preachers about what i have been going through, said she would make some calls and find some people who could lend some support. I have not heard from anyone yet. I have another on-line support group and i know there is a man that has this disorder but i have not really posted much about myself, mostly lend support. I am greatful for the other group but i don't really get answers there. I see the same people on there with lots of negativity, not much solution. I want to get better. In two years i don't want to be saying the same old stuff, being a victim. so, the answer is no i do not have much support right now. this is why i post here. I am glad that at least i know and when a person knows what's happening they can start to fix it. universal luv,Sis


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#66500 - 10/26/06 03:15 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Dear Beccy,
Being a health professional myself i understand the labels and diagnoses stuff. IF you can't call it something with concrete signs and symptoms then you don't get paid for services or get funding to help people with the problem that they are havinig. For me i am relieved to know that these things that are happening to me have a name. Now i can fix it. Some of the techniques you mentioned on your post sound pretty healing and i will mention those to my next therapist, Thank you, universal luv, Cathy


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#66501 - 10/26/06 03:23 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I would suggest (and I think a T would confirm this) that you shouldn't look at yourself and judge yourself as going crazy.

So far as I know DID is a psychological condition that reflects the efforts of a person to escape from a traumatic event or period in their live as a child. An abused kid will often dissociate, but in DID this goes a step further: the child has distinct identities, including names and personalities, for the various dissociative states, or alters.

If I were you I would look at this problem and say, okay, this is something I do have to address, but I'm not going nuts. This happens frequently among abused kids, and all I'm trying to do now is shed a survival technique that I grasped as a brutalized child, but now no longer need.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#66502 - 10/26/06 03:24 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Larry, I forgot. I do have an ex-boyfriend that i have told this to last night. We are pretty close and talk often. He was one of the people who told me 2 years ago that i had other problems than just alcoholism and that i needed professional help. Ofcourse i told him that he was nuts and so was the DR. who told him that, my DR. Guess i was wrong!!!!!! so, i do have some support. thank you for asking. Sis, I would still like the support i get here though. I get a sense of people really healing here and i like it. thanks again


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#66503 - 10/26/06 03:42 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Sis,
Your bravery and strong spirit continue to amaze me. It is so great that you are so focused on being able to heal. Good for you!
I don't have any recent direct experience with people who have dealt with disassociation (I don't think). But one of my very good friends, whom I have not seen in many years now, was struggling with it, also in reaction to years of csa. I mention her to say that she was also someone with a wonderful zest for life, very present and loving in many ways when she could be. So having this protective response is not a sign of inadequacy or failure, just complexity!
You do have people who love you. Keep on keepin on, Sis.
Peace,
Honey Girl

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#66504 - 10/26/06 04:41 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Thank you Honey Girl and to all others who are supporting me here.
As i sit here and cry i ask myself "why would somebody hurt another human being the way i have been hurt, especially a child? What makes one person choose to abuse and torture another? i simply don't get it. It just saddens me. I am sad that there are people like that here on this planet. You know i think that it would feel differntely if i had some disease that just happened and that wasn't the effects of somebody's cruelty. I asked God when my son had been abused to please show me the truth. Not what others might have me to believe but the truth. I believe that that request has led me to this juncture in my life. So, i will try to accept this as just another obstacle to be overcome on my journey to truth and happiness. Thank you Sis


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#66505 - 10/26/06 07:24 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
beccy Offline
Member

Registered: 05/28/06
Posts: 449
Loc: england
I have not been hurt like you and so many others Sis, but I just wanted to say that I too have sat and cried over the same thing. I can't cry right now, cause my kids are in the room, but I'm having to hold back the tears/feelings. I too cannot comprehend how any person can hurt a child in that way. It is beyond understanding.

peace
Beccy


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#66506 - 10/27/06 05:11 AM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
healing_inside Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2005
Dear SIS,

I don't come into FF Forum much, but the title of your post caught my eye.

I am a male survivor and I have DID. There a few of us here on the board that are DID also.

Welcome to MS

_________________________
I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

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#66507 - 10/27/06 02:42 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Healing inside
i did PM you but i wanted to also say that i love your quote. yesterday, i didn't want to give up but i was very sad and alittle depressed. I will not let my perps, don't know how many there were, i won't let them win. NO!! Macy Gray sais it well, " YOU've got to get up, get up, and do something. Don't let the days of your life pass you by". Even if i do have alters, i am hopeful that we won't let them win. I am up today, praying alot, trying to live a life of gratitude. That seems to help me alot.
Hope you are having a good day. and looking forward to your response. Sis


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#66508 - 10/27/06 03:24 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
The major perp. the one who has done the most damage,i think. i got a protective order agaist him after all these years, a few weeks ago. just thought i would share that. universal luv, sis


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#66509 - 10/27/06 04:25 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

Well done. The last thing you need is this perp lingering around in close proximity to you and those you love.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#66510 - 10/27/06 05:51 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Roadrunner,
The more i went down, suicide attempts, loss of everything, career, children, home, self; the more my mom would bring the perp. around my children. all of us in different states i felt helpless and kept leading me to self damage, anxiety and terror. durring that down fall my mom helped my ex and sister and ex's sister take my children from me and would keep in contact with them. But durring this breakdown i kept talking, everything that i could remember which wasn't much, i would tell everybody. so, I think the perp. had thought that i got my memory back and was afraid of me and wanted me gone. I could see now looking back the harder i fell, the more i talked, the harder they tried to push me over the edge. I truly believe that what they did last, bring the perp. to see my son, who was abused by him too 20 yrs ago and has no memory would be it, it was only 3 months after my suicide attempt. i was in missouri and my son was in Arizona. THat was it. I decided that i would not let them torture me or my family anymore. As god would have it i ended up in Arizona, filed for the order and got it. NO, i will not let this creep and the lady who calls herself a mom drive me to take myself out. Then they would have access to my kids and there kids and the cycle continues, hell no. Having the protective order does give me peace so i can heal, so my kids can heal. Thank you again for your support. universal luv and support, Sis


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#66511 - 10/27/06 06:20 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Sis,

I hesitate even to comment. I am so grieved by what you have had to endure, and I marvel at your strength. All I can say is this: Keep it up! YOU are worth it, and those you love need you in their lives.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

Top
#66512 - 10/27/06 08:30 PM Re: dissociative identity disorder (DID), OMG!!!!
sis Offline
Member

Registered: 10/05/06
Posts: 195
Loc: Arizona
Roadrunner, thanks, Sis


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